they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you - don't you;

You can keep pretending that you're a genuinely cute and good person, but I'm not fooled in the slightest. And neither are the people you call your "friends". After the agreeing statements I've received, it's safe to say you're a fake and horrid little person. Everyone knows your personality is fabricated. Everyone knows that under that superficial and artificial "cute face", you're nothing but a copy of all the people you're jealous of. I can live with that, can you ?

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean."

Day thirty – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days*;

Lots of bling thanks to new job (:
  1. New job. WOOYEAH :D It'll be the best 6 weeks ever.
  2. I am slowly gaining back the person I used to be. Lots of positivity and happiness (:
  3. Mother came back from Melbourne today, and brought back a beach towel for me. I love practical gifts !
  4. I am super duper loved. Yes, yes I am ♥
I know it said three things, but I have four for today. Actually I could probably write ten things for the past month, but I won't. So there's the blog challenge completed. Now it's up to me to draw on my muse and hope that what comes to mind is worthy of reading. I'm sure I'll have my mind flooded with thoughts since summer's coming up, and I have a ton of music festivals to attend. Lots of sunny beach hangs, time to read intriguing books, and drink lots of tea in my lusciously green backyard.

Today's also my brother's birthday. So, Happy Birthday little brother :D
*Yes, I did this blog challenge over more than 30 days, but shoosh.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Day twenty nine – Something you could never get tired of doing;

There are so many things in life that I love doing over and over again. Like those moments where you laugh so hard your sides hurt and you think you're going to pee yourself. And the precise moment that stupid pokeball stops moving and you've caught an awesome pokemon. When you've spent all night playing the same level over and over again on a game just so you can get that awesome high score. Those Déjà vu days when you feel like you're psychic. The incredible overwhelming feeling of excitement when you get to see your favourite band play live for the first time. The way your heart beats faster when you're holding the one you love most. The way you instantly feel better after a shower. And the sense of accomplishment when you receive your first pay cheque. The nostalgic feeling you get when looking at old photos and reminiscing what used to be. The first bite of your favourite food. The way the heat feels like it's reaching every inch of your body when you take a sip of tea. When you stare at the stars and come to the realisation that you're not as big as you first thought. The first kiss with your new love. The moments you think about something happy, and you smile to yourself.
I hate it when the only thing that can stop you from crying is the very reason why you are.

Today, I found my kitten all bloody, with a broken jaw, and a severely damaged paw. He got hit by a car last night/early this morning. I put him outside before I went to bed last night because he was annoying me. I shouldn't have done that, and now he's at the vets recovering from his injuries. I've been bursting out in tears all day trying to get a grip on the situation. He might lose that paw if the nerves don't react in a few weeks. I have no idea how long it'll be before he can come home again. I miss him. I want him back; even if he may only have three legs.

On the bright side; Michael said we can dress him up like a pirate if he does lose his paw. He'll be Captain Ichigo, aha. Trying to see the lighter side in a dark situation can seem daunting, but I need to remain positive. He'll be okay, no matter what happens. 1 life down, 8 more to go.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


This is your life. 
"Do what you love, and do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit. If you don't have enough time, stop watching tv. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analysing, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful when you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize them. Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them. So go out and start creating. Live your dream, and wear your passion. This is your life."

Day twenty eight – In this past month, what have you learned?

Sharing is caring.
Honesty is the best policy.
Patience is the key to everything.
Some things are better left unsaid.
It's the simple things in life that count.
And people, like these two, make the world a better place (:

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Day twenty seven – What kind of person attracts you?

Someone who loves me & makes me happy.
People come with their good and bad sides, and I'd rather take someone as a whole than only for the good. As long as they can make me happy, feel loved, and cherish being together, then I don't need much more than that. I want to feel incredible just by being apart of their life, side by side. I'm pretty lucky to have an amazing boyfriend who lavishes me with everything I need.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Day twenty six – A photo of somewhere you want to go;

The beaches.
Cherry Blossom Festival.
The snowy mountains.
The pyramids.
Oh, and my sponsor child too :3


You think the way you live is okay
You think posin'
Will save the day
You think we don't see
That you're running
Better call your boys
'Cause I'm coming

It's almost over now, almost over now.

Love of my life;

I would seriously marry whoever buys me one for Christmas.

