they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Friday, February 25, 2011

Let's Clarify Something Here;

Say you once were in a relationship with Mr A, and you were madly in love with him but things didn't work out. You took the break up pretty hard and tried everything you could to get Mr A back. Unfortunately, he's already moved on and you're left feeling empty.

Along comes Mr B, who doesn't really interest you all that much but, hey, he's paying you attention so why not. You start hanging out with Mr B only to eventually realise you kind of like him more than just friends. And so, you and Mr B start a relationship. Soon enough, after what most people would say is "too soon," you drop the I Love You statement, and he says it back. You go on telling yourself that you love him, that he's the one for you, all the while deep down inside, something's amiss.

You're still in love with Mr A.

You tell yourself there's no harm in that. They're just feelings, and as long as you don't act on them, you're okay. Yet, every time Mr A comes back into your life, either by saying hello, or by being at the same event as you, your heart can't help but skip a beat. You know you're still in love with him, and you're not ashamed of it. You know he's the one you'll never get over, the one you believe can make you the happiest. He's the one you compare everyone to, the one you question why he doesn't love you. He's the one you believed to be love at first sight. You go ahead and tell Mr A how you feel and hope that he feels the same way. Mr A already has a new girlfriend, and she's not anything like you. You get jealous, throw a tantrum and swear you'll never talk to him again.

Question: You forgot you're still in a relationship with Mr B, didn't you ?

This is what I like to call emotional cheating.
This occurs more often that you think. In fact, I know of two girls currently in this phase. It's wrong on so many levels. You're probably going to tell me that I'm stupid and it doesn't count as cheating because nothing physical happened, and you were shut down. Mr A never acted on it, and he tried to make it stop.


That still doesn't make what you're doing okay. In fact, in my opinion, I think emotional cheating is probably worse than physically cheating on someone. See, physical cheating takes two people. You have to engage in a sexual act with another person. Emotional cheating is purely one-sided. To be more specific, emotional cheating only happens because YOU'RE DOING IT. Mr A wants nothing to do with getting back together, but you still won't let those feelings go. You're still in love with Mr A all the while telling Mr B that he's the only one. Bull-fucking-shit.

The two girls I know who are currently in this phase will deny it until the end of time. Fact is, they're lying to everyone and they know it. The worst part of all is that they don't feel horrible for the way they feel.

"He's my first true love and you never stop loving them."

Oh really ? Is that the best excuse you can come up with ? Then why the hell are you in another relationship, telling someone else that you're in love with them ? How the fuck can you justify your actions ?! You can't. And let me tell you something - not everyone remains in love with their first true love. I most certainly am not, and I know countless other people who aren't either. Brushing it off as some old romantic flame is not okay. You know that if Mr B was doing the same behind your back, you'd feel used, betrayed, lied to, and hurt beyond comprehension. Because you believe Mr B truly loves you.

There is no social standard that would allow for this. The basis of a relationship lay on important factors - commitment, loyalty, trust, and honesty. If you lack the ability to be honest, then the other factors fall to pieces. How can you say you're committed when you're emotionally tied to someone else ? How can you say your loyal when you're chasing someone else ? How can you say you're trustworthy when you're hiding this from your partner ? How can you say you're honest when you're lying about who you're in love with ? I just don't understand how a fucked up situation like this can seem normal to you.

Let me propose a situation to prove that this is completely wrong - Go ahead and tell Mr B that you're still in love with Mr A. Do it. See how Mr B reacts. Tell me, do you think he'd take it well ? No, he wouldn't. He'd get angry and break up with you. I told you it's wrong. If the emotions you have for Mr A are not acceptable, then why keep doing it ?

"He's my first true love and you never stop loving them."

You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. When Mr B leaves you because he knows something's up, don't try the sympathy act. It will get you nowhere. Mr A will certainly not give a shit about how alone and empty you feel. Remember, he's got a new girlfriend that's nothing like you. Mr A has no reason to take you back because he doesn't love you. Mr A is committed, loyal, trustworthy and honest with his girlfriend. Qualities you know you want in a relationship, but can't offer. You're pathetic.

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