they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Old habits die hard;

What if ?

I don't usually ask that question, in fact I rarely do. I don't question things that happen in life. I just accept that it didn't go to plan and move on with it. That's how I learnt how to be happy. But lately I haven't been able to stop myself. I keep thinking about things that have happened in my life, and wondering, maybe, sort of, a little bit of, what if ?

I've made some terrible decisions in my past and they cost me more than I was willing to give up. But those decisions have brought me here. Right here. I'm currently sitting on Michael's futon at his house, while he's watching Top Gear. And I'm here because of all those great and awful decisions I've made. Life is good. It's better than good; it's amazing.

The thing is, I know exactly how my life would have turned out. I most certainly, undoubtedly, know. It's just one of those things about myself that I know. I know myself better than most people think; I just don't make a big fuss over it. I try to become a better person through realising my faults. I know I'm reckless, emotional, and immature. I know who I am, I'm one of those people who actually learns from their mistakes.

Asking myself what if? is a really stupid thing for me to do. Truth is; I really don't care how different things could be. I don't want to think about how much worse, or better, my life would have been. I'm happy right now. I've was instantly happier with my life once I stopped asking "why". The moment I chose to accept who I am, the happier I became. I know exactly who I am. And on top of that, I know that my life is exactly as I want it. No more, no less.

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
~ Charles R. Swindoll.

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