they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


For the first time in all my life, I'm behind on paying my bills. I've now reached a point where I'm broke. Quite literally this time. I am not being a sook. I had to pay my phone bill today, which left me with $10. My internet rolls over today/tonight, which means the bill will be due soon. I need $70 to pay for that, which I don't have. The other week I had to borrow $60 off Mother to get my medication. There's probably nothing weaker than borrowing money from my mother in my eyes. Actually, crying when people can see is the weakest thing, but this comes a close second. Even with the extra $70 I got from someone who owes me, I still end up with close to zero.
And I don't get my government payment until Tuesday. If I remember to do it on time, unlike previously.

If you know me well, you'd know I hate the concept of borrowing money from other people. I'm okay to lend it out to others, but as for me, I'd rather nail my foot to the ceiling. I don't like showing my weaknesses, to anyone. Even admitting it to myself makes me want to cry, which would be okay since I'm currently home alone. It's actually not okay, I shouldn't be so stressed about it, but whatever. I can cry as much as I want, so long as I don't start harming myself.

On the bright side - I guess no money means a whole lot of Super Mario nights for a while. I'm okay with that. Also, I handed out 18 resumes today, and applied for 10 jobs online yesterday. Fingers crossed I hear back from at least one very soon. Tomorrow there will be more. And I'll continue until either a) I get a job; or b) I run out of places to apply. I hope it's the prior rather than the latter.

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