they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Dear Michael.

I was hungry and your Doritos chips were whispering my name, so I ate them. They were going stale anyway, so I kind of saved your taste buds; you can thank me later. I’ll buy you another packet tomorrow.

Bianca xoxo

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Things I wish I'd said #003

I'm sorry for what I did to you. I don't know why I did it, and there's not a single excuse on this planet that can justify what I did. I suppose I did it because for once I was the one in control, and I wasn't the one being hurt. You're now too far away for me to make it up properly, and I'd probably waste my chance if you were close enough because I'm a lousy friend like that. Neither of us gained anything from what I did and, unfortunately for me, there's nothing I can do to fix what's broken between us. You've forgiven me, and I'm so thankful for that, but I know you'll always think of what I did in the back of your mind and a small part of you will always hate me for it.

I'm okay with that. I'm okay knowing you'll never trust me again. I wouldn't trust me either if I were in your shoes. I don't deserve it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for giving me a second chance. I won't screw it up. Promise.

Had an anxiety attack when I saw the doctor today.

Don't know why, and thinking about it makes me anxious all over again. All I want to do is cry and I can't for the life of me think of one valid reason. I guess I'm over being sick, and part of me feels like I'm being left behind in some sort of way. I don't know.

My best friend's mum works at the clinic I went to. She just sent me a txt asking if I was okay. My best friends are more than just friends; they're family to me. I'm so fucking lucky to have them.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Things I wish I'd said #002

You’re a sucky kisser, literally. When I put my tongue in your mouth, you’re meant to caress it with yours. You do not suck on it like a fucking lollipop. Keep the saliva to a minimum as well. It may also help if you didn’t pretend our tongues were sword fighting either. Kissing is supposed to be sensual, not some hard muscular wrestle in my mouth. If I wanted that, I’d suck your cock, but that was funny looking too, so no.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Things I wish I'd said #001

Sometimes I want to apologise for not being good enough. But I won’t. I shouldn’t have to. What I give you is enough to make any person on this damn planet happy, and if that’s not enough for you, then guess who’s loss it is? Yours. You’re the one missing out on all kinds of happiness and love because you’re after the unattainable perfect being.

Screw you and your bullshit expectations. If I’m not enough as I am, then you’re damn sure I’ll find someone who appreciates me for everything I am.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Best. Boyfriend. Evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~

I don't know where I'm going with this.

No matter your regrets, no matter your heart break, no matter your triumphs, no matter what happens in your life, be it good or bad; life goes on.

One of my residents joined the air force and was paralysed down the right side of her body due to a bomb attack. She regrets joining the air force, and if she could, she'd have changed things. Unfortunately for her, that's not the way things work in life, and she's a very bitter woman when she feels like it.

I met another lady through community care that had been married twice; her first husband, and I quote, "dropped dead." She remarried shortly after, and her second husband raised her children like his own. She was equally heart broken over her second husband's death as she was her first; after all, she loved them equally. She was lonely without them and missed them dearly. If she could have had more time with one of them, she would have. Unfortunately for her, that's not how the way things work in life.

Life doesn't care whether you have one regret, a million regrets, or none. Life doesn't care if you lived a happy life or a bitter one. Life hands you roses one at a time; sometimes you get the sweet smell, sometimes you get the sharp thorns. Either way, life keeps handing them to you, and the only time you stop receiving them is when you give up on life.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Adventure time~

Heather and I went for a jog today since the weather was nice, but it eventually turned into a 10.4km walk. We walked from Reynella to Christies Beach along the Southern Express Way, which took us at least 2 hours and 8 minutes (according to google maps).

On our way, we ventured into a pet shop where we found this little cutie pie puppy. She was absolutely gorgeous and only $300 ! If I had the money right there and then, I would have bought her for Michael. She kept whimpering at us and then tried to jump out of her cage. Ugh, I wish I had the money ):

When we eventually got to the beach, Heather’s ankles were covered in blood thanks to her blisters. We were too far away to walk back home so I called Michael and he picked us up. On his way, he got a fine for not having one of his P plates all the way up on his rear window - bullshit move since other cops usually would have let him off.

