they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

you wanna talk? okay fine.

when you added all those girls in december, it made me feel like you couldn't wait to fill the void with other girls. it made me feel like you were purposely trying to piss me off or make me jealous. it made me feel like you thought you could just replace me.
when you said you didn't remember why you did it, it made me feel like you didn't even think about me at that point, that adding random girls even tho you wanted to save our relationship felt like the right thing to do instead of deleting their requests.
when you said 'I didn't cheat on you' it makes me feel like you don't understand why adding random girls even tho you wanted to save our relationship is not the right fucking thing to do. it makes me feel like you missed the point.
when you started today's conversation with "way to crush me" instead of actually asking me about it first, it made me feel like you jumped down my throat for something that isn't wrong of me to do. you lashed out at me first. it makes me feel like you took what I said without considering the context. all of it was a fucking joke.
when you said you just wanted to be open with me, it made me feel like you were looking to blame and guilt trip me for something I hadn't actually done. you didn't bother to ask me if I had actually swiped right on anyone. you didn't bother to consider that when I tweeted about hating everyone, I literally swiped left on every. single. person.
when you ask what you should think about in relation to your behaviour, it makes me feel like you don't actually think about anything you do before doing it. it makes me feel like you honestly believe you've never done anything wrong. it makes me feel like you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. it makes me feel like you can't see beyond the effects of your decisions on yourself. it makes me think that you don't think the things you do or say affect me. 
when you asked why I brought up something from before our break up, it made me feel like you were deflecting my question. it made me feel like you're making excuses. it makes me feel like you want to fix us without actually looking back at the problems we had in our relationship. it makes me feel like you think you can say you're sorry and it's okay? like I'm just going to let go of it and move on?
when you say you want to start building our relationship again, it makes me feel like you don't even know why we broke up in the first place.
when you say things like 'I don't even think about drugs or alcohol anymore' it makes me feel like you don't understand that our break up was about more than just that.
when you forget to realise that you lied and deceived me for an ENTIRE YEAR while you had a SECRET drug habit, it makes me feel like you miss the point completely. it makes me feel like you don't even see what else you did that was wrong. it makes me feel like you don't understand how LYING to me for an ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR damages a relationship.
when I had panic attacks because I thought something was wrong in our relationship and you told me things were perfectly fine, it made me feel like I couldn't trust myself. and when you continued to lie to me and made me trust your fucking lies over my own instinct, it fucked me up. because of the way you DECEIVED me for an ENTIRE YEAR, I can't trust the way I feel about anything. am I having another panic attack or something seriously going on behind the scenes? I don't know any more. I can't fucking trust anything when it comes to you. 
when you do this shit, it makes me feel like you honestly don't understand a thing.
when you don't actually answer my questions, it makes me feel like you don't actually want to talk about anything. it makes me feel like you don't want to explore why you were such a shitty person to me before we broke up. it makes me feel like you don't want to admit you did some super shitty things and just because you've changed you don't have to deal with those things any more.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Sunday, March 15, 2015

this is where I leave you.

Judd : Three months ago I had a great job and a nice apartment and I was in love with my wife.
Penny : No, you weren't.
Judd : No?
Penny : No. She was sleeping with somebody else for a year and you never noticed... How in love could you have been?
Judd : Yep... That's fair.
this got me thinking last night. maybe I didn't pay enough attention? maybe I didn't love you? and then I realised something - I did notice. I loved you so much I flew into panic attacks and asked if everything was okay. I knew it wasn't. I knew something was wrong. You comforted me with lies. 'everything is fine. we're perfect'. you might not have cheated on me but the lines still ring true. I fucking noticed and you didn't love me enough to give me the truth I deserved. and now I'll never know if I can completely trust you again. I know you miss me. I know you love me. I just don't feel it. from you or towards you.

I am so fucking hurt that chips on the beach and a chat won't fix this. I don't know how to fix it and I don't know if it's even possible. what if I can't let it go? are we really destined to let this ruin us completely?

