they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

These are a few of my favourite things;

  1. Food - Japanese. I love sushi and ramen.
  2. Color - Red and purple.
  3. Animal - Giraffes and owls [despite the fact that I loathe birds].
  4. Sports Team - No thank you.
  5. Dessert - Apple crumble with ice cream.
  6. Artist/Singer/Band - Angus & Julia Stone. Underoath.
  7. Pair of Shoes - I'd have to say my Nike Air Force ones. Comfy as fuck.
  8. Outfit - Cute shirt, belt, high waisted denim shorts, tights, cute flats and a bandanna, orrrr, a cute dress with tights and flats/heels depending on the occasion. PLUS my fake leather jacket that goes with everything.
  9. Skinny Jeans - My ripped and faded Sass & Bide jeans that are practically falling to pieces or my grey washout Billabong ones that are skin tight.
  10. Brand - Sass & Bide, Rubi shoes, Equip/Diva accessories, TIGI Bed Head hair products, Lee jeans, Bardot, Dotti, Sportsgirl everything. Le Specs sunnies.
  11. Perfume - Britney Spears or Chanel.
  12. Accessory - Bandanna or sunnies.
  13. City - I love Adelaide, but I'm keen on Tokyo, Vancouver and Suva. 
  14. Hobby - Writing, reading and making clothes.
  15. Beauty Product - Avon cashmere tinted moisteriser in medium. Any black liquid eyeliner. Australis lip sticks. Avon Juicy Gloss in Sweet Fig. Aaaaany whitening tooth paste that actually works, and a good floss.
  16. Snack - I love the Seedy Sunday dates Michael and I have almost every weekend that consists of Boost Juice and sushi.
  17. Holiday - I lovelovelove Christmas.
  18. Movie - Shawshank Redemption. Pursuit of Happiness. All Pirates of the Caribbean. All Harry Potters. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Howl's Moving Castle. Milo and Otis. Hook. Beauty and the Beast.
  19. Song - Mango Tree - Angus & Julia Stone. Well, pretty much anything by them. And I Dreamt of You - Underoath + Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape - Underoath.
  20. Guilty Pleasure - Corny romantic stuff like weekends away in a hotel room with the boyfriend for no reason at all. And spoiling people. I like buying surprises for people when they least expect it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I can feel your heart beat like it's my own;

There's always that moment where you look into someone's eyes and see something you never saw before. You feel differently about them, like you've been granted an all access pass to their soul. You greet them at their weakest with a gaze full of security. It's one of the greatest moments in any person's life. One that you'll never forget, and that changes things without the breath of a single word.

In a gaze that feels like an eternity, you can feel closer to them than ever before. Whilst peering into their soul, you open up yours in return. You allow the moment to become as innocent and vulnerable as possible. There are no secrets, no hidden messages, nothing out of reach. Everything is as real as it appears, yet it feels surreal. You're exposed to each other, patiently waiting for the other to make the first move.

Your heart races, your throat gets dry, you tummy does backflips and you can't think of a single thing to say. Your lip quivers in anticipation of what's to come. Your mind darts all over the place, settles on the most positive possibility, and then twists your thoughts into the complete opposite, rendering you too afraid to move. You can't even blink in fear of losing this magical connection established by accident.

Then you start to question whether you're the only one feeling this way. You doubt that they feel the same in return and almost give up and look away. But there's something in their eyes that tells you you're wrong. It's almost like their soul is screaming out to you, ushering you on. You pucker up the courage, clear your throat and move that fraction closer. Your body won't let you move further but it feels like you just ran a mile to be closer. You can almost hear their heart beat just as rapidly as yours.

Your eyes, your face, your body urges them to do the same. You can smell them, almost taste them, feel their breath on your skin. Your heart feels like it's going to escape through your chest, and there's a tight knot in your throat making it almost impossible to breathe. None of that matters, you don't care how much pain your body is putting you through. All you want is this moment, in all its perfect glory. Nothing is going to ruin it.

And then it hits you. All of this warmth spreads to every inch of your body. You can feel your toes tingle, the hair on your neck stands on ends, and it feels like you just took your first breath of air. Everything in the world around you ceases to exist, and all you can concentrate on is a bubble encasing the two of you. The passion built up inside comes flowing out like a damn that's burst. You can't control yourself and you give in into the most exhilarating and satisfying temptation of your life. You don't want it to end.

