they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Saturday afternoon.


Michael and I went to AVCon today and I bought this Totoro kigurumi ! It cost me more than I really want to pay, but I couldn't find it online for a cheaper price. Ohwell~ When we first got to AVCon at like 11am, there was a massive line-up. We thought we'd be waiting all fucking day to get in but it turned out to be the line for sale tickets, not pre-reg tickets. It's a good thing I bought our tickets early because we literally walked past every single person in that line laughing to ourselves, and walked straight into the venue. Michael was hung-to-the-fuck-over so he was sooking all day saying he was tired and shit (to bad, motherfucker, you knew we had AVCon). We had a look at almost all of the stalls, admired the much larger space this year, wandered through the free play gaming and then found the cafe where Michael bought some food. At first I wasn't going to buy the kigurumi, but after searching online for a cheaper one, I decided that I had to have it. We travelled down to Dumpling King in Chinatown for some lunch, got some bubble tea from Qubic2, and then went back to AVCon to wander around again. I wanted to play some free play games but Michael wouldn't let me because sitting down meant he'd fall asleep. I did play some zombie surf game, which I totally sucked at, because let's be honest here, I'm not good at FPS games. We left shortly after and went to The Wolfgang Sexhut (Brad, Ryan and Larry's house) to pick up Michael's things.

Michael's now asleep and I'm here, doing this as per usual. I'm actually exhausted now that I'm sitting down and relaxed. Tomorrow; cosplay tournament ! And this time I'm actually playing some goddamn games ! Exciting~

Friday, July 27, 2012

Friday night.

For the first time in months, I have the time and the money to go out. Instead, I’ve put that money in my savings account and I’ll watch anime all night. One more step closer to more tattoos. Priorities; check !

Once again, proof that I am socially retarded. I think I’m at my all time highest point… or lowest, however you wanna look at it.

10 reasons why today rules:

  1. I got to work with three of my favourite co-workers.
  2. I had a short shift today.
  3. Michael’s cooking laksa for dinner !
  4. He moved my car for me (I parked behind him in the driveway).
  5. He told me to eat something before napping because he knows I always wake up feeling sick afterwards.
  6. Cups of tea.
  7. Fresh sheets on the bed.
  8. AVCon is tomorrow.
  9. My muscles don’t hurt nearly as much as they did the past couple of days.
  10. I just realised that no matter how much I used to dislike you, you do similar things like I do so I guess you’re not all that bad.
ANOTHER REASON WHY TODAY RULES:
HOUSE TO MYSELF TONIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS !

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with Michael and all that jazz, but the house to myself means I can play whatever music I want, play whatever games I want, use the internet however I want, and not have to worry about it ruining his MW3 games.

Now I have a tough choice to make: watch new anime; play Diablo III; play something on SNES; play Kingdom Hearts on my emulator; play Pokemon while watching a movie; play Sims 3 evennnn…. SO MANY CHOICES, NOT ENOUGH HANDS AND BRAIN TO DO THEM ALL AT ONCE.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Forever socially awkward.

My social retardation has become so bad that I don’t even bother rsvp-ing to things because I know I’ll get bored and wanna come home after 10 minutes if I do go.

Michael just asked me to come with him to have drinks at our friends’ house Saturday night. He had to convince me to come along, even though I admitted I’ll get bored quickly. These people are my friends and I avoid them because making conversation with people I haven’t seen in ages scares me because in the past year I haven’t done much with my life. They’ll all be drunk and making jokes, and I’ll be sitting there feeling all awkward wondering if they really wanna talk to me, because I wouldn’t wanna talk to me.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Right meow.

I was kneeling down in front of the heater minding my own business when all of a sudden my cat climbed on my back and laid there for 5 minutes until I tipped him off. Could not stop laughing to myself. He’s been sitting in all sorts of weird places lately.

Saturday.