Monday, March 9, 2015

how did I end up this confused about something I was so sure of only months ago?

you keep asking me when we'll know that things are okay. how we will know if we've gotten through the worst and can go back to being together. and truth be told, I don't know. I honestly do not know. I want to say soon but time frames like that are so subjective and I've always been the kind to be objective. I can't give you a definite date. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this. within the last almost three weeks you've asked me twice. maybe it'll only take a few more weeks? maybe it'll take a few months? maybe a year? maybe never? I spent an entire year convincing myself that my anxiety was out of control. I asked you if things were okay and every single time you lied and told me it was fine. you reassured me nothing was wrong. I trusted you. you once cheated on me and it took me almost two years to learn to trust you again. and I gave you everything. I gave you my all. I even said I was excited to get married. you fucked me up once and I let you get away with it. I never thought you would have hurt me again. I honestly thought you'd never do anything to jeopardise our relationship. but you did. and now I don't know if I can trust you and I don't know if I can trust myself and that terrifies me. I can't trust myself and the way I feel any more. do I want things to work out and be okay? yes. but just because I want that, it doesn't mean everything will work out okay. I will never be able to find the words to accurately describe how traumatic this has been for me. I still cry whenever I think about how much you've lied to me, about how often you deceived me and how many times I brushed off my instinct as anxiety. and if I keep confusing instinct for anxiety because you made me believe that, then how do I know if I really love you as much as I think I do? how do I know the love you say you have for me is real? do you really love me or do you just want me there? how could you manipulate me like that? how could you purposefully make me believe things that weren't true? how can you honestly expect me to take anything you say seriously? how do I know you're not tricking me again? do you see how fucked up I am? you have ruined me. again.

it will be okay... won't it?
I don't know. maybe I should flip a coin?

Monday, February 23, 2015

I have written the same damn text message 20 times over but I still can't press send.

my boyfriend and I broke up. and no matter how angry I felt before or how hurt I was it doesn't take away the longing pain I feel without him. I have never wanted to talk to him so desperately until this moment. it kills me. all I want to do is say I'm sorry for hurting him and make sure he's okay and he's not lonely or sad or feeling unwanted. that's the last thing I want. it hasn't even been a week and I'm terrified I've made things worse. and I'm not entirely sure I feel better off without him. I was angry and I was hurt but now I just feel like there's a giant part of me missing. as cliche as that sounds - it's true. I keep thinking about him alone in his new apartment with his new job and all I can do is cry. he did what I asked and I still left. I knew at times I could be heartless but I never knew I could cut so deep.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

- acquaintances

so there's this person I used to have mild contact with that always sought out ways to make me angry or jealous or hurt for no apparent reason. and whenever I brought up their behaviour, they always denied it saying I was taking things personally and overreacting. I stumbled upon their instagram today and I did what anyone would have done and just looked through their photos (because it's public and if you didn't want me to see them you would have blocked me, let's be real here). this person once posted a photo intentionally aimed to make me jealous back when we were communicating. when I looked through their photos today, I noticed it had been deleted. this photo was posted something like two years ago. it stayed on their instagram for a long time because it would frequently come up in conversations. I called them out on it back then, they denied it like usual, but now it's gone. maybe it's their new relationship and they no longer have a reason to make me jealous. maybe it's because they're finally over whatever happened back then and it no longer matters. I just find it interesting that someone went to great lengths to hurt me once upon a time, detailing how that photo meant so much to them, to have it deleted like it never happened.

and in some weird way, I feel a great sense of satisfaction because I knew what was really going on the whole time. I was right. feels a bit like closure. almost. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

question.

when I ask
what's wrong with us?
I don't ask
because I know
I ask
because I want to hear
you say it.

