they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Moving houses meant that I had to get new Internet connected, and as such I'm reliant on my iPhone to suffice for the next 4-14 days. All I want to do is post what's on my mind, but the iPhone app isn't really speed friendly keyboard-wise. So until then, I bid you good day.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Things I found while cleaning my room and packing my stuff;

  • Promo flyer for Out of Step after it just opened. They’re actually the best married couple I know, and the best parents. Their kids are amazing. They’re the only people I'll let pierce my body, and I highly recommend them to everyone.
  • My wisdom teeth that I thought I had lost. I found them in the bag I got from the dentist the day I had them removed. Food stuck under a flap of gum resulted in an infection, and $600 down the drain. The weekend after I had them removed was the first time I met Michael’s parents.
  • Whoa! Shut It Down was a band my best friend, Ryan, formed. They performed one gig, all of our friends showed up, we all bought the same t-shirt, and I have a face towel with the band name embroidered on it. Everyone came back to my house for the after party. Good day.

Tonight's the last night;

That I'll get to watch the sun set over the ocean while sitting on my couch. From my backyard, you can see where the sky meets the water. The family room in my house has floor to ceiling windows on 2 out of 4 walls, enabling me to see everything without freezing my butt off. I'm going to miss it, a lot. In summer, you can smell the beach in the air. It's the most fascinating thing. And when it rains over the ocean, you can see it - the water develops patches and darkens in odd shapes.

As of tomorrow, I won't have it anymore. On the plus side, I'll have my boyfriend around pretty much 24/7, and I like that :3

I can tell you one thing I'm not going to miss - walking up those damn stairs when I'm too drunk to carry myself on my own two feet. I don't think Michael will miss carrying me up them, either.

I'm going to miss my mum, too. I know we're not that kind of lovey dovey sort of mother and daughter combo, but ever since I snapped at her for treating me like shit, she's been rather nice. She's helped me out a lot with preparing to move out, and today she was really understanding and patient, which for my mother is really weird. When I leave, she'll be home all alone while injured. I don't like the idea that she'll get lonely or that no one will be there to look after her if the pain becomes unbearable. It makes me sad, and that's why up until recently, I put off leaving home.

It's time to fly the coop.

Gah !;

I don't know what I hate more: packing my life into boxes, or unpacking what's left over into my new house.
Someone do it for me !

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Oh, how I wish I could make wooden signs of this and nail them into people’s foreheads so every time they wake up and look in the mirror, they know they have to move the fuck on.

People who don’t know when to let go of others really piss me off. You had your chance and you fucked it up. End of story. Now move on with your life.

Sunday, November 20, 2011


So it turns out writing my book without the help of Word is rather difficult. I need it just to write down my notes, my characters, my synopses, everything. Once I have the outer working of my story down, I can start typing it out on my typewriter. The ribbon is worn and slightly dry, so I'm not wasting it during the brainstorming process. I need to get to know my characters and turning points inside and out before I can start filling in the minor details.

If someone knows where I can buy Word 2010 on the cheap, let me know. I'm not impatient. I guess the more time I have between now and when I get Word again, the more time the story in my head has to develop.

Mental note: in addition to buying Word, don't forget to process the film from your Lomo. Need to see how those photographs turned out.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

All done up;

I'd like to think Snow White and I were sisters in another life ;D

Friday, November 18, 2011


Watching So You Think You Can Dance makes me want to kill myself. I cannot wait for the new year. I get to start my contemporary dance classes. 6 weeks of whipping my body back into shape. I need to get back my flexibility, my balance, my posture, my fitness levels, and my physique. I am so damn excited !
I'd chuck in the ballet classes as well, but unfortunately my work finish time clashes with the start of the dance class.

Watching a loved one cry out in pain, knowing there's nothing you can do to help, is the absolute worst;

I’ve been at Flinder’s Medical Centre Emergency since about 6am this morning. Mother had intense back spasms that prevented her from walking, or basically any movement at all, including talking. I had to called 000 and get an ambulance because there was no way I could carry her to the car and drive. We’re home now, and she’s on severely strong pain killers.

Today, I cried a new set of tears - tears of helplessness. I felt fucking horrible watching my mother scream out in pain because it hurt so much, knowing there was nothing anyone could do. She just had to take it.