You willingly break apart, only just a fraction, afraid your lips may catch on fire from the moment you just survived. You breathe heavily, like you've spent the whole time suffocating on your own fear. Every muscle in your body relaxes, your knees feel like they'll give way any moment now, and your hearts beat in rhythm together. You know you're in the same wonderful place as each other. Your soul dances in joy for the risk it took and the unmatched reward you received. A leap of faith landed you in blissful paradise.

This moment only lasts a few seconds yet feels like time stood still for a lifetime. You began as strangers and leave as if you were intimate lovers. What a powerful moment to experience. What a loving memory to hold onto. The first kiss.

Friday, March 25, 2011

No one remembers the nights they got a good sleep;

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday !

Fuck, I really hate that song and her nasal congested voice. She sounds like Fran Fine's horrid love child from a shameful afair she had back in the day. But enough of that, I'm sure you've seen all you need of her for a life time.

Tonight's a great night. And yes, it's Friday. And yes, I'm having fun. But tonight is extra special because nights like these don't happen often. Nights you spend doing something that seems so simple and mundane, but somehow turns into a night of one liners and moments you won't forget any time soon. A lame game of monopoly turned into an extended game of tactics and stragey between the two players who didn't want to play in the first fucking place. Those players being Adam and myself. It also involved two shots of cheap and nasty white wine. Ugh, I hate white wine.

Tomorrow, we're off to Mount Compass for a night of birthday celebrations for a friend. Rather excited actually. Should make for some interesting photos, aha. Fingers fucking crossed that I'm not the only girl either. Fingers double crossed for the extra vagina to be ones that I know. How troublesome it'd be if I were the sole vagina amongst a sausage fest of testosterone.

Way too tired for this shit. Going to bed. Catch me some peaceful zzzs.

P.S: I wrote this post on my phone so we'll see how it turns out.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

God Hates Us All;

"Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy and 24 hour a day access to kiddie porn. People... they don't write anymore, they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English."

Blind Pilot- 3 Rounds and a Sound

Argyle Johansen - Sunny Day In Hell

Friends For Done To Death & Tommy Stinson - You Can't Always Get What You Want

Jimmy Lafave - Not Dark Yet

Sleepy Sun - Lord

Damhnait Doyle - I Want You To Want Me

"There's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn't looking for it, it wasn't on the make, it was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another, next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there's this feeling in my gut she might be the one. She's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic with a great deal of maintenance required, she is you, Karen."

You know what I love ?;

That you fuck up sometimes. You make mistakes. I'm okay with that. Because at least you're honest, real honest.

I love that you're not perfect, because perfect would be boring.

Monday, March 21, 2011

You're the One that I want;

Oooh, oooh, oooh, honey.

But seriously, what makes you decide you've found the One ? I don't mean that whole the-One-to-spend-the-rest-of-your-life-with kind of One, I just mean the One that works for you right now.

Jeez fucking Christ, I talk about relationships more than the average person. Of course, unless you're a relationship counselor or something along those lines. No wonder people always ask me for my opinion on their relationship status, I'm up to my fucking knees in "wise words."

Whatever. What I really want to know is, at what point between fucking and friendship do you realise that the person you're intimate with is the one for now ? Hell, even the One for life ? I mean, shit, when does it click ? Does some internal switch flick over to go mode and that's that ? Or is there something deeper ? And is it all the same for everyone ? Surely we're not that connected to every other person in this world. Or are we ?

They say love and sex and all that physical connection is universal. It means the same thing, regardless of age, gender, race or religion. Any form of discrimination is eliminated when it comes to love. It's like music, no matter where you are on this godforsaken planet, it's all the same. It makes people happy and bashful, it makes them evil and bitter, but it's always the same no matter who you are, or were, or are trying to become. People experience emotions differently, except for love. It's unique yet conformed.

Is that what makes us feel the need to change desire into satisfaction ? I guess there is a point in every person's sexual moments that they wake up to the pure satisfaction someone brings into their life. It's no longer about the desire to have sex with another [though it's key to every successful relationship - never forget that], it's about the satisfaction you get when you turn hours of time into moments of memory. You can look back on those moments and smile until your cheeks ache.

