they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet.







Angus & Julia Stone.

I found their music by accident. I was randomly surfing the radio, as I usually do, and I heard The Beast playing. It was the first time I had ever heard their lovely voices and hypnotic music. I immediately went to Sanity music the next free moment I had. Right there was their album - A Book Like This. I didn't care if I had money to get home or not, I had the album and that's all that mattered. I went home, put it on and listened to the whole thing until I got all the lyrics right without looking. Ever since that night, they've been a big influence on my life. It was the night I fell in love with them. I now have ever song released, ever. Even ones recorded at live shows. I know all the lyrics, and can tell which song is about to play with roughly 10 seconds of intro. I listen to them every single day. It's a constant addiction. I missed one of their earlier gigs, but I've managed to make it to every other in Adelaide. Quite possibly the best nights of my life. There's another show in September, and I'll be buying my ticket tomorrow. I always get so excited before their shows. Last time, I cried and sang along to every song. I took so many photos and videos. I haven't put them online because I want them to be mine forever.
They amaze me in every single way. I'd give anything to meet them.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day 8 - Your favourite internet friend



Brittany Paige Hudson.

I don't even remember who added who, but we originally met through MySpace. I remember reading your constant changing "About me" sections and learning little things about you. You always had the prettiest profile and inspired me to make mine like yours. It was because of you that I now appreciate the beauty in the naked human body. When we finally got to meet, I was so excited that I squealed a little bit. We randomly bumped into each other in the middle of Rundle Mall. I can't remember what we were doing there that night, I just remember you. You've always been there for me, and I always ran to you when I needed someone to talk to. I wish we spoke as much as we used to, I miss our talks. You're such a beautiful person, inside and out. I only wish for your happiness in everything that you do. We continue to make plans to catch up but never do, haha. One day we'll work something out that fits both our social lives. You're my favourite person that I've met online.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Day 7 - An ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush.

Ex Lover.

Dear Ex Lover.

I am super duper glad we don't talk anymore. There's not one part of my being that misses you, or desires you. You're nothing short of selfish, arrogant and obsessive. You don't care how your actions or words affect those around you. You left all of your loving and loyal friends for that pathetic excuse of a girlfriend. Quiet frankly, she's a tramp. I cannot believe you would let someone like her manipulate you the way she has. It's brings great sadness to my heart knowing that your friends miss you, but you don't miss them. You never make the effort to see them or talk to them. You turned your back on them, not the other way around. You don't deserve them anymore. 
You and I were a mistake. We simply filled the void that our respective partners could not. We didn't love each other, and used the meaning of such a word to achieve our selfish desires. I confused love and lust, it won't ever happen again. Don't talk to me, don't even think about me. If you come within two meters of me, I swear I will knock your head clean off your shoulders. Don't tempt me. The way you have treated, and still continue to treat, your friends angers me greatly. You don't deserve their friendship or loyalty. And you sure as hell don't deserve forgiveness or a second chance. You fucked up. Deal with it.

And to be 100% honest. I think you're a cunt.

Good riddance.
Bianca.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Day 5 - Your dreams + Day 6 - A Stranger

Dreams.

I dream about crazy things. Crazy enough to make me want to become an insomniac. Crazy enough to confuse reality with dream. Crazy enough to be afraid of my own mind. Point being, I don't like my dreams. I'd talk about the dreams I have for my future and what I want my life to become, but that's boring. "Dreams, hopes and goals" thing doesn't sit well with me. I don't like committing to long term things. Especially if it's in the distant future. I spend a lot of my time day dreaming too. Seriously. Most of the time I day dream about "what if" situations. I always question my past. I think I spend too much time dreaming and not enough time actually living. Probably explains why my life hasn't really become anything spectacular. Yet.


A Stranger.

So I used to work at Hungry Jack's/Burger King. During my 9 months there, a deaf gentleman used to come in. He would come in and give me a piece of paper with his order on it. He was rather old, and I think he may have had a mental disability too, but he was the most genuine person I had ever met. So much so that I still remember him as clear as yesterday. I thought he was absolutely adorable and I wanted to talk to him so many times. I don't know how I would have, seeing as he's deaf and I don't speak sign language. I remember one time he came in with a group of deaf friends. I spent my whole 8 hour shift watching them have their conversations and interact with each other. I couldn't believe in a world full of silence that such happiness and friendship could be found. They had this undeniable understanding of each other without realising it. It was utterly amazing to see people communicate with just actions. From that day forward, I placed all my belief in the old saying, "Actions speak louder than words." Just quietly, I miss seeing him from time to time. He made me happy.