Thursday, November 17, 2011


Bought the BEST zombie cupcake book today. Cannot wait to make these ! So many awesome ideas.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


Still giving me butterflies in my tummy 2 and a half years later. I’m so incredibly lucky to have such a loving and supportive person in my life.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


The ONLY thing getting me through tonight is knowing that Michael and I get to share Christmas together in our own home for the first time ever. I'm so excited to get a Christmas tree and decorate the house. It's going to be so much fun !

I'm actually super duper pumped to live with him. It's one of the greatest highlights of my year.

It's official;

My hair is long enough that I can put it up in a bun on its own. No hair ties, no pins. Just twist and wind.

Come the next few months it'll be long enough to trim, layer, and be perfect to leave on its own. No more straightening unless it's for a special event.

Can life please make up its mind ?;

Yesterday was a handful, and as I've just experienced, so is today. I got word back from my mechanic about how much it's going to cost to fix my car. The cheapest deal he can do for me is $2,500. I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of money laying around the place.

As if I'm not stressed out enough with trying to organise getting ready to move houses, I now how to deal with a debt that I can't afford. Might as well give up on the bloody damn car and take out a loan greater than I was planning. Either way, I don't have money to buy a newer car, let alone fix my current one, so I might as well just jump in the deep end.

The next two weeks are going to be a nightmare. I'm trying super duper hard to not let my emotions control me, but this is getting beyond ridiculous. I've spent the last half hour crying to myself because my mother's idea of "helping" me has actually made me feel a billion times worse.

Monday, November 14, 2011

What a day;

Woke up this morning at 9am. For me, that's a sleep in. I got up, accidentally got wax in the wrong part of my eyebrow and took more off that I wanted, showered, my hair felt ridiculously good while rinsing it, shaded in my lame eyebrow, and then found some decent clothes appropriate for the weather. Received a phone call from what I thought was a random number, but actually turned out to be the real estate agent. Michael and I got the house we wanted so desperately ! We move in on the 25th of November once we have bond and 2 weeks advance rent organised. Walked out the front door, smelt smoke, and mother informed me that there's a bush fire in the conservation park up the street from our house.

Went upstairs, attempted to clean my room but only got about half way because it's seriously exhausting work, and then found out that the washing machine broke today. As if having car trouble wasn't enough, now I had to go to the laundry mat with mother. On our way, mother insisted on showing me a car she thought I'd like, since I'm buying another one, but it turned out to be a dud. The whole place was full of dud cars. We did our washing, which was a fuckload more expensive that we assumed, I grabbed sushi for lunch, which was terrible, and then we chose to hang out our washing at home instead of paying more money to use the dryers.

On our way home, I got a phone call from work. They're changing lunch time around at work for the residents, and as such, it means my short 5 hour shifts now become 6.5 hour shifts. I'm completely satisfied knowing that in the past 3 weeks, I've been offered more hours; just enough to cover rent and all our bills, with extra left over if I balance it right. When mother and I got to our street, it was blocked off with witches hats and a police officer. Mother got out and explained to him that we live on that street and needed to get home. All I could think about was Ichigo. We got home, mother made a stupid conversation with the next door neighbours, and I hung out the washing on the line hoping that it won't smell of smoke tomorrow.

Since Michael and I need financial help with covering bond, I decided to look up what assistance we could get. I finally found the forms, went to go print them, and then the printer started to fuck up. First it ran out of paper, so I put more in. Then it wouldn't resume printing, so I cancelled it, turn off the printer and chose to start again. When I had turned it back on, it decided that running blank pages through itself was the smartest idea. As I soon realised, it was actually out of ink but chose to tell me that it was jammed with paper instead. Mother's just left for the new ink cartridges. I wonder if she realises, that because we have one of those totally unnecessarily fancy printers, that it's going to cost a fair bit.

As for the blow fly that had been buzzing around in the same corner of the room for 15 minutes, I finally got the fucker with the fly spray. Which, mind you, is labelled in a completely different language, one I'm not sure I recognise. The only English on the can is "Mortein Ultra." Whatever; it did its job well.

And it's only just gone 5 o'clock.

Heart full of wine;

I've been staring at that blinking character cursor all night. I write something, read it over, highlight it and delete it. Nothing I write tonight satisfies me whatsoever. I guess I'm just going to have to share what's bothering me right now. And by bothering me, I just mean that I don't understand it. It doesn't make me angry or hurt me or the likes, but I'd like to understand the situation a little better. Ugh, I know that if I post this, I'm going to want to take it down tomorrow after I wake up and read what a disastrous entry this is.

