they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Journal;


It reads the following:

"His finger tips danced along my spine; my heart was the beat and my sighing breath the melody. It was almost as if he were chasing the feelings he was bringing to life. I wasn't ever sure if what I felt was real at all. No one had ever made those feelings known within the depths of my soul. It frightens me unlike any other fear I've ever encountered. I'm terribly afraid he'll make a home within my soul; a place only he knows of. And I'm afraid that one day that home will be too small for him. He'll want to leave, to find another home, a bigger home, with more sunshine and less stormy weather. A place that's not only his home, but a holiday destination where he can take a load off and relax. The idea that I could ever be that dwelling is frightening. The last thing I want is to disappoint him. If I'm going to become that special place, I want to be everything he ever wanted and more. I want to fulfill his every need and desire, but I also want to give him things he wouldn't have thought about previously. I want the sunshine to beam through his homey windows and I want it to show him things he has turned a blind eye to. He would never feel the need to holiday elsewhere. I would be his everything. And then, one day he'd leave without a trace. His bags would magically be packed over night, the dust marks visible from where things once were. I'll see where he used to lay, the place in which he fed, the glorious floor he would stand upon while in bare flesh, the place where all his dreams became animated after the sun bid farewell. I'd be shown the cruel emptiness that used to be so humbly overflowing with honesty, trust, lust, security, soul, dreams, but most of all - Love. Love would no longer live inside my soul. Love will have died, rusted, and eroded along with all the walls, floors and roof. Nothing would remain but an empty nothingness.

I'M SO TERRIBLY AFRAID TO LET SOMEONE BECOME MY EVERYTHING."

2 comments:

  1. I've given you a blog award :) I love your posts
    N x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, thank you very much ! What a lovely treat (:
    x

    ReplyDelete