they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Friday, October 14, 2011

I forget who I am, at the best of times. I forget that I'm strong. I forget that I'm courageous. I forget that I'm determined. I forget that I'm loved. I forget that I'm a fighter. All of the little things that make up who I am get lost in the stress I build around myself. For months now, I haven't been sleeping due to being too stressed. I grind my teeth, I toss and turn, I let thoughts race around my head at the wrong time; I lose myself in it. I am so much better than this, I know I am. Though, as much as I dislike having to admit it, I seem to be forgetting who I am.

I get snappy at people. I get angry for no reason. I feel like giving up when I know I really shouldn't. I feel like things are getting too tough, when they're not even close. I've sat at rock bottom before, and this is far from it. It's been a long time since I've been this stressed out, and I guess that's why I feel like it's more than it really is. Lately, I've been feeling like fighting for what I want isn't worth the effort. Complete and utter bullshit, I know, but still.

I'm just tired. Really fucking tired.

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