they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Monday, May 16, 2011

Do you ever get the feeling that somebody is watching you ?;

I do. A lot of the time it crosses my mind. Especially when I'm all alone, doing something I don't usually do in front of others. I always wonder how I look from someone else's eyes. Do I really look the same way I think I do ? Is my nose as crooked as I think it is ? Do they notice the imperfections on my skin ? Am I really as skinny as people say I am ? I wonder if they judge what I'm wearing. I wonder if they think little of me because I've begun to put less effort into looking perfect each day. I wonder what they think when I wear make up, and if they think I'm wearing too much.

I've always wondered what people think when they're talking to me. I wonder if they really like me as much as they appear to. I wonder if they're secretly thinking that I'm an idiot. Or even if they're giving me their real answers, and the ones they think to themselves they'd never tell me. I wonder if they've had this conversation with me before but are having it again because I've forgotten. I wonder what they really think about when I tell a joke and they laugh. I wonder what they say about me when I'm not around, and if that matches to what they say when I am around.

Most of the time I don't care. Most of the time. But that other little part of my time is spent over analysing everything.

In reality, I spend that little part of my time wondering what they think of my body piercings and tattoos. I've seen some disgusted faces appear on people when I tell them what I have and what they mean. I don't expect them to understand, and I'm not seeking approval, I just... I want people to know I don't have them because I'm some rebel without a cause. I have them because of their sentimental value, and that's something only I would truly understand. I'll explain another day. I'm too tired right now.

No comments:

Post a Comment