Things aren't okay in our relationship and no matter how many times we talk it out it feels like it never quite sinks in with you. You get it for about 3 days and then it's immediately back to where we started. I'm not angry for surprise reasons. I'm angry for the same reason I've been angry for the past almost six years. This isn't new anger. This isn't a new behaviour. I'm always angry when it happens. Six years later and we're still fighting over the same crap. Everything was going so well, and it still bloody can, but you've got to stop acting like you were before. It's your past behaviour I'm not happy with. Stop doing the same old shit. Stop making me angry for the same reasons. Why is that so hard for you to see? FYI you not doing anything is exactly the reason I'm mad. You were supposed to have done something. Two days in a row I was let down. T W O. I am angry and I am disappointed. You don't factor me in any more. And when you do, it's clearly a half-assed attempt at prioritising me. I'm only important when doing something benefits you too. You will never do something for me if you gain nothing in return. There always has to be a win in it for you. Even when you're thinking of me, you're really thinking of yourself.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

r e m i n i s c e

I re-read old posts every now and again. I'm not sure why. Suppose I want to see how much has changed? I should be studying but I need to take a break. I'm currently sitting at my desk in track pants covered in cat hair and a sports bra. I'm drinking "forest fruits" tea and it's 9:45pm on a Thursday. And sometimes I re-read old posts other people have written. Maybe it's not because I want to see how much they've changed, but to see how much I've changed? Those posts don't make me feel the same way. I remember how I used to feel and I'm confused I ever felt that way. What did anger achieve?

I felt threatened. I worried someone was going to take away my happiness. That made me mad. That hurt me. That made me jealous. You can see it in my writing but I refused to admit it. I brushed it off as envy, like that was better. It wasn't. My behaviour was out of control and I thought rationalising it made it acceptable. I had valid reasons to worry, but that does not excuse my behaviour. Instead of becoming mad and jealous, I should have communicated my feelings. Sorted it out right then and there. I came here, wrote horrible posts, then washed myself of accountability. I blamed other people.

When I think about why my relationship has communication problems, it's no wonder. I hid behind a computer screen like a keyboard warrior. And my boyfriend hid behind his too. I should have done self-reflection and discussed why I felt that way. What was it about that situation that made me jealous? What did jealousy achieve? How could I process my feelings so I no longer felt jealous? At the time, I thought breaking up with my boyfriend was the best option. And in some regards, it was. It gave me time to consider whether being in that relationship was good for me. It gave me time to sort through my jealousy. It also gave him time to realise that ignoring my jealousy wasn't the answer. What should have happened is a conversation where we could explore what happened. That didn't happen. We got back together; I swallowed my pride. Jealousy wasn't what I felt. Smug became my replacement feeling. I chose to see it as "I have what you want and you can't touch my happiness ner ner ner." Because that was the mature thing to do.

I've done a lot of growing up in that time. I'm no longer smug or jealous. I learnt to work through those emotions. On my own. His behaviour didn't alter. He continued to do what he'd always done. I just got better at dealing with it. And in some ways, more than I would like to admit, that has hindered my relationship. I stopped trying to communicate with my partner and I just built a tougher shell. I made it difficult for people to get a rise out of me. Now, it's hard for people to tell when something upsets me. I don't talk about it. I feel it, I process, I move on. I don't tell people I'm upset. I don't tell them how they could prevent themselves from upsetting me. I don't tell them that it's okay for it to happen providing we work through it.

I felt too much before. Now I don't feel enough. And then I explode and feel too much.

Monday, January 12, 2015

• h o p e f u l •

My boyfriend and I have been on again off again fighting lately. It's exhausting and upsetting. We recently agreed that we need to stop becoming mad with each other so quickly. We've made plans for a lunch date on Friday and I'm excited. This is an opportunity for us to be polite and kind to each other, while the public outing reduces the likelihood of an argument occurring.

No one knows I'm using this blog again. They're aware it exists, but I stopped using it a couple years ago when I changed to tumblr. I feel like I can publish what I want here without judgement. And I've always been more personal and open here than tumblr. I enjoy that I can come back here and honestly say what I need to get out.