For me, it's the moment where I find myself lacking desire to do anything without that person. I sit there thinking about how everything would be a billion times better if they were there to share it with me. That kind of sappy shit. I'm not easy to win over either. Quickly, that may be so, but I'm still no easy lass. I require a special kind of attention - the ear of a skilled listener, and the determination of a bright mind. Sex just doesn't cut it for me, and neither does missing a person. Fuck, I miss a lot of people, some of whom I've had sexual relations with, but that doesn't mean I consider them to be the One for now, or ever.

Michael is a separate case from the other boys. He makes me feel a way I've never felt before. Don't be a perverted fuck and think I'm all about sex. And don't be some casanova asshole and think I'm all about roses, silk sheet and candles, because I'm not. I've never even been in that situation, so suck on that. The thing that I love most about Michael is that I'm not afraid of letting him be close to me. I'm not shy around him. I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am when I'm around him, or anyone else for that matter. I can do something with Michael I could never do with anyone else. It's something simple, that most people can do without thinking about it. Wanna know ?

I can make direct eye contact with Michael, allowing him to invade my personal space, without the idea of immediately running away creep into my mind.

It's as simple as that. He didn't have to wine and dine me. He didn't have to serenade me with my favourite song and a bunch of roses. He didn't spoil me with jewelery, chocolates or any other typical romance stuff. He didn't even need to use a pick up line, though he did, which made me giggle hysterically. I love that corny shit, but seriously. He didn't have to do anything except earn my trust. Earn it on a level that no one else has ever before.

And really, if you can't trust your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/partner/whatever-the-fuck-you-call-them, then what kind of relationship do you have ? I don't understand how someone can allow another into their sacred space and not trust them with everything. You can go ahead and scream to the world all the deep dark secrets you have, no one will give a shit, but if you don't take your time and sleep with whoever gets naked in front of you, what more have you got than just sexual desire ? There's no satisfaction at all. People frown upon your actions, call you a hussy, and then no one takes you seriously. Your partner needs to be someone more than just the person to bring on orgasms - they need to be your best friend. How the fuck you can call someone your best friend without the ability to trust them with every part of you is beyond me. I don't know how people do that shit. Fucking pathetic excuse of a human being, if you ask me. Which you're not, but you got my opinion anyway.

For every one of us out there, there's a trigger that changes the way we think and feel about another. Whether you're one for traditional romance, or one for someone who makes you feel sexy about your body, whatever the fuck makes you want to be with someone, it's programed into our minds. We know what we like when we see it. And if some half wit guy/girl isn't setting that trigger off, you need to move on with your life. There's no time like time wasted. You'll never get those moments back, and you'll spend a long time dealing with that emotional baggage.

Fuck the people who only make you feel as good as you think you should be. The one you want is someone who makes you feel greater than you ever imagined yourself to be. A person who makes you a better human being.

Or you know, settle for what's less than you deserve. You're choice. You're life.

P.S: If you couldn't tell, trust is a big deal for me.

Sunday, March 20, 2011


I want to live here
With a library/office like this

I really do need to give up on something I sort of want. Something inside my head shifted around and I started thinking differently about a prospect in my life. It's never going to happen and I need to let go. I'm not even sure I want it - like 100% sure that I really do want it. Fuck it, the mind bullshit stops here.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Douche bag, Asshole, Scum Bag, Jerk Off;

Let's have a toast for the douche bags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off

What a Silly Idea That Was;

For about a month, I thought about selling my soul to the devil and exporting my blog to Tumblr. Don't attack me with your axes and pitchforks just yet. I thought the idea was appropriate since I wanted more followers, like the self absorbed writing fucktard that I am, but after watching the YouTube vid of Blogger's expected changes, I'm staying right here. These changes are going to be insane. Muuuuuuuuuch much better than what Tumblr can offer me. And besides, I like to write and read, not look at the same fucking picture reposted from some twat who thinks it's artistic. Tumblr is for those who post 90% images and 10% written. It makes me so fucking angry. On top of that, I'd probably have to follow 100 people to get 100 followers because that's how it works on that soulless devil site. "Follow me and I'll follow you ;D" is everywhere. FUCK YOU ! If you're not a good writer, stay off blogging sites. End of.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Kids on the Run;

And no we will never be a part of the pictures once taken
When we're feeding fire with the flames 'til no memories gone
And the cold sky will write us a song
But will we ever confess what we've done?
Guess we're still kids on the run

Tube of You;

Here's an expected surprise - I made another late vlog. I'm so incredibly lazy with it. It takes a billion times more effort to plan what I'm going to say, edit, save and then convert to upload to YouTube than it does writing. This is why I can't be bothered and probably will only make a vlog every month or so. Maybe every two weeks, seeing as I only remember that I forgot to make one the week after I was meant to. What-fucking-ever.

