Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I don't know if I've told you this before, but I have crazy messed up dreams. Usually, people die in them. I never actually see them when they die, and it's always in some extreme styled death, but I know when it happens. It's almost like I'm being held back from watching and preventing it in my dreams. Most of the time, it's people I don't know, so when I wake up I'm sort of shaken but okay. This morning was a first. This time, a best friend of mine died. Ryan to be specific. And this time, I woke up crying to myself. Quite possibly the most traumatic dream I've had yet.
I can't remember all the details, but I wrote down the gist of it while I was still half awake and crying. We were at some beach, I think Glenelg or somewhere close to my house, and there was a swimming competition going on. For some unknown reason, to compete, you had to hold onto a bunch of forms in your right hand, and a handful of money in the left, and then attempt to swim. There was a massive crowd there because the prize money for first place was $16 million. Ryan, and a few random people who I claimed as my friends, decided we would compete and win that money. I don't know how, but Ryan came up with this plan for us to cheat so we could win the money, but then donate $2 million to each charity of our choosing. Most of us agreed that we'd do it, because, after all, we were giving it back to the needy. Although, Ryan was lying to everyone and convinced us to cheat so he could take the $16 million and run. When the others caught whiff of his plan, they confronted me to talk to Ryan. I refused so they went to him directly, to which he denied. The competition started, and everyone was in the race except me for some weird reason. When the race was over, our team was declared the winners and we took back the prize money to our secret hideout [I don't know why we had one but whatever]. When we got there, the others asked Ryan were the money was, and he said he didn't know but he'd look anyway. Turns out he hid the money in the boot of a car, then attempted to run everyone over when we found him trying to run away. Somehow, they managed to dodge the car, stop him from leaving and then catch him. He was taken to this main stage where everyone found out what he'd done. I was already in tears after Ryan tried to mow everyone down, so this was pushing it too far. I ran up on the stage to try and save him, but he didn't want to leave. Turns out, they had attached a bomb to his waist as the desired method of punishment. It was at that moment that I realised they were going to blow him up as revenge for stealing $16 million. He just sat down in a chair and cried. I hugged him goodbye and then he told me to run as far away as I could, so I did. I pushed hard against people racing to watch his death, and when I got too far away, I realised I never got to tell him that I loved him because he's my best friend. I went to turn around and run back, but they had masked the stage with a massive curtain. I knew it was too late but I ran anyway, only for the bomb to explode before I got there. I could see body parts and blood in the air, and I fell to the ground crying. That's when I woke up.
I was immediately in shock, and then realised what I had dreamt and continued to cry. It all felt so real; all of my dreams do. And it's dreams like these that make me afraid of falling asleep. I know it's only a dream, I know it's all in my head, but when it feels so real you wake up feeling the same way, it's hard to let it go. I'm afraid of dreaming, even though I have some of the happiest dreams, too. I wish there was some way I could stop the bad dreams from happening, because I don't want to lose the good ones as well. And really, a world without dreams, good or bad, isn't much of a world.