I'm hopeful for all the changes that are happening this year. Final year of university. Six years with my boyfriend. Applying for my graduate nursing programs. Returning to gym and getting fit (again). My relationship working out and becoming a stronger couple. My boyfriend's plans to study also. One of my best friends is moving overseas and I'm excited to see her journey. One of my other best friends is coming to visit in a month.

2015 looks wonderful.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

I took one of those ColourQuiz personality things.


"Demands to be noticed by others as an important individual, needs attention and recognition. her current situation is leaving her dissatisfied. she feels she needs to make friends with those who hold the same high standards she does. Wants to stand out as someone at the top of her class and be admired by others. she needs to feel in control which makes it difficult to give of herself to another person. she feels isolated and alone but refuses to appear weak and continues to be emotionally distant from others in order to keep her attitude of superiority. "

Friday, December 26, 2014

Dreams are more real than reality itself, they're closer to the self. ~ Gao Xingjian

I had another dream my boyfriend cheated on me. I don’t even remember how I found out but I’m pretty sure friends hinted at it and then I eventually saw him with another girl myself. At first he was really upset and sorry that he had done it and wanted me to stay with him because he loved me. Then while I was getting all of his things together to kick him out of my life, the girl he was cheating on me showed up and started kissing him. The truth came out and he admitted that he didn’t care I was leaving him because he loved her and it was never about me. I remember hitting him so hard across the head I tore out earrings he was wearing and threw them on the road. The way he kissed her was the way he used to kiss me and I flew into a frenzy. Before they walked out of my life, I yelled down the drive way “the funny thing about some sexually transmitted infections is that you don’t always know when you have one” (no idea what that's even about?). He left me for some tall skinny 16 year old girl who was wearing a white crop top and black tight-as-fuck leggings. Knowing he didn’t love me any more made the whole thing 10 times easier and for once when I woke up I wasn’t sad or angry. I was relived it was over.

I did some "research" on what cheating dreams mean and it's all about lack of trust and insecurities. I can see why I would wake up furious and sad, and I can certainly see why I didn't wake up feeling that way this time. Couple days before Christmas we had a massive fight and I told him I needed a break from us. For the first time since I started having these dreams, I woke up indifferent. Probably because I voiced my unhappiness about the lack of trust we have. I always said if we were going to break up it would be due to circumstances and not because we don't love each other. There is love, it's just not enough right now. In a couple of weeks I'll see how I feel. I'm still pretty damn upset about what's happened to us and time apart is exactly what we need right now.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Red coat with white collar and cuffs.

It's Christmas Day and I'm currently sitting in an empty house, on the couch, with my onesie half-butoned. It's too hot to wear it done up, but it's too cold to wear anything else. I'm comfortable being half-half. I thought I'd be sadder and more heartbroken today than I am. I've filled my day with people right from the moment I woke up. Being alone right now isn't so bad.

Lucky I'm half introverted.

Sometimes I need to be around people to feel like my self. Other times I need quiet time and space. Depression means I have to be around people to stop my mind from being cruel. Anxiety means I need alone time because other people can be overwhelming. I'll be 27 next year and I still haven't worked out how to balance it. Maybe this is the perfect balance?

Two days ago, I told my boyfriend of five and a half years that I need a break from him. If we can make it through this, in five months we'll have been together six years. If we don't, he's only worth 5.5% of my life. Using statistics is my way of dealing with it. 5.5% of my life isn't much at all. I could live to 100 years old. This is but a drop in the ocean of a life time.

I've never been the type to believe in age related mile stones - 'X things you should do before you're 25.' I don't like the time constraints and pressure to perform. I will do things when I'm ready. I have to do them on my own terms. Explains why I'm usually late for just about everything. I trod along in life at my own pace, and I don't like it when people rush me or slow me down. It took me six years from graduating high school to finally begin university. I knew if I had tried six years ago I would have failed. Waiting until I was ready was the best thing.