P.S: I had a full weekend so no time to an individual post each day. I think I may continue to do weekends as a combined post from now on.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Day 4 - Your sibling/closest relative

Brother

Dearest brother, you will never know how much pride I feel when people realise we're siblings. It always comes as a surprise to them, because we don't look alike. I remember as children how our parents made us dress in identical outfits, because we looked like twins. They thought it was a humorous idea, we did not. We haven't always got along, and had great differences between us, but we're siblings and that's just what happens. No matter how angry we get at each other, the next day we're perfectly fine. You're not only my brother, but one of my closest friends. I miss seeing you every day at home, and I wish you could move back in. I liked the way you used to call me when you were bored so we could catch up and talk about nothing. It was the best. And let's face it, you're clearly the smarter, taller, funnier, more popular sibling. People take an instant shine to you. You're naturally good at everything, which always made me feel like I was a sucky person. I remember the countless bike rides we'd go for in summer, and the times you practiced tennis with me, even though I really suck and you won all the time. Even if I'm embarrassing, you still hang out with me and aren't ashamed to admit we're family. I know you look out for me all the time, even though it's secretly in the background. I do the same for you. You're my favourite member of the family and I love you.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Day 3 - Your parents

Mother

You're family, and most people believe that you just have to love family. But it's not forced upon me, I want to. I want to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. You've raised me to be the woman I am today, you sheltered me from everything that tires to hurt me, you've picked me up and helped me when things have been too tough, you've celebrated some of my happiest moments in life, and you're always, always, going to be there for me. I owe you everything I have in life. If it wasn't for you, I most certainly would not be here today. You took me from my broken home and built me a castle of happiness. You always go that extra mile for me and always put myself before yourself. You're giving, nurturing, and loving. We might not be as close as we once were, but I know that I can run back to you whenever I need. You always have my best interests at heart, even though I might not see it at the time. Thank you for everything. I love you.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day 2 - Your crush/lover

Michael Dean Rye

I cannot begin to describe the amount of happiness and love you bring into my life. You support me 100% on everything I do. You've seen me at my utter worst, and you still love me. I love your cuddles and the way you play with my fingers when you hold my hand. Falling asleep in your arms is my favourite thing to do. I absolutely adore how we sit around in complete silence, pull faces, and then giggle to ourselves for hours. We spend so much time together and I never get sick of it. We've been through some pretty rough patches, I'd like to believe that they've made us stronger. I'm ever so thankful that I have you to lean on when times get tough. We have so much in common and share the same thoughts. I get the craziest butterflies in my tummy when you romance me - the rose by the bed, leaving notes for me, corny pick up lines, lame jokes, everything ! You know exactly how to make me happy, and do a perfect job. We've been together for a year, and I hope we can spend another happy year together. I can't predict the future, but I know it'll be full of happiness and love if I have you.
I love you the most.







P.S: Today is my birthday. Hasn't been the best day, but it certainly got better when I got home. No presents yet, I don't really care for them. I'm so excited for the weekend. My masquerade party should be a hit. I got flooded with Facebook notifications from everyone wishing me a happy birthday. Everyone has been wonderful today. 22 today. As much as I hate growing up, at least it'll be fun.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day 1 -Your best friend;

Ryan Thomas Sweeney.