Oh, and I thought I should clarify what kind of writer I'd like to become. And no, not just "a good one." I want to become a realistic writer. Not a journalist or a PR manager, or anything to do with marketing, or whatever shit "writers" exists. I want to write about what life essential is to all of us, and make it powerful. I want to blow minds away with the shit I write. I want it to mean something personal to some random person out in the world. Most of all, I want people to read my stuff and think to themselves, "That's totally written about me. I am the story."

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Get the Fuck Over Yourself;

I am so sick of hearing this whole "Men vs Women" bullshit and how one gender has it worse than the other. SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP. Men and women are equally messed up in their own ways. Neither has it tougher than the other, and if you think you do, then you're a narcissistic whore.

Let's get one thing straight - both genders play the other for fools, and both genders sleep around needlessly and therefore are whores/sluts/whatever you want to name them - hussy, is my preferred term. Or tramp. The thing is, you're both as bad as each other. There are guys who sleep around, getting props for being a "rite pimp," and then there are girls who sleep around, getting shit for being a "true slapper." See, you're equal on that front, except for some unknown yet socially acceptable reason, guys get away with it and girls don't. Either way, you fuck each other over - both figuratively and literally.

I'll say this for both sides - we don't like it when our partner brags on about another person's body. If you have a girlfriend and you talk about how "bangin'" that random girl you saw at the shops was, expect to be dumped. If you have a boyfriend and you talk about how "packin'" that random guy you saw the beach was, expect to be dumped. Neither gender enjoys it when the other uses jealousy tactics. It's bullshit and needs to stop. Making your partner jealous will only further confirm their insecurities.

Don't play that "nice guy/girl" card on your best friend who constantly ends up being trampled on by the hot slut. Do you know why the "nice guy/girl" card fails on every turn ? BECAUSE YOU SIT THERE EXPECTING SYMPATHY FOR BEING A GOOD PERSON ! Fuck you. You want me ? Come and get me. Don't expect me to one day realise how fucking amazing you are and then decide you're the One for me. What a bullshit way to go about things. You're left on your own because you're too "nice" to make a move therefore rendering all future possibilities pointless. Oh, you're a "nice guy/girl" who's constantly there to support me, to be the shoulder I cry on, the person who holds all my secrets, the person I can be my complete self around ? That's sweet, but unless you show me some determination and strength, you're always going to remain the "nice guy/girl." Grow a spine and fess up how you really feel, or sit back and suck it up.

Nude photos, or at least sexually suggestive photos, ON BOTH SIDES is just as trashy and strips you of majority of your self respect. Do you have any idea what kind of message that's sending anyone who sees those photos ? A) You're easy. If you can strip for a camera, then stripping for me won't be a problem; and B) You think the only way people will pay you attention is if you're half naked. Wow, you mustn't have a lot of self esteem if you're lowering yourself to half naked photos of yourself. The reason why the opposite gender screws you over is because you subliminally tell them it's okay. If you want the opposite gender to respect you, then you first have to respect yourself. Your body is a temple, and if you let anyone walk through it, you're going to be left with foot prints everywhere. Clean yourself up.

Period pain and getting kicked in the balls are two separate kinds of pain. I cannot stress that enough. Period pain is not standard for every girl, so stop using that as your excuse for being a rude bitch. Getting kicked in the balls is the most painful thing every guy endures. Not every girl has acute period pain that causes them to shrivel up. Shut up, you pussy. You sound like a complete moron when you say things like, "Yeah, well imagine getting kicked in the balls several times over a week every month." Ohyeah, because period pain hurts so bad you can't breathe, you're about to cry, and everything hurts so bad you wish you could die because at least the pain would stop. No, no you fucking idiot girl. Shut up.