Okay, so straight up, this is what's bothering me - Michael did a survey quiz thingy on his tumblr and one of the questions asked if he knew of people who were mad because of the person he's dating, and being honest like he is, he said yes.

I'm not bothered that he's honest about it, because that's what I want from him; honesty. What bothers me is that "yes" was the answer. Yes, he has people in his life that are mad because he's with me. And that bothers me. It's doesn't hurt me or upset me, it just confuses me. I make Michael happy, I know that, and yet people are mad at him for that. Or mad at me. Whichever the case, someone's still irrationally mad for something positive. Michael loves me and is happy with me. Why does that make others mad ? I don't get it.

It's not like I did anything hurtful towards any of them. I know there's a lot of bullshit flying around about the details of how Michael ended up with me instead of his ex, but I assure you; it was all his choice. I didn't force him to be with me, I didn't steal him from his ex, and I am most certainly not the kind of girlfriend that forbids him to see his friends that I haven't met. From the very beginning, Michael's always had a choice. I always made it crystal clear that if he wanted to be with someone else, all he had to do was say so and I would let him leave. He knows that, even now.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I know who he was thinking of when he answered "yes." It bothers me because it's been 2 and 1/2 years since he made his choice, and still she can't deal with it. Still, she's trying to defend her side of the story, like it matters anymore. Which is really stupid because if her side of the story doesn't matter anymore, then this shouldn't bother me, but it does so shut your mouth. And see, the thing is is that she has no idea who I am, what kind of person I'm like, or anything personal about me. As far as I'm concerned, all of her opinion of me is based on what she's lurked on Facebook. And believe me, I know she's lurked plenty.

And what makes matters worse for me, is that I know she's going around telling her friends, mutual friends of Michael's, that I'm a bad person because of all these imaginary hurtful things I've done. I know she is, Michael even said so. I don't think he realised what he actually said when he said it, but it's stuck in my head and I'll never forget it. Michael's female best friend is someone I'd like to meet, eventually, because I've heard such lovely things about her and she's an important part of his life. I've come to the conclusion, that because she's also his ex's best friend, I'll probably never get to meet her. And even if I did, I don't think she'd like me all that much because of all the horrible things she's heard about me.
Michael's words were, "No, she wants to meet you, even after all the bad things [insert ex's name here] has said about you."
That's great to know, really. I love hearing how people talk shit about me behind my back. I love it even more when they pretend to be nice to my face the first time we exchange words face to face. It's fucking fantastic. She even defended herself and said to Michael that she was being "nice" upon our first exchange of introductions. I'm sorry, but nice people aren't two-faced.

I just don't get it. It's been 2 and 1/2 years. Isn't that enough time to get over it ? I'm not angry about all the shit that happened at the beginning anymore. I'm not angry about the countless times she tried to win him back from me anymore. I'm not angry about how she calls him her best friend, when Michael talks rather unpleasantly about her to all of our friends anymore [I was angry in the beginning because Michael was being two-faced, and I hate two-faced people.] I don't care about how she's apart of Michael's life, in whatever way she is. But that still doesn't mean I'm okay with the fact that she hates me for something I didn't do, bitches about me behind my back to all of Michael's friends, and still holds a grudge against me.

I get the whole "first true love" thing. I do, even though I've never had to apply it to myself. But for goodness sake, it's over for you two. As long as Michael has me, he doesn't want anyone else. I make him the happiest, and shouldn't that make other people happy, too ? Shouldn't they be happy that Michael's happy, regardless of who he's with ? You can't say things like, "I just want you to be happy, no matter what," and then take it back because the person he's now with makes him so happy that he wouldn't even consider going back to you again. Either you want him to be happy, or you don't.

I make Michael happy, and as long as I keep doing so, things aren't going to change. People should be happy about it, not mad. And anyone who's mad about me being with Michael is not someone I want to meet anyway. I can do without the fake persona, thank you very much.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Survs up;

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
My boyfriend ? Adurh !

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
That doesn’t happen. Just no.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
I do all the time.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
If there is, I don’t care.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Not that I can think of.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Work clothes.

8. How often do you listen to music?
Every day. Stupid question.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
Denim for sure. Jeans, shorts, jackets…

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012?
2013 is when a big change happens career wise (:

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
I’m social, even though I like my quiet time (:

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

13. What about ‘R’?

14. Can you drive a stick shift?
“Stick shift,” hahahahha. I’m learning again since I haven’t since I was 16 and that was a long time ago.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
I’ve now seen the upside to this situation - if people talk shit about me, it’s because they’ve got nothing better to do with their time than hate on me.