The Super Nintendo Entertainment System [SNES as it's also popularly known by] made me fall in love with Nintendo. Oh, how I simply cherished my youth playing this for hours on end. Best thing that ever happened to me. I used to own one, but after I did some early childhood rebelling, mother saw it an adequate punishment to give it away to a friend of hers. I cried my little heart out that day. I'm still vexed at her for it. Bitch.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Sliding doors;

I've always wondered how people do it - live a lie. I don't get it. How do people pretend like that ? I'm serious. I can't get my head around it.

You know the people - the ones who've obviously lost a battle but refuse to go down with their sinking ship. They don't want to accept that they've lost and will continue to hold on to whatever memories and feelings they have to keep themselves afloat. The people who live in a delusional world that revolves around whatever fantasy they desire. They can't let go of what's not real anymore. They fight against reality.

Sometimes it's because we're still grieving over our loss, sometimes it's too painful to let go, sometimes false hope is all we have left, sometimes living a lie is easier. It's still not right. How can you do that to yourself ? To everyone else ? Keeping yourself locked away in your own little world makes the loss so much greater when you finally accept it. You realise not only have you lost, but everything you thought was real, is a lie. It's not healthy and it shouldn't be done.

Yes, you can remember how things used to be, and it is okay to miss it from time to time, but you should never live in a moment that's already expired. You can't live the rest of your life in falsehood; you will never get past it. You'll hurt yourself and the ones around you, even if you never meant to. And it's even worse when it comes to relationships.

The one who won't let go and move on. The one who thinks there's still a chance. The one that keeps telling themselves that it's just a phase and it'll pass. The one who thinks history will repeat itself, because it has before. The one who's claimed to have moved on with someone new but won't let go of the past. The one who's still in love when the other is not. That person is living a lie, and they know it.

I've never known someone who can create such a lie and immerse themselves so far that reality feels like a dream in comparison. How can you blatantly deny yourself the future opportunity to find someone new who brings you something you've never felt before ? How can you lie to yourself ? I simply don't understand.

Note to self: Do not read old msn conversations. How horrible.

Day twenty five – Who are you?;

I guess every person has layers to who they are.

Layer one - on the outside.
Bianca Rose Addams.

23 June 1988, makes me 22 and I thoroughly hate it.

Current location:

Zodiac sign:
Cancer, the crab.

Layer two - on the inside.
Your heritage:
I was born in Australia so that makes me Australian. I don't care for my parent's Italian background.

Your fears:
Abandonment. Falling off the bed in my sleep. Making eye contact with strangers.

Your weakness:
I'm one of those people who can become easily attached to someone. In saying that, I can also detach myself from someone just as easily.

Find everlasting happiness and never ending love.
/vomit at my cliché answer.

Layer three - yesterday, today, tomorrow.
Your thoughts first waking up:
If I wake up next to Michael, my mind kind of goes numb with silence because I'm too happy to think about the rest of the world. If I wake up alone, I usually try to instantly forget whatever dream I had.

Your most missed memory:
There's only one. I miss the person I turned my back on.

Layer four- do you ?
Only when I'm incredibly drunk beyond memory. Shame on me.

Have a crush:
It's more of a love thing, you know (:

Think you've been in love:
Currently am, and plan to be for a long time.

Want to get married:
If it feels right, yes.

Believe in yourself:
Goodness no. Only the tiniest bit, in fear that I'll fail and let myself down.
No expectations, no disappointment.

Think you're a health freak:
HA ! No.

Layer five- in the past month.
Drank alcohol:
More than likely.

Been to the movies:
Yupyup. Michael and I go often (:

Gone shopping:
Will be today with Michael. Yay :D
Apparently he likes shopping with me, go figure.

Dyed your hair:
It's been over that I think.

Layer six - have you ever?
Played a stripping game:
Kings with Sammy always means people get naked. Oh, and strip poker but I fail every time.

Gotten beaten up:
Story of my childhood.

Changed who you were to fit in:
Kids used to make fun of me behind my back because I was "weird". By weird, they mean I played games and junk. I'm not like other girls.

Layer seven - getting old.
Age you're hoping to be married:
Mid - late 20s.

Age you're hoping to have kids:
Late 20s - early 30s.

Age you're hoping to retire:
Isn't there some law saying I can't access my superannuation until a certain age ? Or something like that.