Earlier tonight, Ryan, Larry, Jane, England, Michael, Heather and I went out to Pizza Hut for all you can eat dinner. I don’t think I’ve eaten that much in a while. I feel like I’m about to pop with a food baby any minute.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Even Facebook doesn't like you.

This one time, a friend of mine tried to be smart with me about my photos and camera by using the same “insult” twice. Facebook automatically marked his second “insult” as spam, since it was the same comment as the first. Even Facebook recognised he was being a douche.

Word to ya mother, mofucker !

Friday, May 18, 2012


I need a goddamn mouse if I'm going to play Diablo III properly. You can't do it on a laptop with a fucking touch pad. It's impossible. I just fucking died because my touch pad went on a fritz. Piece of shit.

So angry. I actually rage quit after returning to my last checkpoint.

kjdgs;afugyhkfawvho fw tf79guo; qrt7pougffbgtiul kdsgu lkjdv adfhu;l

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


So far in my aged care career I've:

  • been spat at
  • had to clean up vomit with my hands
  • had someone accidentally urinate on my bare hand
  • been scratched, punched, slapped, whipped, bitten at
  • seen just about over 100+ old naked bodies
  • been drooled on
  • showered said naked old bodies
  • had to wipe up shit, literally, from someone's bare asshole
  • received more sloppy nanna kisses than I can count
  • had puss from a wound squirt into my face
  • been called every single insult under the sun [whore, slut, bitch, etc]
  • had elderly men make sexual advances towards me
  • endured physically having to touch the genitals of another person
  • physically had to pick shit up off of the bathroom/hallway floor
  • ... the list goes on.

There's more I could list but I'd be here all night. Point being, there's no fucking way your job is as horrible as mine can be. Take the fucking burger flipping job and shut your mouth. You'd probably get paid more than I do, and the worst thing you'd deal with is some smart mouthed customer who's obviously a douchebag anyway. Have someone shit on your shoe and then tell me working in fast food is "horrible," you wanker.

Point is; money is fucking money. Who gives a shit how you get it.

So Michael’s gone out to dinner with Ryan.

As he left, he kissed me really hard, and I could feel his facial hair tickling my lips.

“Merrrh. I could feel your… thingy… I don’t even know what part of your face that was.”

“What ?”

“I couldn’t tell if it was your moustache or beard that was pressing against my lips.”

Yeah, amazing descriptive skills right there. Because of my throat infection, whenever I laugh I sound like fucking Elmo.

Tea time !

Found my teapot and decided to brew some white tea. The ingredients list reads: Kenyan White Tea; Brahmi; Tulsi (Basil); Green Cardamom; Sandalwood; Clove; Sweet Liquorice.

It’s supposed to help improve memory, which, as we all know, I could do with help in that department. I need to get more white tea and rooibos tea too.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Sometimes I forget how long other girls take to get ready.

I don't style my hair or wear make up much anymore. It takes me like 10 minutes to pick out something to wear and to put it on. That's it.

Now I know how Michael must have felt all those times I made him wait hours so I could look good. I just don't give a shit anymore, and I'm happier this way.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Two of my best friends are fighting.

Actually, they're more or less done fighting and have sworn to never talk to each other again. What the hell is happening ?

It makes me sad to see them like this. They've always fought - it's been a component of their friendship since the beginning - but this has gotten way out of control.

Things will never be the same again.

Sunday, May 13, 2012



Thursday, May 10, 2012

Right. I've sorted out my Nursing degree plans.

I am going to sit the STAT later in the year and hopefully do well enough to get into my Nursing degree at Flinders Uni. Studying part-time shouldn’t be too hard since it’s like one day a week or whatever.

Hello life goal accomplishment. It’ll take me longer to complete my degree, but I’m going to get there. I am so excited to do it !

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Rachel: Everyone, look at your phones ! What time is it ?

Bianca: It's 12am.

Rachel: And what does that mean ?

Bianca: Oh, no ! Happy Hour is over !

/Rachel storms off.

/Bianca suddenly realises that if it's 12am on the 6th of May IT'S ACTUALLY RACHEL'S DAY OF BIRTH.

Yeah, good one, you fucking idiot. I'd like a medal, please.

Rachel's birthday adventure !

