they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Sunday, October 31, 2010

P.S: I don't know how I forgot this movie;

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate the way you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around,
and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.

Day two — Your favorite movie;

In no particular order;

[Of course, Harry Potter includes all of the movies minus the two due for release soon.]

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Day one - favourite song;

Yes, I am doing another blog challenge. Suck it up, I'm out of ideas right now. I have a lot of favourite songs, deal with it (:

Mango Tree - Angus & Julia Stone. 
I wish I had a mango tree
In my backyard
With you standin next to me
Take the picture
From her lips I heard her say
Can I have you
Caught up on what to say
I said you do

Save yourself - Sense Field.
Could you save yourself
for someone who
loves you for you
and loves me for me?
We give it away to someone who
someone who'd cherish your name.

Some will seek forgiveness, others escape - Underoath.
Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another.

More than life - Whitley.
To touch something real,
Will help your wounds heal,
Like the sun on your face,
The dreams of starry nights.

Valium - Lisa Mitchell.
Sometimes your love is so quiet I don’t even need to speak
Sometimes your heart is so loud I can’t even hear the beat
Well I wish I could bottle it up and breathe it back like valium
Sometimes your love is so quiet I don’t even need to speak

With me - Sum 41.
I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Down - Blink 182.
The drops of rain they fall all over
This awkward silence makes me crazy
The glow inside burns light upon her
I'll try to kiss you if you let me

In the water I am beautiful - City & Colour.
These words might be, too little too late,
And I’m afraid that I have already lost you.
Now three months equals eternity and this will be so hard
And I will long to hold you in my arms

[The song with no name] - Snob Scrilla.
'Cause she'll never be you
No she'll never be you
Said she'll never be you
That's why the love it just won't be true
'Cause that's not where I belong
Said that's not where I belong
My heart knows where I belong
With you is where I belong

Adieu - Enter Shikari.
I cherish my loss
A gentle reminder, that life is unkind
At the best of times

Fix you - Coldplay.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

Battle for the sun - Placebo.
I will battle for the sun
‘Cause I have stared down the barrel of a gun
No falling
You are a cheap and nasty fake
And I am the bones you couldn’t break

7am, 2 bottles and the wrong road - Jonny Craig.
I have no time girl,
To play this game with you.
I have a queen.
Why would I settle for a fucking maid?
Don't bring me back to this game.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The past should stay dead;

You know how you always reach that point in your life, where you look back on your past and ask yourself:


Yeah well, I've reached that point. You've shown me exactly what I've been missing out on, and to be honest; it's not much. I'm pretty content with the decisions I've made throughout my life, even if they've hurt others. I did the things I did because I live in the moment, I live in the now, and it made me happy at the time. I don't dwell over the past, and I most certainly do not fantasise about the future. I live right here; in present day. The past is a whole bunch of coulda-woulda-shoulda and I don't have time to contemplate my past decisions. All I have to care about is what's happening right now. The future isn't set in stone, anything can happen, and it always changes. The only time I have control over is the present, and I'm going to make it the goshdamn happiest present I can. Truth be told - that's all that matters to me.

P.S: Once upon a time, there was this guy that all my friends and I thought was rather attractive. Despite every girl's attempt to catch him, he always declined. As I found out today, he's come out and announced he's gay. No wonder the girls never got anywhere, aha. I just want to say, GOOD FOR YOU, BUDDY :D I hope whoever your life partner turns out to be makes you incredibly happy. You deserve it (:

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

There was a butterfly in my room today;

Some people love birds because they have the gift of flight. But not me. I like butterflies better. It's really quite simple.

Butterflies can fly, just as birds can, but they're far more graceful and delicate about it. There's something magical about a butterfly passing you by. They're enchanting. They're incredibly beautiful and fragile. They have some amazing colour combinations and patterns on their wings. Some are designed to frighten away predators, some are designed to be alluring. But the most incredible thing about these elegant creatures is the metamorphosis they undergo. They start off as fuzzy little caterpillars [I like caterpillars too] and yet end up as beautiful butterflies. Caterpillars continuously eat until they reach the time to become cocoons. And it's this intermediate phase that amazes me the most. A caterpillar is transformed into a delicate butterfly, all the while inside that cocoon.