Layer eight - what were you doing.
1 minute ago:
This. Obviously.

1 hour ago:
Sitting at the airport making sure my grandpa got on his flight okay.

1 day ago:
Yesterday I was... at home, doing nothing. Much like today, except today involves cleaning my room.

1 year ago:
This time last year I would have been at work, doing my work thing.

Layer nine - finish the sentence.
I love:
My family + best friends.

I feel:
Hungry. Boo.

I hate:
I have no time for hate.

I hide:
Other's secrets. It's the only time I have to lie, only because I promised I wouldn't tell. I'd rather be hated for not telling the truth than breaking a promise in these situations.

I miss:
My best friends. I get to see them tonight (:

I need:
A cup of tea, a maid to clean my room for me, and some pop corn. I'd rather watch Sleepy Hollow than clean my room. Merrrh.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Day twenty four – A photo of something that means a lot to you;

Finding a photo of brother and I together is extremely hard.
This is the best I could find, aha.
He'll always just be Ryan Thomas Sweeney to me.
None of that Ryan Massacre stuff.
Hannah and I like to drink together.
Bradley 00 Semmens.
She's my favourite Kellie Jellie.
Celeste is will always be my sister and best friend.
Rachel is Ichigo's second mummy.
Every moment I spend with Michael is the happiest.
There are others who know they meant a lot to me, but these guys are extra special. They'll always have a special place in my heart and life. I love each and every one of them to death. They make my life incredible.

It's all in your head;

You know those crazy-insane-feels-like-reality dreams ? I keep having those. I wake up feeling as I did in my dream, and it's starting to hurt my head. The other morning I woke up feeling extreme happiness and sadness. Conflicting as all hell. I felt happiness because something I really wanted almost happened [it seems to be something I exclusively want in my dreams], and then I was sad because I ruined the moment and the person involved cried their heart out. Waking up still feeling like this, with hardly any recollection of what actually happened and what was dream, kills me. I lay there for a few minutes trying to sort out the puzzle of thoughts in my head.

Is this my subconscious' way of telling me what I really want for my life ? And that I'm going to ruin it ? What the hell is going on inside my head ? I'm becoming so afraid of the subjects in these vivid dreams that I almost don't want to sleep anymore.

/wolf whistle;

Fiona Bergson [French Doll] is off the charts.
I want to be covered in tattoos just like her.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Like a horcrux;

Like a Horcrux - Harry Potter Parody.
Give me that deathly
give me that hallows
Harry Potter’s my name
killing death eaters is my game. 

To be honest, this version is so much better than the original.
I am in love, and need to download this song somehow.


In shallow seas we sail;

I got eyes in the back of my head and I see where you're going with this.
I'm not surprised. You take me for a fool.

I know why you do the things you do. You don't want to be forgotten; left behind; become the past; a distant faded memory. It still doesn't justify the things you do. You can't fight a battle you've already lost. The harder you try, the more damage you cause. Savour what's left before you lose it all in your jealous rage.

Day twenty three – 15 facts about you;

  1. My hands and feet are almost always freezing cold unless it's above 35 degrees Celsius.
  2. I've never had braces. My teeth have always been perfectly straight, and my dentist always compliments me on them (:
  3. I have always been this skinny, even as a child. My doctor says I have a fast metabolism, so I'll stick with that. I've had numerous blood tests and other random tests to see why I don't gain weight, but nothing has ever come up.
  4. My sternum is curved in towards my lungs and heart. It makes me rather self conscious and I'm always shy when I'm in a bikini because of it. I've had x-rays and whatnot done on it, and it's not life threatening.  I would have surgery to fix it but they can't promise to realign it perfectly straight again. Plus they'd have to cut through my tattoo, and I'm not having that.
  5. Phone calls make me nervous. I don't like that awkward silence and trying to find something to say to make it less awkward, which in fact makes it all the more awkward.
  6. I get envious, but not jealous. Envy and jealousy are two different things. I'm not selfish, so I hardly ever get jealous. Kellie's the only person I get jealous of, because she's so positive and happy all the time, and I wish my positivity would make me half as happy as her. But it's never in a resentful way, I love her way too much.
  7. I'm lactose intolerant. Yes, I still eat ice cream, yoghurt and the likes, but unlike an allergy, I won't die from consuming it. It just means if I have too much of it, I get sick. Intolerances can be weakened, allergies cannot.
  8. I can never let my arm or leg hang over the edge of the bed. I'm afraid of falling off the bed.
  9. I've been collecting movie stubs since about 2006. 2010 is by far the winning year.
  10. You'll find me sitting crossed legged most of the time. It's really comfy to sit like that, so I do. Even on desk chairs, which can sometimes result in falling off.
  11. I've been playing games since I can remember. I first had a classic Atari that mother bought from brother and I. Then came the classic Game Boy that father bought us, and from then on I've always loved Nintendo the most.
  12. I'm a light sleeper so sleeping on my own can be troublesome. So can sleeping next to someone who snores and rolls a lot in bed. I'm looking at you, Bradley, haha !
  13. I have not slept with my best friends Ryan or Bradley. Just because I'm close to them doesn't mean I've slept with them. I feel comfortable enough around them not to care about nudity or the likes.
  14. I have now entered into my second long term relationship. I don't know what makes me a good girlfriend, I just know that I am. I'm also not needy. Or at least I'd hope not.
  15. I'm 100% honest [not blunt], which can sometimes mean people hear things they don't want to. Don't ask questions if you're not prepared for the answer. On top of that, I also despise liars.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Say what ?;