16. Are you going out of town soon?
Not until Feburary-ish

17. When was the last time you cried?
I don’t even remember. Who cares ?

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
Well yeah… I mean it.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
Sure, more than one actually.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
I’m tired, it’s Sunday night, and I can’t see Michael because I don’t have a car to drive.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Yes, yes it is.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Sure am (:

24. What are you sitting on right now?
Kitchen bar stool.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
Michael tells me every day.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Once upon a time, then I got over it like sane people do.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
I sent Michael a txt last night but I didn’t get a reply for obvious reasons. He was drunk.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?
Not anymore (:

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

30. Does anyone hate you?
Yeah, but I don’t give a shit.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Nope, just full ones ;D

32. Do you like watching scary movies?
I do, yes.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
No. Never. Ew.
I have my tongue webbing done, which is completely different and totally pointless.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
No thank you. I like to remember the shit mistakes I’ve made so I never make them again.

35. Did you have a dream last night?
I don’t remember it now, but I was confused when I woke.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
28 ? I better be married by the time I’m 40 or Celeste and I are getting married and adopting children.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
I know he does. He tells me every day.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I guess not ? I don’t know.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Yesterday was okay, last night was where it was at.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
Yep (:

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
I don’t knowwwww. My mother doesn’t count.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
Yes, but I didn’t feel the same way.

44. What’s the best part about school?
The social side with your friends. That’s it.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
No. I hide from the internet.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
HA ! My best friend in high school and I hated our year 12 math teacher, so we wrote notes, stuck them in handmade envelopes, and then taped them underneath the table we were sitting at. Then we left a pencil note on the top to tell the next people to sit there what was underneath. They wrote back to us (:

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Good memories only. No point dwelling on the bad.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
It’s so much better in ways I can’t explain.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Nothing. I have the next two days off so I’m staying up late and watching X-Men all night.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
I love Michael.

52. Are you nice to everyone?
Sure am, unless I have a personal reason as to why not.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Michael was unexpected in every way imaginable. Best surprise from life, ever.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Done and done.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I choose not to anymore. Whatever I’m feeling is on display for everyone to see. I don’t hide anything.

56. Do you think you like someone?
I love someone.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
A boy in primary school. Oooooohhhhh, cooties.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
Either or. Boys have just as much drama as girls, they hide it better.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
Plenty have. I’m fucking stupid sometimes.

60. Do you hate anyone?
For reasons of my own, yes.

61. How’s your heart?
Pretty damn content with everything.

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
It’s not that I hate talking about it, it’s just that I don’t enjoy reminding myself of the greatest mistake I’ve ever made.

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
It’s what happens when you become romantically involved.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
Oh, I can name one little snot in particular.

65. Are your toenails painted pink?
No. No pink will ever appear on my nails, unless it’s a pastel soft ballet kind of pink.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Never is.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
I don’t like it when people cry at all. I feel uncomfortable and upset that they’re sad. Why would I like that ?

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
I don’t think so, no.

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
Err, txting Michael before.

70. How do you look right now?
Daily work face.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Like all of my friends, ever.

72. Can you commit to one person?
I currently do.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
I sure as hell do.

74. Have you ever felt replaced?
Yep, but that’s in the past. It doesn’t matter now.

75. Did you wake up cranky?
Slightly annoyed I had work.

76. Are you a jealous person?
Nope. Jealousy implies that there is someone who threatens my happiness, and no one does that. I’m not insecure.

77. Are relationships ever worth it?
If it makes you happy, damnstraight they are.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
Nope. I’ve cut the shit people out of my life already.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
Yes, I do but it’s not urgent.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Clean my room.

81. Last person you cried in front of?

82. Is there someone you will never forget?
A lifetime of people.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
Of course. I’ve seen it.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
We’d be watching movies, eating something entirely unhealthy, cuddling, probably tickling each other, and making stupid faces at each other.

85. Are you over your past?
Most certainly.

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
A lot of people think I have, but you’d be wrong. I’m just super comfortable with them.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Haven’t you already asked this ?