Nature takes something small and turns it into something incredible. It's truly fascinating, and all the reason why butterflies are better than birds. Plus, they don't have beady little eyes that pierce your soul, ha !

I think people are like that, too, metaphorically speaking of course. We go along merrily in our own little worlds just doing what we do. We explore everything and consume all the information we can. Then one day, it's like we suddenly decide it's time to withdraw into our cocoons. We start changing and growing, and become someone brighter. I think for humans, our metamorphosis is grown up from a child into an adult, and our cocoon is our teenage years. We emerge as someone so grown up. Some of us do this earlier than others, but we all do it. We all grow from someone small into someone great and tall [Ha, I rhymed, awesome]. I think my time to become a cocoon is soon. I'm really quite terrified of growing up.

Monday, October 25, 2010


People should fall in love
with their eyes closed.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Old habits die hard;

What if ?

I don't usually ask that question, in fact I rarely do. I don't question things that happen in life. I just accept that it didn't go to plan and move on with it. That's how I learnt how to be happy. But lately I haven't been able to stop myself. I keep thinking about things that have happened in my life, and wondering, maybe, sort of, a little bit of, what if ?

I've made some terrible decisions in my past and they cost me more than I was willing to give up. But those decisions have brought me here. Right here. I'm currently sitting on Michael's futon at his house, while he's watching Top Gear. And I'm here because of all those great and awful decisions I've made. Life is good. It's better than good; it's amazing.

The thing is, I know exactly how my life would have turned out. I most certainly, undoubtedly, know. It's just one of those things about myself that I know. I know myself better than most people think; I just don't make a big fuss over it. I try to become a better person through realising my faults. I know I'm reckless, emotional, and immature. I know who I am, I'm one of those people who actually learns from their mistakes.

Asking myself what if? is a really stupid thing for me to do. Truth is; I really don't care how different things could be. I don't want to think about how much worse, or better, my life would have been. I'm happy right now. I've was instantly happier with my life once I stopped asking "why". The moment I chose to accept who I am, the happier I became. I know exactly who I am. And on top of that, I know that my life is exactly as I want it. No more, no less.

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
~ Charles R. Swindoll.


This just made my day.
I only want to be friends with people who understand this.

P.S: If I really must explain - I'm not gonna "Raichu" a love song --> I'm not gonna "write you" a love song.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


This, all too often, is my problem. I feel too much. I'm not sure how really, but I do. I cry too much, I smile too much, I laugh too much, I'm angry too often - everything all at once. I'm constantly overloaded with emotions that I get confused. I'm never sure how I'm meant to feel about things because I'm constantly feeling everything.

I'm happy for the things I have, but I'm sad because I know some have a lot less. I laugh at pretty much everything, but I stress because I don't take things seriously enough. I worry over things that don't matter, and that makes me angry. I know it's normal to feel all of these emotions, but sometimes I wish I didn't feel as much.

There are days, as much as I hate to admit, where I feel nothing. I have no desire to leave my bed or talk to anyone, or even eat. I don't get hungry, thirsty or aches from sitting in the same position all day. I don't feel bored but I'm not entertained either. I'm so emotionally drained from everything that I neither feel emotions nor feel numb. It's this weird limbo I sit in until something around me forces me to change.

I'm probably not the only one. I'm sure there are others who can relate to this, but still. It doesn't change the fact that I don't feel things that I want to, or I feel them too much. I've pretty much lost control over balancing my emotions. I've kind of lost who I am to myself. I know that I am a happy person; so why is it when I feel it, it feels like it's too much ? And how can anyone be unhappy that they're too happy ? It doesn't make sense.

Maaaan, I need to do some serious soul searching.
I need to find me again, and hold on to it tightly.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I want to wake up where you are;

"Could you whisper in my ear, the things you wanna feel
I'll give you anything, to feel it comin'."
I miss waking up to his smiling face.
I miss feeling his breath on my neck while we're sleeping.
I miss doing this every morning and every night.


And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I am no more apart of your secret life, as you are of mine.
I don't even know what's happening to me.
I just want to know who you are.
I'm tired of secrets.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Jazzy Fizz;

Playing the Hang Drum.