"Growing up sucks. 
Not all kisses are magic, 
and most boys do not live up to your expectations, 
but there are those times when everything, 
I mean.. love, romance, relationships, 
it all falls together perfectly and it's incredible."

I'm pretty lucky that my life is incredible.

A glass of bubble to celebrate;

Hello new job :D It may only be over Christmas, it may only be casual hours, it may only be small pay, but it's better than being an unemployed bum. I feel really good right about now. Best phone call I've had in a long time. Aaaand 5 pieces of jewellery free plus 40% staff discount on all jewellery. Diamonds are a girl's best friend after all ;)

Monday is looking mighty fine. Awesome job interview, watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegs, scored a sweet job, puppy training with Rachel's little man, Chuck, and then Shaquabats basketball game. I'm going to squeeze in a celebratory Oreo McFlurry in there too, because it's hot and I want ice cream.

P.S: I may have mixed in two pain killers with that glass of bubbly, but who cares ? I'M EMPLOYED NOW, BITCHES >:D

Day twenty two – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently;

I only have one thing to say, then the topic is closed for discussion -

It's about time you finally got over it.


I've been rehearsing for my job interview for two hours now. I know I'm going to say something stupid. I must remember to think before I speak. I should be okay if I do that, ha !
Need to breathe and calm down.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

It's been a while;

It's late, it's hot, I have a job interview tomorrow, and I'm bored.  I stole this from Brittany Paige Hudson's tumblr page.

Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year?
18 months and counting ♥

How long would it take to walk to the nearest McDonald’s?
Ha ! No walking anywhere unless it's day time, sunny and warm outside. Well over an hour. I wouldn't attempt it.

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
More than one. I have so many people, and I'm always thankful.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around now?
Yes, life happens.

If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead?
Neither. I don't like to abuse my body on a regular basis. Sorry.

Are you a jealous person?
HA ! When pigs fly.

Strongest words are “i love you”?
"I'm crazy in love with you" means more to me than just "I love you."

If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed be there with you?
Most certainly.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
If I can outdo a year, 3 months is nothing.

Have you faced any of your fears lately?
Tomorrow I will. I hate being watched, and that's essentially what an interview is.

Are you feeling cuddly?
It's rather hot for that, but I'm always up to cuddle Michael.

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Whenever I see Michael next. Possibly Thursday, maybe Friday. I don't know.

Last person you talked to on the phone?
Michael and I were txting for a while (:

Want something you can’t have?
Nope. What more could I ask for than what I already have ?

When was the last time something bothered you?
The other week. Shouldn't be a problem any more. And if it comes up again, I'll make sure it never does after that.

How can I win your heart?
You can't. Michael's the only one I want.

Who was the last person to drive you somewhere?
I drove myself home, but Michael drove us to Coles and back earlier today.

Are you a sensitive person?
I try not to be, but it can't be helped sometimes.

Is the person you last texted single?

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without their shirt on?
And then some ;)

What would you do if the last person you kissed kissed someone right in front of you?
Well, he's kissed Celeste before and I didn't mind. She's my best friend after all, and we do share everything.

