they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Have faith in me;

You could lose faith in music,
or lose faith in your friends.
You could lose your faith in breathing,
feel trapped in your own skin.

Oh, but I'll be right there beside you,
when the walls are caving in.
Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
But, when I let you down,
look past your doubt.
Just please, please,
don't lose your faith in me.
Please don't lose your faith in me.

I think, if you gave up on me, I'd give up on me, too. I don't even know what's happening anymore. I'm waking up every morning, and doing what I always do. I just... I feel empty now that I feel like I don't have a plan anymore. I mean, I never have a serious plan but at least I had some sort of direction. I know where I want to end up, but I'm not sure how to get there. Not anymore.

I can't explain it. It's like, where I want to be doesn't want me to be there. And even when I can see myself there, I just see myself. I'm alone. I don't know who's there beside me. I don't know who's going to be there at the end of it. I feel like, somewhat, what I'm doing is only for myself now. I don't want that. I want to do it because it makes other people happy, too, proud even.

I just.
I just...
I just don't want to live my life only for myself. For my own happiness.
I want to make people happy. Make them proud of me. Make them happy because I'm apart of their life.
I want to have the same effect on those I love as they have on me.

I guess, what I'm really saying, is that I want to feel like I have a purpose beyond my own happiness.

Solitude does not do me good. What the fuck is happening to me ?!

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