So Saturday night was Rachel's birthday celebration night, and we ventured to HQ for the beginning of the night because it's cheap and Heather had never been before. We ended up staying most of the night. I drank a half a bottle of nasty red wine before leaving, some vodkas+cranberries and skittle bombs there, then danced more freely than ever before.

On the taxi ride in, Rachel and Hayley (I have no idea how her name is actually spelt so I'm going with the common version I know) screamed so loudly that the driver pulled over. There was a spider no bigger than a 20cent piece on the window. Dylan casually crushed it with his hands, we continued on with our drive in, and then Alannah (once again, going with the common spelling) and Rachel noticed that our driver was taking one of the longest possible routes in. They both got snappy and it ended up costing us an extra $10 because he screwed us around.

I bumped into a few people I knew, Rachel found Corey, and then I realised that an old friend, Michael, was with him. I wore flats so dancing wasn't a problem for me, but Heather paid the price for heels. I have to admit, that girl has legs like I've never seen before. We spent a great deal of time in the rnb room with Trev. Afterwards we were dancing in Soho and spied a girl who was clearly off her face on drugs - she was staring into a mirrored water feature wall (hard to explain), kept putting her hands into the water, stared at her own hands like she had no fucking clue what they were, and then finished up with glares to everyone around her. Her friend obviously noticed she was giving away that she took "little pick me up" and pulled her away.

We didn't leave the place except for one time; to visit Tequilarea for happy hour. 2 for $10 shots ! Heather and I had two rounds of gummy bear shots and a round of mango tango shots. I forgot how much I love that place. The night rolled to an almost close when Soho and the smoking area was shut off. We spent a good hour or so in the main room, where Rachel and Corey danced on one pedestal area thingy, and I dance on my own while Heather stood on the floor next to me because her feet hurt too much to stand up with me.

I think it was like 6-7am before I went to bed after everyone left and we made it back to Rachel's. We left hers at like 12pm, got home and crashed. I think I got about 3 hours sleep or something like that. I usually have Sunday and Monday to recover with, but work stole my Monday for training; it was super hard to get through without wanting to fall back asleep.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Friday, May 4, 2012

Things that annoy me - part 1 (because I'm sure I could add many more parts to this)

My menstrual cycle - if I could shut down my uterus for a few years then start it up again when I was ready to have children, I fucking would. No lie.

My financial situation - I hate the way the amount of cash I have dictates the life I lead; more so its direct correlation to my social life.

Waiting for what feels like an eternity for the doctor - for some unknown reason, the wait to see your doctor exceeds the amount of time that you actually spend with your doctor. I don't understand how I wait hours on end to see a doctor who'll spend 2 minutes with me and write up a prescription to get me out asap.

Those noisy as fuck children who constantly throw tantrums for no reason - parents need to learn how to control their children properly. When I venture out into the public, I don't expect my ears to be assaulted with the noise your child makes. If you can be fined for noise pollution from playing music too loudly in your own fucking car, parents should be fined for noise pollution in a public space. Shut up. Just, shut up.

People who are offended by breastfeeding mothers - honestly, if you can't get your mind out of the fucking gutter while watching a baby suckle, you have some serious issues to deal with. It's not an erotic situation so stop treating it like one. Furthermore, if males can walk around without a goddamn shirt on, you can fucking suck it up when a woman is doing exactly what her fucking body was designed to do. Don't even start with me.

Those dumbfuck people who stop moving while in the very middle of the walkway in a mall - no, seriously, that's the most convenient and logical place to stop moving, really; directly in the path of every other person who just wants to do their shopping and go home. Please, move to the side and let everyone else carry on with their day. Just because you suddenly have no fucking clue what you're doing, it doesn't mean the rest of us should suffer for it.

"Got a lighter?" people - if you can afford cigarettes, at least have the fucking common sense to buy the accessories you need to go along with it. I am not a portable lighter for the general public, and we're not friends because I light one up for you. Go away.

ppl whu typ lyk dis - we live in a world of modern day technology that has auto correct. For fuck sake, most internet browsers and document programs come with a spell checker. That little red squiggly line under all your misspelled words isn't decorative. You have no excuses, whatsoever. None.