Name something you did yesterday?
Harry Potter.

Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
I couldn't imagine why.

Has anyone put their arm around you in the last 5 days?
All weekend :3

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Same person as now.

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
Every day.

Is it possible to be JUST friends with someone you wanna be with?
Only if you're 100% neutral and don't have feelings for them anymore.


We’re sitting out on the couch
A movie plays without the sound
Words to say left in my mouth
With nothing left to pour
To pour

The mind works in mysterious ways;

My life is filled with knowledge that things happened even though I don't remember them. I know I had puppies growing up, but I don't remember them. I know I had best friends in primary school, but I don't remember them. I know I used to live in Melbourne, but I don't remember it. I know I've been drunk in town, but I don't remember it. I know I had a father, but I don't remember him.
Memory is a funny thing.

Day twenty one – A photo of something that makes you happy;

Summer & the beach.
Skin on skin.
White Chicks.
Moments like this.
Friends like these guys.
Festivals with the Charlton's Crew.
Some of my favourite girls.
She will hate me for this, ha !
House parties.
Ryan and Rachel, ha !
Brother and I.
Greatest bunch of kids I know.

Michael, and everything that comes with him.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day twenty – The meaning behind your blog name;

I used to sing this song as a kid all the time. I annoyed all my friends with it, my family, and it was constantly stuck in my head. You know the one -

A sailor went to sea, sea, sea,
To see what he could see, see, see,
But all that he could see, see, see,
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea.

A sailor went to chop, chop, chop,
To see what he could chop, chop, chop,
But all that he could chop, chop, chop,
Was the bottom of the deep blue chop, chop, chop.

And so on, and so on. One of my favourite nursery rhymes of all time. It's plausible to say that I've been obsessed with sailors/pirates/the sea since forever, really.
It still gets stuck in my head from time to time, ha !

Friday, November 19, 2010

Day nineteen – Your reflection in the mirror;

I've already completed one blog challenge, and it asked the very same question as today's. So, I'm going to link you to that previous post and then write something extra for today - Previous post.

This time I'll write on my literal reflection rather than my previous metaphorical one. I don't have much to complain about. I'm naturally skinny, my skin is clear and smooth, I have a shapely figure, it looks like I haven't aged since I was 18 [currently 22] and my hair is almost as long as it used to be. I'm a good girl and treat my body well. I usually eat healthily, drink lots of water/tea, and do yoga to keep flexible, balanced and healthy. I also go on walks with the boyfriend's mother from time to time. The only thing I'd ever change is maybe my tummy. I have a tendency to overeat and bloat like a puppy. I miss how flat it used to be, but I guess with yoga and some stretches, I can fix that myself (: It's still pretty flat anyway, I'm just being a sook about it.

Interesting fact of the day - My weight is around 48kg [roughly 105 lbs], which isn't a lot. I have a fast metabolism as I've been told by my doctor, so I'm constantly eating. I get insanely cranky if I get hungry and there's no food, which happens a lot on weekends. I could probably eat twice as much as you.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


I hate that we're so goddamn similar. 
It makes me really, really angry. 

On the upside, I'm glad you're the one going out of your way to change. 
I'm sure as hell not changing just because of you.

I haven't done this in so long;

10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
10: You make me nervous when you say things without thinking. I don't know if there's some sort of hidden message behind it. I wish you'd just tell me what's going on inside your head. I hate guessing.
9: You're a cheating, lying, disrespecting asshole. You don't deserve what you have and I hope you lose it so you can learn a valuable lesson - girls are not playthings.
8: Ahfuck. I messed up big time. I could say I'm sorry every day for the rest of our lives but we both know that'll never fix it.
7: You are amazing. Ah-maz-ing. I'm so glad that I'll always have you to lean on. I love you (:
6: The sooner you learn to accept this, the sooner you can move on with your life. You can hold onto that history you so dearly love, but as long as I'm around, that's all you'll ever be; history.
5: I know we don't spend any time together anymore, it breaks my heart, but I know that you'll always be there as my best friend. There's nothing that'll stop you from being apart of my life.
4: There's this look in your eye that worries me. I only see it when you look at me. Don't be a fool.
3: Your positivity makes me jealous. Not many people do that to me, except you. It's a good thing. You're sort of my inspiration to become a better person.
2: Your double standards drive me insane. When I'm gone, I hope you realise how good things really were. Too bad it'll be too late by the time that happens.
1: I want nothing more than to be the shoulder you cry on. I want to comfort you, hold all your secrets, and be the person you run to when you need someone. I know it sounds selfish, but I care about you a lot.