I don't even know where to begin with you. You amaze me, really (: You've always been there for me as I've been there for you. We've always been really chill around each other and I love spending time with you. I miss the weekends we'd have at mine - gigs, drinking, partying, bacon&eggs in the morning. Life was gold. Still is. I miss going to town and hanging out in the mall. Even though our inside jokes have taken a back seat, I still think you're one of the best people to make me giggle. Nothing makes me happy like seeing you happy. No matter what you do in life, I'm always going to support you. I'll always have your back, bruv. We go months without seeing each other or talking, but the moment we're in the same space as each other, it's like we've never left each other's side. You're not just my best friend, you're family. You will always have a special place in my heart. No one will ever replace you. I love you (:

Monday, June 21, 2010

30 Day Challenge;

You must write about the following:


Day 1 - Your best friend.
Day 2 - Your crush/lover.
Day 3 - Your parents.
Day 4 - Your sibling/closest relative.
Day 5 - Your dreams.
Day 6 - A stranger
Day 7 - An ex boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush.
Day 8 - Your favourite internet friend.
Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet.
Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to.
Dat 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to.
Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain.
Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you.
Day 14 - Someone you've drifted away from.
Day 15 - The person you miss the most.
Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country.
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood.
Day 18 - The person you wish you could be.
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad.
Day 20 - The one that your heart the hardest.
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression.
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to.
Day 23 - The last person you kissed.
Day 24 - The person that gave you your favourite memory.
Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times.
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to.
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day.
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life.
Day 29 - The person that you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to.
Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror.


Day 1 starts tomorrow. Ohboy, ohboy.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Teeth Of Wisdom;

This could not explain more clearly the pain I feel right now. I've broken my nose and endured the pain of the flu at the same time, but the pain of my bottom right wisdom tooth coming through and infecting my gum, comes a close second. I have never, ever, everrrrr, before had trouble with my teeth. They've all come up perfectly straight, all nice and white, and no cavities or the likes. SO WHY THE HELL DOES THIS SINGULAR TOOTH HAVE TO CAUSE ME SUCH PAIN ?!
Tosser of a tooth, if you ask me.


I'm still baffled by the term, "Wisdom teeth," and I'd like to meet the person who named them as such so I can punch them in the face, so they too can share my pain. Nevertheless, my curiosity beat me down and I had to Wiki it up. Here's what Wiki could tell me:
-They are generally though to be called wisdom teeth because they appear so late - much later than the other teeth, at an age where people are presumably "wiser" than as a child.
-In Korean, its name is Sa-rang-nee referring to the young age and the pain of the first love.
-In Japanese, it's name is Oyashirazu, literally meaning "unknown to the parents," from the idea that they erupt after a child has moved away.
There's more but I don't care for it.

I don't know about you, but just because I'm wiser than I was as a child, does not mean I enjoy the constant throbbing pain in my mouth. And as a matter of fact, I don't remember the loss of my "first love" hurting anything like this. In fact, it was less painful and easier to numb out. I still haven't moved out of home either, so that silly Japanese theory does not apply. Wiki has taught me nothing, and I'm still stuck wondering why such a lovely term as "wisdom" was given to such a stupid tooth, that in most cases is removed. I don't feel any wiser having the teeth, I just feel more grumpy.

My dentist appointment is tomorrow. I'm nervous. I don't like medical procedures, and the idea of needles in my mouth terrifies me. I suppose, "no pain, no gain," applies to such a situation. I don't want someone poking around in my mouth when I can't see. I don't want someone causing me pain. I don't want to wake up feeling the same, if not worse. I don't want puffy cheeks and still being unable to eat solids. ...I think it's quite safe to say I have control issues... Might as well summon all my courage tomorrow morning. If I want this tooth gone, I'm going to face my fear head on.


Monday, June 14, 2010

Terms & Conditions;


If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.
You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

-Unknown.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

(L)____(L)

Just quietly, this made my day perfect. Even after being together for a year, he still knows how to give me butterflies in my tummy.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Fah-Fah-Fahreezing !

I wish winter in Australia was more like this. Waking up to the world in a blanket of snow would make me happy. I don't like being rained on, nor do I like wind blowing my hair all over the place. Winter here is awful. But the snow is beautiful. It's crystal clear. It's bright. It's simple. A winter wonderland is what I need. I love summer, I really do, but the idea that I could make a snow man and snow angels, build a snow fort and have a snow ball fight are fantasies I wish were reality. I can dig hot chocolates with marshmallows and cuddles by the fire place. I can dig big coats, beanies, scarves and mittens. I can dig sitting in my room watching the snow fall. I can dig the tress missing leaves and having crystal ones instead. I can dig hearing the snow crush under my feet. I can dig winter, if it were more like this.