Homophobes/people against same sex marriage - I don't need to explain this one. This is just a given, like basic human rights. (See what I did there.)

"Real women have curves" - as a naturally skinny girl who can in fact eat whatever the fuck I want and never gain weight, here's a well overdue FUCK YOU. I am just as real as you are, you bitch. I am not a "rake" or a "twig." Men will not snap me in half in the midst of sex, and if you poke my bum, I'm sure you'll hit flab before you hit bone. Obesity is equally unattractive as anorexia/bulimia. I am all for loving who you are in your own skin, but don't you dare beat down on others because they have a different body shape.

The fact that whilst I thought I had legitimate reasons to complain and therefore create this post, I was mistaken - I'll stop now.


My cat is forever sitting on Michael’s shoulder.

Earlier tonight he went to the shops and brought back some goodies - spinach and cheese ravioli, and The Adventures of Tintin on dvd. I showered him with kisses and gave him a big hug, then finished up saying, “Guess who’s getting laid tonight?”

I am a suave motherfucker.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Adventure time !

I realise it's been a while since I did a proper personal post, instead of constantly updating all of tumblr about my meaningless bullshit. A few weekends ago Rachel, Hannah and myself took Heather out for a touristy day. We started out at the Animal Expo where we got to play with so many kitties and puppies :3 Heather and Rachel held a snake, and I petted it, which is a big achievement for me since snakes usually gives me the creeps. Hannah let way too many dogs lick her face [she's a dog whore now]; Heather and I laughed at the kitty with the squished face; Rachel enquired about Sphynx breeders in Adelaide; we saw Doctor Harry for a little bit; I got my face painted; we originally mistook the Home Makers Expo for the Animal one when we got there; and we finished up the expo but wandering through the Arts and Crafts expo that was next door.

After the Animal Expo, we ventured out to the Big Rocking Horse, which is a pretty damn big steel frame Rocking Horse in the middle of fucking nowhere - you can climb up all the way to the top, which is a few stories high. It was cold and windy, we had rather large handbags with us, and there were too many children around for it to be peacefully enjoyed. We had lunch; climbed this fucking scary Rocking Horse; made it to the top and then instantly regretted it because climbing down was a fuck load scarier; noticed a couple of signs that frightened us a bit; got back down and collected our "certificates"; and then wandered through the animal sanctuary. Rachel bought some animal feed and we made friends with a sheep that we stupidly named "Baaaaaaab." Baaab [for short] followed Rachel around the whole park because she was the one with the food. There were peacocks, wallabies, ducks, and an Emu that made the most frightfully deep drumming grunt noise I've ever heard. It was weird and reconfirmed why the fuck I hate birds [with the exception of Owls and Peacocks because they're pretty birds and everything else is ugly, okay ?]

We then drove to the Whispering Wall, which is a massive dam that allows two people to talk while standing at opposite ends. It's hard to explain but yeah. When we arrived, we could hear this kid on the opposite end of the wall shouting, "SCHNITZELS !" constantly. I don't know if it was because of inbreeding or because he was obviously from a dero family, but it seemed like he had no idea how the fucking wall worked. You're meant to stand next to the wall, speak like normal, and the person on the other fucking end can hear you. If you shout, you're missing the goddamn fucking point. Heather, Hannah and I just tried to ignore him and his disgusting family while we were trying to talk to Rachel. It would have been much easier if that fucking little shit kept his mouth shut, but what else could we do. Upon leaving, this shit-for-brains kid started getting really racist towards some Indian and Chinese people who were keeping to themselves and not at all disturbing the peace. In fact, the only person making everyone feel fucking uncomfortable was this Caucasian kid spouting racist slurs as he walked past.

On the way home, a rock flew up from the side of the road and smashed Rachel's windscreen. It created a little rainbow-like crack in the window, and we all laughed about how it might have killed Hannah if it had hit the window a little higher. When Heather and I got home, we laughed about all the little inside jokes we had made, and Michael spent it being confused because none of it made sense to him.

There. Proper personal post completed. Michael's coming home early from work because he's sick, so now I get to look after him for a few hours before going to pay the water bill and my first Personal Trainer session at gym this afternoon. Bootcamp might actually kill me tomorrow, who knows.