9 Things people probably don't know about you:
9: I listen to Angus & Julia Stone every day. Oh, you probably already know that one.
8: I play with my nose piercing a lot, and most of the time people think I'm picking my nose. I get bored, leave me alone.
7: I'm really good at guessing things. In fact, I'm so good I tend to ruin surprises a lot.
6: I have problems sleeping because of the dreams I have. People die in my dreams; I don't like it.
5: If I trust you with my camera, phone, laptop or hair straightener, then I trust you more than everyone else. Sounds shallow, but that's how I am.
4: I'm socially retarded. I'm outgoing and I talk to random people, but I'm retarded and don't know what to say most of the time. Especially if someone compliments me - "Thank you" is my default reaction.
3: I secretly think people hate me behind my back. I don't know why and I'm constantly stressing that people don't like me. Stupid thing is, I don't care if someone actually doesn't like me to my face. It's only when it's behind my back.
2: The taste of my own blood makes me want to vomit. Ew.
1: I say inappropriate things all the time. I don't realise what I've said is inappropriate until someone tells me. It's shit. Explains why I'm socially retarded.

8 ways to win your heart:
8: Listen to what I say, think about it and do something with it.
7: Surprise me with things only I would understand.
6: Involve me in your life, not just with your friends but your family too.
5: Let me share your interest too. Maybe they'll grow on me and we can enjoy them together.
4: Write me a letter.
3: Take photos with me. Stupid faces and cute faces. Just take them with me.
2: Don't compare me to other girls, especially an ex.
1: Kiss me like you mean it.
[This section never changes.]

7 awesome movies:
7: The Adventures of Milo and Otis.
6: Hook.
5: Cruel Intentions.
4: Alice in Wonderland.
3: My Girl.
2: Every Harry Potter.
1: Pursuit of Happyness.

6 things you do before you fall asleep:
6: I think about Michael a heap.
5: Burn incenses to help me relax.
4: Get all comfy and warm.
3: Whisper goodnight to Ichigo/Michael if they're with me.
2: Think about what I want to change.
1: Dream.

5 people who mean a lot:
5: Larry, the brother.
4: Michael, the boyfriend.
3: Celeste, the best friend.
2: Ryan, the best friend.
1: Ichigo, the kitten.
[There are more people, I picked the first people to pop into my head.]

4 things you don't like:
4: Liars.
3: Waking up just before a good part in your dream.
2: Being left behind.
1: Not seeing my brother every day.

3 things you like:
3: Cute txts.
2: Summer and the beach.
1: Cuddles with Michael.

2 things you want to do before you die:
2: Find happiness and never ever let it go.
1: Live out the dreams I'm afraid to admit to.

1 confession:
There will come a day where all the painful memories I have will disappear into nothingness. I can't wait for that day.

I'm sick of these bullshit excuses;

The next time you say something along the lines of,
"I hate them. I never want to talk to them again,"
I will punch you in the face.
You're full of shit, and you know it.

Day eighteen – 5 things that irritate ME about opposite + same sex;

  1. Girls who fake it - hair extensions, fake tan, push up bras, loads of make up - who are you under all of that ?
  2. Tramps. Seriously, have some self respect. Sleeping with a bunch of guys does not make you cool; it makes you easy.
  3. Ditsy girls who do it on purpose. Grow up. Boys do not like stupid girls, unless he's a stupid boy too.
  4. Those idiot girls who think giving off not-so-subtle hints will actually work. You give the rest of us girls a bad reputation. If you want to say something, then say it or shut up with your "hints." Other girls don't understand you either.
  5. "Do I look fat in this ?" STUPIDEST. QUESTION. IN. THE. WORLD. No one cares if you look fat in something, except yourself. If you think you look fat in it, don't wear it. If you like it, wear it. Use your own brain once in a while instead of trying to coax people into saying you look skinny.
  1. A fully sick commodore ? Really ? Girls don't care what you drive. Unless she knows a few things about cars, she won't care and will only sleep with you because you'll drive her places. Sorry, but that's how it goes.
  2. Stop being sleazes. Try being smooth instead of slimy and you might actually get somewhere with a girl. Don't ever touch her butt and say something like, "Ooooo, hot stuff ;)" You'll get a smack to the face.
  4. Do not belittle a girl because she won't sleep with you. You think girls can be bitchy towards each other ? Watch out and see how vicious she can get when you piss her off.
  5. Players - Guys who think it's totally cool to sleep with two chicks at one time, yet think it's absolute bullshit when a girl does it back to them. What the fuck ? It's not acceptable for you to do it in the first place, and it's not acceptable for you to have double standards. Don't want to be played ? Then don't be a player. Girls will bond together just to fuck up your life because you slept with multiple girls at the one time. It's the one grudge every girl will hold against you.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Between you & I;

