they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Monday, May 9, 2011

If there were awards for Epic Fail of the Year;

I would win it hands down.

Today, I was out doing some casual shopping for the house. The list contained - water ager; milk; bread; cat food; and bottled Coca-Cola, which then turned into 8 bottles [they were having a special, okay !]. I ended up buying a treat for myself [this month's Cosmo mag] and then a surprise for Michael, but he'll have to wait until Saturday to get it.

Straaaaaaaying off topiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic.

I got everything I needed, chucked it into a trolley since carrying it with my chicken wings is too much, and then made my way to the car. The cat food was the last thing I bought except.... When I got to the car, I realised I left the cat food on the counter at the shop. Why the girl didn't stop me is beyond me. Clearly her customer service skills are due for a tune up. Obviously I had to go back and get it.

...I was too busy updating all of Facebook about my stupidity in the pet shop to see that I then tried to walk down the escalator that actually goes up.

I got about mid-way before I noticed something was up. The lady in front of me, who was no doubt walking the right way, gave me the strangest look I've ever received. And so, on the topic of stupid things people have said/done/seen/whatever, I thought I'd show you other things that would win second prize in the Epic Fail of the Year award.

Google Search on my iPhone 4.
I love auto correct and predictive text. It makes for some quality reading, like this. I went to search, "Is it normal for your goldfish to hide under the pump?" but these other options, that Google [for one reason or another] thought were appropriate guesses at what I was thinking came up. And FYI - it's not normal. RIP Theodore and Eugene.

Words With Friends.
I used to think getting consonants only was a pain in the butt to play with. Nope, I was wrong. Clearly three I's, two E's, an A and an X was Words With Friends' idea of solving my consonants frustration. Don't worry, I swapped my letters and Sara still kicked my butt.

Catch of the Day - The Boyfriend Pillow.
"Never feel lonely again! Now, whenever you feel like going to bed and cuddling next to a perfectly masculine torso, you can! The boyfriend pillow doesn't go drinking with his mates when you want to spend time with him, he doesn't smell of smoke or alcohol, and he doesn't even snore! It provides a comforting arm the wraps you up to make you feel comfortable and safe, and it's designed to pad the natural contour of your body for more comfort. This snuggly pillow also comes with a pyjama top. Enjoy an embrace every night from a completely faithful boyfriend!"
Oh, because that's the kind of boyfriend I've always wanted ! Too bad he doesn't have a penis. She looks rather uncomfortable laying on the sofa like that. What a terrible boyfriend.

The Potty Fisher !
"For the fishermen who can't get enough of the sport or the water, enjoy some fishing while you're in the loo. It's fun and easy; try and catch one of the four fish in the included bowl (no, not the toilet bowl! Gross!). Comes with a "Do not disturb" sign so you can be left uninterrupted for your fishing fun!
  • Potty fisher
  • Toilet time fishing game
  • Enjoy some fishing while you're in the loo
  • Comes with a water themed mat, a fishing rod, a bowl for the water, four fish and a DO NOT DISTURB sign
  • Perfect gift for the avid fisherman"
Words cannot even begin to describe the kind of laughter I was making when I found this. Really, are men that desperate to go fishing, they'll do it while pooing ?! I like the way it says in brackets that you're not meant to use the toilet bowl for fishing; as if to imply previous males have used an actual toilet bowl in confusion. Then they mock those previous males by pointing out that it's gross. I'm still laughing at it now, and it's been days since I first found it. Holey moley.


Oh, and I'd like to have a trophy. Medals aren't as flashy.

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