they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The little train that could;

The single reason behind my lack of progression through life comes down to one thing - fear. The reason why I never moved out of home earlier, why I never went to Uni for nursing, why I never got a real job, why all my relationships are insanely difficult at the beginning, why I don't trust others easily, why I'm always holding back on everything I want to do. Today is the 11th of January 2012 and I've never felt more fearless in my life.

I finally have a better understanding of myself; the person everyone always said I was but I denied. I didn't want to admit that I was scared, but I'm not like that anymore. I'm still scared of doing things but I'm not letting it stop me. From now on I'm pushing myself to overcome it, whatever it is, no matter how many times I fail before I get it right. If only I remain calm and focused, everything will work out effortlessly. I need to remember to breathe, collect my thoughts and not panic. Failure is acceptable as it teaches me what methods not to use, and I can't waste those lessons in life.
"Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself."
Hermione had no idea how right she was. The more I scared myself about things I hadn't even tried, the more I wanted to pretend like I didn't want them. I kept creating monsters out of my dreams and desires, and it was smothering me. I was always seeing the darker sides making it impossible to let the light in. Not anymore. This year I'm stronger. No. It started November last year, and I plan to carry it on for life. Now, if only I can pluck up the courage to sky dive. That would be the ultimate test.

1 comment:

  1. Same. I am notorious at avoiding any dissision making, from the little like what flavour ice cream, to the big like University, travelling? Simply because I'm afraid of making the wrong choice. Fear is a bitch.
    N x