I start my third year of university in a couple of weeks. That's sooner than ever before. Semester usually goes back in March. Changes to the curriculum means I start in January and have my usual two-month break during March-April. I am rushed and it makes me anxious. I don't have to buy textbooks but I need stationary. Fingers crossed Boxing Day sales are kind and I can buy cute notebooks for my final year on the cheap side. I went generic the first two years to save money and not feel wasteful. Next year I want the cute notebooks, the nice pencil case, pens with flowing ink, and organisation that keeps me motivated. If it appears boring, I think it is. I intend to change that next year.

It doesn't feel like Christmas.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

My mother found my sewing kit.

It's been roughly 5 years since I received my sewing machine for my birthday and Christmas. Once I moved out of home, I lost my sewing kit with all my tools and because I was too poor, I couldn't replace it. Then the box with my machine was put away and it collected dust.

Until recently.

It's summer and I'm really keen on creating some one-off pieces of my own instead of buying things from retail stores. The first real injury I remember receiving was one nasty gash I made on my left knuckle with the unpick when I was around 5 years old. I've been playing with fabrics and sewing since I can remember. My mother used to make my brother and I clothes. My grandmother was a pro at crochet and knitting. It's in my family to be creative with fabrics. I've always been naturally gifted with my hands; not that I ever do anything with them.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Resurrection.

The last time I updated this page was almost a year ago. January 4th. I've changed blog names. I don't have a real reason except I felt like it. I spent too long writing angry and negative posts. I will probably still continue that. I'm trying to change. Trying.

2014 has been a quick yet long year. I finished second year of nursing at uni. I finished with a gpa of 5.53 which is enough to do honours if I choose (you need at least 5.5). I still have 2015 to increase my gpa. I'd love to graduate with 6+ but it's not a disappointment if I don't. What I achieved this year is incredible. It's more than enough. 5.5 was the only goal I set for the entire year. I stopped going to gym, I worried less about my weight and fat percentage, and I gave in with looking 100% all the time. I'm happy with that.

I use the hemingwayapp.com to help turn me into a better writer. I struggle staying concise and objective. It's difficult when life is a subjective experience. I want to fill my writing with descriptions and details and personal ideas but that doesn't always make for a better writer. It's fluff.

I've set up many blogs all with the same aim - write every day. I start off well but then it fails for various reasons. I'm forgetful. I'm tired. I don't know what to write about. I'm not in the mood. I don't have time. Reasons upon reasons but no real block. Sometimes I think I just look for reasons not to write. And sometimes I start a post but then I'm easily distracted. Or I can't find the right music to listen to.

A previous post has all those details. And like clockwork, I left this post in the middle of writing to live life and doing things with my day. I started it a couple days ago and now I'm finishing it off. It's Friday 10pm and I have work tomorrow. I should get to bed but Criminal Minds is on so... No.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

home sweet home

I live in Adelaide, South Australia, and for a capital city it goes pretty unrecognised most of the time. If you speak to anyone who's never been to Australia, all they ask of is the East Coast (Melbourne, Sydney, Gold Coast and Brisbane). Most international people forget that Australia is fucking huge and there are other cities apart from those mentioned, and Adelaide is still often forgotten when people realise there's more to this country. That's not to say Adelaide is forgettable, because it's far from that, it's just... well, kept away from big fatcats.