I love to miss people. I like that longing feeling. You know how it goes - you feel alone, empty almost, like you're not quiet yourself, and you're not exactly happy. It makes you realise how much you love someone, and what a remarkable effect they have on you and your life. You know that no matter how alone you feel, there's someone you can think of and feel a sense of comfort. You can feel it in your soul, like you're dying without them - it hurts like nothing you've ever felt before. Your food has lost all taste, your favourite shows no longer make you laugh, your favourite teddy to cuddle isn't as soft, and your bed feels twice as large without them next to you. I like to miss people because if I didn't, then I wouldn't love them that much, now would I ?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Yes, oh yes, please !

This is for my boyfriend;

Drives with Kellie and Michael make for entertaining inside jokes.

Long term plans;

Them: What are your long term plans ?
Me: Define "long term."
Them: Okay, say the next five years.
Me: Well, in comparison with the rest of my life, 5 years isn't all that much. I mean, I'm going to live 'til around 80. 5 years sounds awfully short, in my opinion.
Them: Well, what are your short term plans ?
Me: I have no idea, hey. I don't even know what I'm doing for the rest of my life, let alone the next hour.

I hate when conversations end up like this. I'm such an asshole sometimes.

I miss all of this;

We don't party like this anymore. And Ryan definitely sang the wrong lyrics, ha ! A bit of kitchen skank goes alright. The next party I throw will be like this.

This is by far the funniest moment of my life. Celeste and I are never this drunk anymore. I miss the nights we couldn't remember. I love her beyond comprehension.

This will never get old.

Day seventeen – How you hope your future will be like;

Sure, I'd like to get married and have kids one day, but I'm not going to set up my whole life on the principle that it might happen. I'd hate to spend years of my life preparing for something that never happens. Such a shame to waste precious time. When I'm ready for that sort of thing, I'll know. Until then, I'm content living my life the way I have been all along. All I've ever wanted in life is simple - I want to be happy and in love. That's all. I don't want to fuss over the little details. As long as I'm surrounded by the people who make me happiest and feel loved, then there's nothing more I need.

I guess it's also because I'm afraid to make long term commitments with someone. Probably because I'm afraid of ending up like my parents - in a loveless marriage that ended in divorce. My parents divorce was the best thing that ever happened, but in some way it crushed my belief that forever really does exist between two people. Then again, I'm not my mother and I won't make the same decisions she did. Who knows, maybe I'll find that forever kind of stuff and live out my perfect life. I guess I won't know until it happens. If it ever does.

Monday, November 15, 2010


Hot damn, I want this for summer. If only I had a spare $160 laying around the place. I need to save for Fiji first, maybe I can squeeze this into my wardrobe in time for our holiday, and then a billion tattoos. Jeepers !

Day sixteen – Your view on homosexuality;

Love is love, no matter if you're gay, bi, or straight. It doesn't change how you feel about someone. In my eyes humans are all equal. Homophobia makes me sick to the stomach and I support same sex marriage 100%. Got a problem with it ? Then don't marry the same sex. Who the hell are you to tell them how to feel ?

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Every time I see the previews for this movie on tv, I get so excited I can't sit still. Michael's already pre-ordered our tickets for the Saturday it comes out. I love him for all the little things he does.