Just because women give birth does not automatically make us the fairer sex. How fucking stupid can you be ? Really. I shouldn't have to explain how stupid the idea is, and if you don't understand why - go kill yourself now.

Guys, what is seriously up with wearing your pants so low ? I don't see how showing off your boxers is attractive. I don't see how making it appear as if you've got the saggiest butt in the world is attractive either. It almost looks like you're wearing a diaper and can't pull your pants up because there's too much going on below. It doesn't make your "package" look better either. In fact, to make it look better, you should wear the tightest pants you can find to draw as much attention to it as possible. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Girls, why squish your boobs so tightly together that it almost looks like you're choking on them, or they're going to burst ? Guys like boobs, this is true, but you don't have to have them hanging out for everyone to see. Hey, there's nothing wrong if your boyfriend is a boob man, but be prepared - if he likes you just because you've got mountains on your chest, he's probably staring at every other girl with their mountains peeking out their shirts.

Point being - both men and women are equals. We both suffer pain, though of varying sorts, and we both act like total whores. Every person has their faults, and just because one person from either gender complains about how tough shit is, it doesn't mean it's always true. And in all seriousness, unless you've been the opposite gender before, and have experienced all that goes with that gender, you don't understand a single fucking thing.

Sunday, March 13, 2011


Oshawott :3
I recently bought Pokemon Black for my Nintendo DSiXL. I've been playing it almost every chance I've had over the past three days. Picking your starter Pokemon is always the hardest decision, even though tradition states fire is always the best choice, so I was torn to begin with.
I love grass Pokemon the most, so Snivy should have been my first choice except it looks like the snobbiest Pokemon I've ever seen. It's not cute like Chikorita was, or awesome looking like Bulbasaur.
Fire is usually the way to go, since previous games have had a grass gym leader as the first [fire is super effective against grass, for those who don't know], but I generally don't like fire type considering they're super effective against my favourite. Biased, I know. Whatever. The first gym leader is an interesting fight, and I can't tell you the reason why or Michael will get pissed because I spoiled it for him.
Then there was Oshawott. Look at him, he's so cute ! So I picked him, even though I hate water Pokemon like there's no tomorrow. You can blame Misty from the first series for that. I hate her.

Why I'm explaining this to you, I do not know. Point being, I picked Oshawott because it's cute, and I like cute things. Now you know why I haven't posted anything in a while, and why I probably won't frequently post unless something amazing happens that's not Pokemon related.

Oh, and do you know why I love Pokemon that little bit more ? Because it's a Nintendo product. SUCK ON THAT, SONY !
I like xbox, and it's hard not to like it since it's Microsoft, the online gaming community is bigger, and the FPS games [First Person Shooter] are better on xbox.

If you still have no idea what I'm talking about by the time you reach this sentence, check out Pokemon Black & White (:

P.S: I got a $201 phone bill the other day. I was the epitome of rage when I found out. At the worst of times too. I have Future Music Festival tomorrow, and then work placement for two weeks - the first week of which I will have no money thanks to that fucking shithouse phone bill. Pokemon makes everything better though. And it's even sweeter now that Michael's playing Blue on his Game Boy (: That is until he buys a Nintendo DS and the new Pokemon.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I wrote this really long post, that was really "deep and meaningful," then I deleted the whole thing and am stuck writing this bullshit instead. What the hell is happening to me ? Why the fuck can't I write ? I can't write a single thing anymore unless I force it out. Painfully force it out. This is bullshit.

The only interesting thing that's happening right now, is my kitty running around in a loop. My old room > down the hallway > mother's room [bitch never shuts her door] > back to where he started again. Almost sounds like he's trying to catch a mouse, and you'd almost believe so EXCEPT THERE'S NO FUCKING MOUSE ! Asshole kitty is sleeping locked away in the study tonight. That'll teach him. Assholeassholeasshole.