Adelaide is smaller, quieter, greener, fresher, and generally speaking, behind other capital cities. It's still b e a u t i f u l nonetheless. For the most part, a lot of Adelaide people hate it here and I'm not really sure why. I'm here to tell you why you should love Adelaide and why the other cities don't even come close to this place.

one. Adelaide is smaller. You can get from one end of the metropolis to the other in about 30-60 minutes. I went to a city school - my best friend in high school lived the exact same distance as I did yet we lived on opposite ends of the city. Distance is not an excuse to avoid seeing someone in Adelaide. It is practically impossible to be too far.

two. Peak hour traffic in Adelaide doesn't actually stop. It gets really fucking slow, but it never comes to a complete halt for more than like 5 minutes. Actually, I don't think I've even stopped for that long, ever. In fact, our public transport system is bullshit because it's just easier and quicker to drive yourself.

three. It's green. So very, very green. I've lived in Melbourne and it's not even close to the green of Adelaide. When you get outside of the city, you know - there are trees and parks everywhere. In fact, the city is full of parks and reserves and trees. There are wetlands right on the edge of the airport for goodness sake! Queensland likes to think it's green, and it might be in remote areas, but not as close to dense populated areas like Adelaide. You can stand in the middle of the CBD, be surrounded by greener and see the Adelaide Hills. In fact, some guy wants to put an 'ADELAIDE' sign in the Hills just like the Hollywood sign. That's how amazing these Hills are.

four. The beaches are better. Our shores are clean and rock-free. Because most of South Australia's coast line is full of towns, you can practically lay on any part of it and it's just as beautiful as the rest. You don't have to walk across metres of sand to reach the shore either. And on some beaches in Adelaide, you can actually park your car on the beach.

five. The people in Adelaide are friendlier. We have to be - almost everyone knows everyone by seven degrees of separation. It makes reinventing yourself troublesome but if you start out as a good egg, you'll be fine. Besides, people here generally get over things sooner than they're given credit. On the plus side, it makes making friends ridiculously easy. And to be quite honest, I think people in Adelaide are far more determined to follow through on their dreams and passions than people from other states. In my experience, the people I've met from other states give up eventually because it's just too hard to make someone of themselves in such a competitive city. Adelaide doesn't have that problem. Wanna be something? Cool. Go be it. And you'll find that at least one person you know, either directly or through a friend of a friend etc, can help you be that person. That doesn't happen anywhere else.

six. March in Adelaide is fucking insane. So many events happen - the Fringe, Clipsal 500, and various other things. FYI the Fringe is bigger than the Melbourne Comedy Festival/Gala/whatever it's called. We don't need a television show to bring in acts or gain recognition. We have bigger celebrities come to our 'shitty small city' for pretty much a whole month. And it's not just comedy, it's all kinds of performances like drag shows and magic shows and musical shows and everything. The Fringe Street Party is incredible and if you're ever in Adelaide in March, I highly recommend you see it.
seven. We pay you to recycle. 10cents per recyclable material when sold in SA. It's a means outside government assistance for our low socio-economic population to earn a small portion of money. KESAB is the initiative to KEep South Australia Beautiful. It's drilled into every child's mind during school to recycle. If someone litters in Adelaide, they'll receive massive amounts of daggers from whomever witnesses it.

eight. Our city's developmental progress is slow but constant. Every year, around tax time, the city goes through so many infrastructural improvements (that's a nice way of saying Adelaide is flooded with road works every single street over) it's insane. People get frustrated because it's the only time the peak hour traffic get "bad." We're constantly upgrading things if only small things at a time. Progress is progress.

nine. The food and wine in Adelaide is world renown. It's some of the world's absolute best. If you're after a particular cultural cuisine, you can find it on whatever side of town you're in. After a particular wine? Drop into any bottle shop and you'll find countless local wineries. In fact, heading up Barossa Valley, McLaren Vale and Willunga will take you to the actual wineries and cellar doors. You can buy the world's best food and wine from the place it actually comes from. And people in Adelaide are super duper proud of supporting local producers. They really are.

ten. South Australia is the Opal Capital of the WORLD. If you're in possession of Opal, chances are it came from Cooper Pedy. It's actually kind of cool for a place in the middle of nowhere. People live in 'dugout' homes - houses are built either inside small mountains or underground to avoid the heat. How fucking smart is that!