Hey Ya cover, originally performed by Outkast.

Aidan Jones, aka Jazzy Fizz, is a friend of mine who's pretty much a musical genius. I don't think there's an instrument he doesn't know how to play. I remember the first time I saw him play - He was roughly 13, on stage playing bass [I think ?] and screaming lyrics along side the other band members. I'm never going to forget that night. I stood there in awe of his talent, and I still do. I only wish I had made it to more of his shows before the band broke up. He may look different from then, but he still amazes me.
I envy his musical talent.

Friday, October 15, 2010


Always. Endlessly.
Enduringly. For good.
For life. Forevermore.
Immortally. Infinitely.
Lasting. Permanently. 
Till death do us part.
Till the end of time.
A world without end.

Forever is probably the most frightening word in the English language. It has an extremely heavy meaning, one I'm not sure I'm ready to bare. I said it once, and the results were catastrophic. I refuse to say it anymore. It scares me, you know. I don't want to make that sort of promise to someone and break it. And yet, it's something I desire most. I'm so terrified that if I say it, it'll ruin things and not work out. Then what ? I'm left feeling like I've made a huge mistake in confessing how I might have felt. Again.
No. I'm sorry, but no. I won't say it. I just won't. Not until I find someone who believes I'm worthy enough to hear it first. However selfish that may be.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I don't want this to end;

This should be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book cover.
For some stupidbutt reason, google gives me this instead.
And yes, I'm copying the image code properly, don't mess with me.
I solemly swear that I am up to no good.
It's almost all over. The books have already come to an end. The last two movies are being released; the first in November 2010 and the second in 2011. As excited as I am to see these movies, I'm also incredibly sad. At the end of it, Harry wins, Voldermort dies, and everyone lives happily ever after. Except me.

I am going to miss the excitement of waiting months and months for the newest book to arrive, and then reading it all in one night. I'm going to miss the line ups for movie tickets and being blown away with the story brought to life. I'm going to miss talking about which house I would have wanted to be in, and whether Harry or Draco was the one for me.

On the bright side, when I eventually have kids, they'll be brought up on Harry Potter just like I was. They'll get to read one book a year, and see one movie in between, just like I have. I want them to experience it as it is right now.

I'm going to miss you, Harry Potter.

Mischief managed.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

This broke me a bit;

Tyler Clementi
He was a 19 year old student at Rutgers University.
After his college roommate tweeted “roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into Molly’s room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay.”, he live-streamed Tyler having sexual relations with his boyfriend. Tyler threw himself off a bridge after finding out.

Raymond Chase
He was a 19 year old student at Johnson & Wales University in Rhode Island.
He hung himself in his dorm room.
“Raymond Chase was a person who liked Harry Potter and Rugrats and was a member of the popular facebook group “I cant spell “bananas” without singing hollaback girl.

Seth Walsh
Seth Walsh was a thirteen year old middle school student.
He was bullied to the point that he could not bear to live.
“He spent a lot of his life frightened.” It was in person, through the internet, through phonecalls. His peers were relentless. He was perpetually picked on for his mannerisms and his style of dressing, even before he came out as gay.
His mother found him hanging from a tree in their backyard. He spent over a week lingering on life support before he died.

Asher Brown
He was a 13-year-old eighth grader at Hamilton Middle School outside Houston His family says that he was “bullied to death”.

”Asher was tormented for being small. For his religious beliefs. For the way he dressed. And for being gay. His bullies acted out mock gay sex acts in phys ed class.”His parents repeatedly contacted school officials on his bullying. Nothing was ever done.
He shot himself in the head.

Billy Lucas
He was a 15-year-old freshman at Greensburg High School in Indiana.
“Everyone made fun of him.” Like Asher, his school administration knew but did nothing.
A friend says the bullies would call Billy “gay and tell him to go kill himself.” Homophobic hate messages have been left on his facebook memorial page.

and there are more
The death toll for this school year is already at 7.
Seven kids who have lost their lives because of hateful peers.
It’s horrible that it’s taken tragedies like this to finally wake this nation up.