Also, a few thoughts from my past week or so:

  1. The dero girl [dero means scum for those who don't know] in my Aged Care course recently said, and I quote, "I dropped out of high school in year 8 and thought I'd get pregnant instead." I am so glad I posted that to FB first, because I sure as hell couldn't remember that quote clearly.
  2. I hate it when religious people say I have a "lack of faith" because I don't believe in a God (or Gods, considering whichever religion you believe in). I don't "lack" faith, I just place it elsewhere. Instead of a God, I place my faith in humanity and the world I live in. I respect your beliefs, you should respect mine.
  3. That same dero girl gave an interesting reason as to why her police clearance is yet to arrive. In fact, she boasted about the fact that she had been charged with theft and assault, and sent to juvenile detention. But hey, "We all make mistakes, don't we?" which then ended with a somewhat thrilled giggle from her that almost sounded like she was excited about her past. Fuh-reak.
  4. I start my work experience on Tuesday. Two weeks of compulsory unpaid employment. Psyched on life !
    Naaaahhhht !
    Also happens to be the day after the biggest dance music festival to hit Adelaide this year - Future Music. I am so fucked already. On the plus side, at least I'll have something to talk about. 
  5. I think I'm getting sick. Mother had the flu, Michael has a head cold, and I've got a sore throat with a chesty cough. If I get sick while on work experience, all hell will break lose. Not even kidding. I can't do my work experience if I'm sick because I'll infect residents. And I neeeeeeeeeeed it to go well so I'm offered a job and can move out with Michael.
  6. Sixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsixsix.
  7. I need sleep.
  8. Fin.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Love at First Beat;

Angus & Julia Stone dress ♥
I checked my emails for the first time in probably a few months and I noticed there was one from the Angus & Julia Stone crew. Their online shop is now open and you can see all their new stuff HERE (: The above dress is available [only in a L size, but shush, I'm still going to buy it] for only $30 ! Not only is it A&J Stone, therefore I must have it, but it's also incredibly cheap. Muuuuuuch cheaper than shithouse retail stores that'll charge me $50 for a dress of lower quality. And I know A&J Stone products are of excellent quality as I receive a free Lady of the Sunshine t-shirt when I joined the street team.

Oh happy days ! This made Monday rather excellent. Hey Michael, looking for something to surprise me with ? THIS WOULD BE IT !

Friday, March 4, 2011


Do you know what I'm afraid of ?

I'm afraid that I'll believe I'm happy because nothing changes. Because I'm stuck in routine. Because I'm always doing the same thing. Over and over. Again and again. I'm terribly afraid that the sole reason for my happiness is the routine. Knowing that nothing will differ, no variations, no spontaneous moments in life. Nothing. It'll happen because it always happens. Because nothing changes.

As much as I'll announce my hate for change, I secretly love it. It's how we experience life. It's how we feel connected to one another. It's how we grow and become greater than before. It is through change, adaptation and surpassing challenges do we go from ordinary people to super heroes in our own world. Change takes a weak person and makes them strong.

And really, I want more things to happen in my life than just this. This point in my life makes me happy, but I want to experience all kinds of happiness. I can't do that sitting here, doing what I've always done.

Jump. Take the fucking risk. Live.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Being Human;

Human beings are fucked up destructive creatures. It's far easier for us to negatively analyse ourselves than to compliment our positives. For every positive about myself, I could probably list 10 negatives. You could probably do the same about yourself. Don't deny it. The only type of person who loves themselves that much clearly has their head up their ass.

Tonight, a light bulb appeared over my head. I realised I'm not as fucked up as I thought. I mean, I'm still pretty messed up in the head, but it's not all bad. There's some good scattered in there... Somewhere. Obviously, or I wouldn't have a fantastic life. Now my head is up my ass.


Mother and I have an interesting way of arguing. Typically [and by typically, I mean every time] mother starts the argument. She'll call me, snap at every thing I say, tell me I'm not living up the words I've said, and then hang up on me. Always goes the same way. Usually I'd get home, give her the silent treatment and retreat into my room like the passive shithead I am. Not tonight. Tonight I just acted like the shit she had said to me didn't phase me. Honestly, it didn't really because she's always like that. And after 22 years of her shit, you get used to it. She apologised within the first 15 minutes [woo, new record time] and all was done with it.

I learnt something about myself from that. It's almost impossible for me to remain angry at someone/something for more than an hour. I just can't be fucked being angry. It's tiresome, and annoying, and makes me angry at myself for being like a bitchy bitch. If I reaaaaaaaaaaaaally wanted to be angry about something, then I'm sure I could do it. But there'd have to be some awesome gain from it or it's not worth my time.