eleven. On LonelyPlanet's top 10 cities of the world to visit, Adelaide was the only city in Australia to make the list. The O N L Y one. Melbourne? Nope. Brisbane? Nope. Sydney? Nope. None of the bigger, better cities made the cut, at all. On a list to represent Australia to the entire planet of people, Adelaide made it. Melbourne was voted the best Australian city to live in, but I still think that's wrong (fuck yes I am biased).

twelve. Westfield Marion is the biggest shopping centre in this hemisphere. It has the most amount of shops in one location. You could literally spend all day at Marion shopping and not need to leave the centre for pretty much anything. It caters for everyone. Wanna watch a movie while you're shopping? No problem. Event Marion is fucking massive with 30 something cinema rooms and Gold Class to boot. Outside of Marion, the shopping in Adelaide is amazing. Adelaide people love to op-shop. No to mention, there are particular suburbs in Adelaide that sell world class designer labels. I know because the Sass & Bide store is on Rundle Street. In fact, the photo I have of the store is of me, drunk at the Fringe Street Party, hugging the window.

thirteen. Monarto Zoological Park. It's a safari-esque park with animals that would normally live in that environment. And unlike other zoos, you can drive cars through the park, have the animals come up to your car windows, hell you can even feed fucking giraffes! My best friend, the one who lived on the opposite of Adelaide, went there for her work experience. She got to cuddle motherfucking Cheetah cubs. Can you do that in Sydney?

fourteen. AVCon is the largest Anime and Video Game Convention in Australia. It was big the first year I went and it's been steadily growing every year. Anime and video game professionals from all over the world come to Adelaide to meet fans. You should see how insane the cosplays are! Pontip is a guy from Adelaide who's known all over the country for his Halo cosplay.

fifteen. The Malls Balls and the Pigs. Rundle Mall has stack two giant silver balls in the middle for some reason. In addition, there are bronze (I think they're bronze?) pigs statues, four of them to be precise, in the mall for whatever reason. I can guarantee that even local drunks sit on the pig statues and take photos with them. Some guy managed to climb on top of the Malls Balls and got stuck. The police had to get him down and it made the headlines in the news that night.

sixteen. The biggest natural weather threat Adelaide faces is bush fire. Other states face flooding, hurricanes/tornadoes, and earthquakes. Not Adelaide. Because we're so fucking green and have massive hills, we have to be vigilant about bush fires. We're always on top of them the moment one is sparked.

seventeen. The Flinders Centre for Innovation in Cancer is Australia's leading cancer research facility and has world leading treatments. Flinders University, the one I attend, is world renown for it's medical research. Basically, if you attend Flinders University for a medical based degree, your degree is recognised as the b e s t in the world for research, and all of your degree is evidence based research. Ground-breaking treatments for cancer are found in Adelaide. I'm really excited at the possibilities of becoming a team player in all of that.

eighteen. The Pancake Kitchen. It's exactly what the name suggests but it's open 24/7 and serves alcohol. Wake up at 3am graving pancakes and cider? Drive to the city and get your fix. One of the best nights/days of my life was partying all night, going to the pancake kitchen at 6:30/7:00am, stuffing my face, walking to the zoo and hanging out in the city riding out the the morning to avoid a hangover with two of my best friends. Ask any Adelaide person what they think of the Pancake Kitchen and you'll only ever hear good things about it.

I could go on for days about how amazing this city really is. Everyone I know who's ever left eventually finds their way back here again. They leave when they get bored but they never find a place quite like Adelaide. It's special in its own way and I love that. If you think very little of Adelaide, I highly suggest doing some tourist things and get to know the place before you diss it. If the people you know only get married, find a new job, have kids, get divorced or do the boring adulthood business, you need to realise it's not the city's fault; it's your fault for being friends with stagnant people. Adelaide is a thriving city full of thriving people. You just need to know where to look.