I know that I had sworn I'd never trust 
anyone again but I didn't have to
You had me at hello 

Day fifteen – Something you don’t leave the house without;

  • My rose bag
  • Umbrella
  • Deoderant
  • Wallet
  • Book I'm currently reading [A Clockwork Orange]
  • Mobile phone
  • Glasses
  • Keys
  • iPod
  • Piercing after care bag with the following inside:
    • Bepanthen
    • Savlon
    • Prescription ointment
    • Paw paw ointment
It's a lot for a daily basis but I need it. If I leave just one of those items at home, I'm screwed for the rest of the day.

 P.S: It's astonishing how you can listen to a song for the first time in years and remember all the words. I love moments like that. Being unemployed has opened my eyes. I can remember all the little things about life that make it phenomenal.

Watching the stars at night, there's nothing that I'd rather do
The moon is the only light, that I can use to look at you
So let's make this memory last, of this night that we've come to claim ours
I promise I'll never forget, such a perfect night under the stars
The air is warm with comfort, the air is warm with taste
There's nothing we have to look out for, so let's make the most of this place
I promise you...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Dreams are only dreams, right ?;

Until you start looking up their meanings and begin wondering if it's real.

Last night I had a dream, about something I'm not entirely comfortable with, and that's why I wanted to look it up. I dreamt that I participated in some wedding competition, where I was the envy of all the girls because my wedding ensemble was better than everyone's, and at the end I won this competition.

So I looked up each little thing meaning to my dream:
White Clothes. 
To dream that all your clothes in the closet are white, suggests that you need to lighten up. You may have recently been feeling a little on the depressed side. Perhaps you were going through some crisis. It is time to move on. You need to change your attitude and get a grip of your inner emotions.

To dream that you win a competition, suggests that you possess the necessary skills to accomplish a goal or solve a problem in your waking life.

To dream of a marriage, signifies commitment, harmony or transitions. You are undergoing an important developmental phase in your life. The dream may also represent the unification of formerly separate or opposite aspects of yourself. In particular, it is the union of masculine or feminine aspects of yourself. Consider the qualities and characteristics of the person that you are marrying. These are the qualities that you need to look at incorporating within yourself.

To dream that you are being envied by others, indicates that you think highly of yourself. You demand respect and get it. You may also be feeling as if you are on top.

I'm so glad that the literal meaning of this dream isn't what it actually means. The last thing I want to do is dream about marrying someone and then have it come true. Not at this point in my life anyway. I guess my dream told me what I've known about myself for some time.

I need to stop moping around and get off my butt. I now have the opportunity to do what I've always wanted to do - nursing. I can actually take the very first step towards my career. Right. Now. And I know I can do it, I know I have the skills and determination to complete what I need to do so I can go where I want.

Right ! Tuesday come, I'm going to do everything I need to start my nursing course, and I'm going to complete it, and I'm going to come out on top, and I'm going to become the very best I can be. First thing's first - I need to stop being so afraid of failure and just do it.*

*Even writing about what I'm going to do scares me enough not to want it anymore. Waaaah. I need to grow up. Jeepers !

Friday, November 12, 2010

Day fourteen - A TV show you’re currently addicted to;

First and foremost, I hardly watch tv. I'd rather download anime and watch that instead. I've been watching anime since I was 16ish. Prior to that my attention was solely on gaming; Pokemon and Need For Speed Underground, to be specific. Hello, my name's Bianca, and I'm a huge g33k. Most of the anime I've seen has actually finished, which leaves me with two of the most popular anime series -
Naruto [both original and Shippuuden].

In saying that, I do, on the off chance, actually watch tv. There's one particular show I absolutely loveloveloveLOVE ! Beauty & The Geeks. I have a favourite beauty and geek, though they're not partners in the show.
This is Daniel pre-make over.
Say hello to the sex bomb that dropped in after his make over.
Yuh, you can probably tell why he's my favourite. That leather jacket looks mighty fine on him ;)

During the most recent episode, the geeks underwent a make over and then were auctioned off to single ladies for a date. Tamika was running the bidding on her partner - Thomas - when following went down -
/single lady bids $100
Tamika: A hundred ! A hundred in the front ! Does anyone want to to double that to... $105 ?
/silence so sharp you could hear a pin drop.
Tamika: My brain was in it's own little world, and it tends to do that a lot.
I don't think I need to further explain why she's my favourite. That, and well she's obviously got curves to DIE for. Oh, and the way she talks. There's something quirky about her pronunciation of words that I find adorable.