they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I'll tell you a secret;

For a very long time I forgot what it was like to feel at home. You know - that homey feeling you get when you're in the right place, at the right time, with all the right people. I forgot what that felt like.
It's actually not that much of a secret, but I don't tell everyone this. And I guess by posting this, it defeats the purpose but shut your mouth.

Everyone feels that at some point during their lives, and for the most of my life, I never really felt like I found home. I always felt like a visitor, like I was passing through, never staying for long. There was always something wrong with the situation, no matter how great the other aspects were. You can't find home with only 2/3 of your house. You need to be in the right place, physically, mentally and emotionally; you need to be there at the right time, always living in that moment before it passes; you need to be with the right people, who feed your happiness and make it grow stronger. You need all of it or it's a half assed place and it'll fall down. I know this because it used to happen to me a lot.

Not anymore. I think I've found it. No, I know I've found it. Everything about life right now makes me content. There are still areas of improvement, but as long as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know it's not over yet. All of me is here right now, physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm not obsessing about past mistakes, I'm not worried or terrified of the future, and I've started taking in appreciation for the beauty in every day. I have the most loving and supportive people in my life right now. Each and every one of them is there for me when I need them, even when I don't, and I couldn't be happier.

I like this feeling. I like being able to wake up in the morning with the knowledge that everything is okay, even if it's really not. If I happen to wake up on the wrong side of bed, at least I know I can always go home. I can go where I feel happiest and safest. All I need is to be in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. I'm lucky enough to know that I don't need to force that. Life just works out in my favour this time.

If this is home, then I want to stay here forever. I want to take this feeling with me wherever I go, whenever I go, with whoever.

Here's a real secret;
If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't feel this way. I'd tell you, but it's not the right time yet. It hasn't been the right time for years now. Soon, I promise. Soon.


  1. I love your blog, everything you write makes so much sense to me. Even this, unfortunately my life has spun the other way, but I know, like you, home turns up when you least expect it!
    N x

  2. Thank you ! I'm glad that someone out there understands what I mean, haha.