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
I’d take the apology, not the presents. It’d be nice to know he’s sorry for fucking things up just as much as I did. There’s is nothing he could do to make me want to return to that part of my life.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
He’d probably be drunk, and I’d be okay with that. We’d probably play 20 Questions while making shadow puppets with the light that leeks in from the street.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
There was a point where none of my friends wanted anything to do with them. It’s been fixed (:

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
Unless he changes his mind, I will be.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
My boyfriend. Fancy that.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
Yes, shamefully.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
Yup. It’s kickass awesome.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
I’m happy with him all the time.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
Oh boy is he ever !

97. Who do you have texts from?
I have an iPhone, so from anyone who’s txtd me in the last 6 months or so.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
“GTFO and let me think about this.” - what he said.

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
You know, I probably haven’t. Ha.

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
Just me.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
I think so. Maybe ?

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Ohyes. Many nights spent feeling them flutter around.

Friday, November 11, 2011

What the fuck is with everyone being so judgemental about other people's tattoos ?;

Are they on your body ?

Are they on your body ?

Are they on your body ?

Then shut the fuck up. It doesn't matter to what their tattoo looks like, who they went to, how much they paid, or what their story is behind it. It's not on your fucking body, it's on their's. They've made a decision to have it on their body, not on yours. It's none of your fucking business. I'm 100% positive, as a tattooed person myself, that if I were to publicly shame you for your tattoos, you'd be pretty fucking offended. Don't you dare lay down that "double standard" bullshit. Oh what, so you can poke fun at other people's tattoos but the moment someone says shit about yours, it's game on ? People get tattoos to express themselves, not to impress you.

Get fucked, you pretentious assholes.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

/cue mushy post - and action;

I often reflect over the dramatic changes my current relationship has undergone in the past two and a half years, and only recently did I remember one of my favourite moments along the way.

One night, while trying to sleep alone in my huge bed, I rolled over, stretched out my arms across my mattress, and felt a small dip as my hands glided over the area. I immediately realised it was the rough shape of Michael's body, exactly where he lays when he's sleeping in my bed.

At that point in our relationship, we were fighting over something that is no longer an issue, and in that moment I found his spot in my bed, I realised how much I actually missed him and how pointless our fighting was. Part of him was laying right next to me, and yet he was in his own bed, far away from me. It was like my bed was telling me exactly where he should have been but wasn't because we were both too stupid to put differences aside.

That night I decided to stop trying to change things that were outside of my control. I've been happier ever since, and worry free. I'm glad I found that spot. It's no longer there since he's hardly at my house anymore, but I know it'll be back when we move in together. On those nights he'll be out working and I'll be home trying to sleep, I know I won't feel so lonely now that his spot will be there.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

My heart;

It years for things I cannot afford.
Stupid car breaking down on me. Worst timing ever.

These words you speak;

They weigh a ton. They crush my chest, strangle my neck, and wrestle with my heart. I can feel my insides melting as each syllable nestles itself within me. They burst into flames, igniting and bringing forth a smoke that shrouds and chokes my lungs. I can feel the air popping in my ears, the white silence ringing in my mind, the world becoming a blur before my very eyes. My knees begin to buckle, the ground beneath falls away, and I am at your mercy. My bones ache for you.

These words you speak; they may drown me in a sea of perpetual emotions I've never felt before, but I wouldn't have it any other way. These words you speak; you know their weight in gold, how precious they truly are. These words you speak; they make me feel alive.

I love the way you fumble so delicately with words you're yet to fully understand.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Hip hap hooray !;

In case you were wondering what denotes me as Girlfriend of the Year material, it’s because of what I got Michael for his birthday.

Yes, what you’re looking at is a hand crafted, custom made, Hogwarts Acceptance Letter; a Golden Snitch pocket watch/necklace; and Tom Marvolo Riddle’s Diary.


Saturday, November 5, 2011

My car broke down today;

I missed the house inspection.

The RAA mechanic said my engine is dead. "Better off buying another $400-$500 car instead of wasting $1000+ on fixing the engine."

I cried. I cried. I cried.

I am now even more determined to go to town, forget about it, have a good time, and spend Sunday being hung over.

Monday, I'm calling the mechanics to get it fixed asap. I have work Tuesday, get paid on Thursday, and I need my car back before all of that happens.

Friday, November 4, 2011

What am I; the only person who says they're going to do something, and actually does it ?;

I really wish people who announce their new "lease on life" would think heavily prior to announcing it. Saying your going to commit to everything you agree upon doing, is only helpful to a happier life if you actually do it. Don't boast about how you're going to try new things, do more with your spare time, and all that junk, if you're going to take it back because it's scary and new.

