How is it possible that the one thing I feel like is missing from all of this, isn't even what I actually want ?
You can see how this is slowly destroying me. I can't even write. Not even when I'm in the best mind frame. This is when I write the best, and I can't even do that. I'm slowly losing the desire to do anything, especially the things I love doing the most. It's not anxiety or depression.
I simply do not have the heart to do this anymore.
And it scares me.