they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Being Human;

Human beings are fucked up destructive creatures. It's far easier for us to negatively analyse ourselves than to compliment our positives. For every positive about myself, I could probably list 10 negatives. You could probably do the same about yourself. Don't deny it. The only type of person who loves themselves that much clearly has their head up their ass.

Tonight, a light bulb appeared over my head. I realised I'm not as fucked up as I thought. I mean, I'm still pretty messed up in the head, but it's not all bad. There's some good scattered in there... Somewhere. Obviously, or I wouldn't have a fantastic life. Now my head is up my ass.

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Mother and I have an interesting way of arguing. Typically [and by typically, I mean every time] mother starts the argument. She'll call me, snap at every thing I say, tell me I'm not living up the words I've said, and then hang up on me. Always goes the same way. Usually I'd get home, give her the silent treatment and retreat into my room like the passive shithead I am. Not tonight. Tonight I just acted like the shit she had said to me didn't phase me. Honestly, it didn't really because she's always like that. And after 22 years of her shit, you get used to it. She apologised within the first 15 minutes [woo, new record time] and all was done with it.

I learnt something about myself from that. It's almost impossible for me to remain angry at someone/something for more than an hour. I just can't be fucked being angry. It's tiresome, and annoying, and makes me angry at myself for being like a bitchy bitch. If I reaaaaaaaaaaaaally wanted to be angry about something, then I'm sure I could do it. But there'd have to be some awesome gain from it or it's not worth my time.

Also, I've become somewhat unable to lie anymore. Surely I still could if I wanted to, but I don't. I don't see the point in lies. Why bother trying to remember what you said in case someone catches you out ? Besides, no one likes liars. The little lying assholes, they be. And you know what they say about honest people ---

Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly stupid. ~ Captain Jack Sparrow.

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