Strapping on a bungee rope to your ankles and walking to the edge is only risky if you actually jump. You accomplish nothing by walking to the edge, become overwhelmed with fear, and turn around with your tail between your legs. You didn't learn anything new, you didn't experience anything new, and you most certainly didn't risk anything. All you did was reaffirm your weaknesses that need a change.

Stop taking back the shit you say you're going to do, or don't say it at all. Save my ears from listening to your empty babble. You always go on and on about how every new year's beginning means it'll be your year. No, no it won't unless you change, and we both know you won't. You like who you are, even though it makes you angry and lonely.

That's it;

Tomorrow morning, I'm waking up at 8am-8:30am, doing a half hour work out, washing my hair properly for the first time in months, going to pretty myself up, and have a good day and night. I will not eat a shitty lunch or dinner, and the only part of my diet that will contain loads of kjs will be alcohol and the mixer.

Bring on Tequilaria.

I've had quite enough of being a fatty these last few months. No more !


I like how I go from having no plans on a Friday night, or rather “reading a book all night” plans, to having a few drinks with Hannah. Since I have no money spare, she’s picking me up and dropping me off home, and buying me a drink.

If Michael and I get the house we want, I can see these sorts of events happening on the regular. I love Summer; none of this happens in winter.

Fuck Friday night;

I'm all about Saturday. I'm having lunch and a bit of a window shopping spree with Sarah at Marion for the first time in mooooonths, going to two house inspections with Michael, one of which we're really excited about, getting ready for town that night with Hannah and possible others, and it's officially 2 and half years for Michael and I.

I am that excited about it, I cannot sit still. Life rules.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


I support my boyfriend's 80s porn moustache, and so should you ;D
Click to donate to a good cause !

I love being a smart mouth assface when I can;

Mother: Are you working tomorrow ?

Me: You know, my roster is on the fridge for you to check for a reason...

Mother: What's your problem ?

Me: I'm sick of you asking me shit questions all the time. "When are you coming home ? Where are you ? When are you working next ?" blah blah blah blah. You don't even ask how I am anymore, how work is going, how my day was, nothing. Only shit that doesn't matter.

Mother: Well sooooooooooorryyyyy. I won't ask anymore questions. What if something was to happen ?! Then what ?!

Me: Even if something was to happen, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN ASK BECAUSE YOU NEVER DO.

Mother: Just get out of my face ! Go back to your fucking room ! I don't want to look at you !

Me: I would, but you told me to stop being anti-social so now I'm sitting here instead.

Mother: Just get out ! I don't care, I don't want to see your face !

Me: ...then don't look up ?

Mother: For fucks sake, I'm sick of your shit ! Just shut up and go to your room ! I don't want to look at your face !

Me: Then stop looking at me. I'm just sitting here on my laptop, doing nothing that involves you whatsoever.

For the love of the Universe, someone please tell me how the fuck I ended up with a child for a mother !?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

/embarrassed to the maximum;

Found all my mixed CDs from when I was 17. What the fuck kind of drugs was I on to listen to some of this shit ?! Ohgod, make it stop.

/first CD
Ohfuck, I found all my cheerleader music from high school. Just kill me. Slowly, so in the next life I never make the same mistake.

/second CD
Arethra Franklin ! R.E.S.P.E.C.T BITCHES.
30 Seconds To Mars. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
GHOSTBUSTERS ! I loved my movie soundtracks back when I was shit at life.
Waaaah, BODYJAR. All my punk skater music is on this CD. Shitfuck, why don’t I listen to this anymore ?!
Herpaderpa. Brittney Spears is on every girl’s mix CD at some point in life.

/third CD
Ahdear fucking lordy lord. Here comes all the emo music I used to listen to. “Used to.” Who am I kidding ?! I still listen to half of this stuff.

/fourth CD
ATREYU ! I’m keeping this CD for sure. Fucking hell, I miss listening to this every day.

/fifth CD
Well this CD brings back the worst memories of my life. “Better off just friends, better off just dead.” So much New Found Glory. Christ, why did a boy have to make this shitfuck CD for me ?! Memories I had long forgotten have returned. I should probably stop listening to this CD now, but I’m not going to. I want to remember those mistakes I made when I was younger so I’ll NEVER make them again. I knew there was a reason why I didn’t listen to New Found Glory anymore. Good reason.
I’m keeping this CD too.
Okay, maybe not. I found some other music that I didn’t like then, and still don’t. Probably never will.