Also, I've become somewhat unable to lie anymore. Surely I still could if I wanted to, but I don't. I don't see the point in lies. Why bother trying to remember what you said in case someone catches you out ? Besides, no one likes liars. The little lying assholes, they be. And you know what they say about honest people ---

Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly stupid. ~ Captain Jack Sparrow.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Hello dear, can I have your full name?
For the purpose of this, it's Bianca Rose Addams.

Type the alphabet and stop at the letter of the last person you kissed.

Would you consider your parents to be strict?
I would consider my mother the most relaxed parent in the world.

What was the last thing you wore that was black?
I'm currently wearing my Woah, Shut It Down! shirt.

Have you kissed anyone with the name starting with a J?
I have. Boring boys.

What happened a year ago in this month?
I don't remember. Who cares.

What’s the last thing that went into your mouth?
Food. I really wanted to write something dirty, but alas, nothing.

Can you be your complete self around the person you like?
Most certainly ! I wouldn't want it any other way.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
Coming up almost 2 years. BOOM.

If someone told you that you were a player, what would you say back?
I'd call them a liar, because that's what they are.

What if the last person you texted told you they had feelings for you?
I'd be seriously confused. Mel just wants a Future Music ticket.

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
Michael, or my mother.

Cried recently?
Nope. Maybe from giggling.

Do you find it weird that some people brush their teeth in the shower?
It's gross. I did it once and it made me want to vom.

Will you be in a relationship 1 month from right now?
Well, yes. I have the confidence in my relationship to say that.

Did you have a valentine for last Valentine’s Day?
I did (: I baked him a cake and made him a card.

Have you gotten close to anyone recently?
Uhm, not really. No one I can think of.

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
You know, I can't really honest that.

Finish this sentence… The last person I kissed…
is sitting right next to me (:

Name something you cannot wait for?
Soundwave, Future Music, work experience, new job, moving out of home.

Is the last person you hugged taller than you?
Yeah, I'm real short.

Miss anyone?
Sure do.

Who is your last text from?
Mel, about her ticket, like I told.

Do you tend to fall for players?

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
It's more of a love thing.

Do you have feelings for anyone?
It's more of a love thing.

Do you like to hold hands?
For sure. Michael and I always play with each other fingers.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
He's my boyfriend. If I can't tell him everything, then we wouldn't have a good trust bond.

Do you want to be single?
Not even in the slightest bit.

What are you currently listening to?
Michael yawning.

You totally yawned, didn't you ? CONTAGIOUS.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
I'd rather not. I'm sleepy and going to bed soon.

What were you doing at 12 am last night?
Sleeping on the futon with Michael.

What’s in your wallet?
Shit, shit, some money, shit.

What is bothering you right now?
Sleepy. The Cleavland Show doesn't make sense right now.

Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?
He means everything to me.

Who’s bed were you last in?
Michael's futon, not really a bed.

Where is the last person you kissed at this moment?
Hugging me.

Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with?
I'm talking to Michael right now, and I love him.

Got You Around My Finger Like a Lonely Lover's Charm;

Hank Moody inspires me. He does wicked things to my mind, and I love it. I realise Hank Moody is fictional, and you can laugh all you want, but it's what makes me want to write. There is just something about his fucked up life that awakens me. I don't even know if half the shit I post makes sense, and to be honest, I really don't give a fuck. It's relevant to me, and it makes sense to me. It's my fucking blog and I'll write whatever shit comes to mind.

I don't care if you hate the things I say. I don't care if you love it. All I care about is how what I say makes me feel. These are my thoughts, my words, my bare soul. Who the fuck are you to judge me ? You're just a set of eyes gazing over my page. You analyze what it looks like, how it sounds when say it out loud, how it makes you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel. Love it or hate it; I'm still going to write, and it'll be honest. Which more than what most can say about their blogs. Fuck a conscious mind. Free yourself from the restraints of what others think of you, and instantly the world looks differently. Live a life that makes you happy, because at the end of the day, you're the one who has to face the world in the morning.

None of this made sense. Fuck it.

Yes, I admit I find him attractive in all sense of the word.
Deal with it.