Went to the hospital to visit my grandpa with Mother. He seems to be doing well so that’s good, but he’s still got a bit of recovery to do before he can have his bowel surgery. On the way home, I expressed to mother how tired and hungry I had become, so she offered to make me dinner and take me home later since I’d be coming home to an empty house. Curried veggies and rice was yum ! She then gave me a cider to wash it down with, which is awesome since mother generally doesn’t share her alcohol, especially her cider. We talked about care needs for my grandparents since they both have cancer and now I’m back home.

Sometimes, she goes alright. Nah but seriously, she’s been really fucking cool since I moved out of home. It’s nice. I like it. Woo.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Can't think of a title. Make one up yourself.

Yesterday was the longest day off I think I’ve ever had. I woke up at 6am and got ready to leave for the hospital as my grandpa was supposed to have surgery at 8:30am. On the way, I managed to knock my thermos cup somehow and ended up splashing hot tea in my face. My grandpa had a temperature so they did a blood test and CT scan to see what was wrong; it was a kidney stone. He went in for the removal of a tumour in his bowel and ended up with kidney stone surgery today instead. I’d been at the hospital since 7am and left at 11:30am once the Urologist decided that my grandpa was unfit for bowel surgery. (I’m awaiting a call/text back from my mother today to let me know how his kidney stone surgery went.)

I was trying so desperately to make it on time to see Celeste for chai lattes and a catch up, but like my usual self, I showed up about 15 minutes late. We talked about how our boyfriends always resolve to smacking their laptops in an attempt to fix them (even though it never fucking works, and Taylor actually broke his screen while Michael’s still doesn’t work); 50 Shades of Grey and the anal scene I read ages ago that put me off because the writing is tacky; rumours that a friend of ours might be bisexual/gay, which is cool; Uni life and how excited I am about it; other pointless crap; and then we parted ways.

I decided that yesterday would be the day I lined up for ages to sort out my license deal. I passed the P2’s test back in November 2011 but never received my full license card in the mail. When I renewed my P2’s license because it would expire otherwise, I asked the girl if it would prevent me from getting my full license or anything like that, which she said wouldn’t. Turns out that when I passed the test, no one gave me the form to upgrade my license to a full one, so while I was technically on my full license, I still had my fucking P2’s license. Thank goodness it’s all sorted because I told my car insurance company that I’m on my full license.

Got home and did nothing. Assed around on tumblr, fiddled with Twitter even though I still can’t bring myself to use it because it looks stupid, checked my emails, made dinner and then went to bed before 9pm only to be woken up just as I was falling asleep by a text message that I still haven’t replied to. Sorry, Ashley ! I actually don’t remember clearly enough what I did once I got home but I’m sure it was dumbshit anyway.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Hair so long it reaches my belly button.


Straightened my hair for the first time in a while. It's grown a lot~ (: I've grown to love my glasses. I feel like I look stupid in photos without them.

Soon enough it'll all be gone.

Today Michael and I went to my grandparents’ house for a somewhat impromptu lunch that included my brother and Ryan at the last minute. It was super awesome to catch up with my grandparents before my grandpa’s surgery on Thursday. He’s got bowel cancer and there’s a chance he might not make it through surgery or the recovery. I noticed my grandma’s wearing her wig again so her chemo treatments must be working. She had breast cancer and a mastectomy, but it had spread to her liver shortly after so she had to go back to chemo. She’s doing super well so hopefully she recovers from it.

It think it really sunk in today, about how serious their health concerns really are. If my grandpa doesn’t make it through his surgery, my grandma will have their huge house all to herself. I don’t even know how she’d cope, or even how she’d feel, since they’re marriage was arranged. I’ve never even asked if she actually loves him, or is just with him because that’s what they did in those days. My mother and uncle get the house and I honestly wonder what they’d do with the place - rent it out or knock it down and build smaller houses on it to make profit. It’s such a strange feeling to be sitting in their backyard knowing that soon enough it’ll all be gone. I won’t get to come over and just sit in the garden.

Oh yeah, and the kitchen was so warm there was condensation on the windows !

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Today was too fucking emotional for me to handle.

What the hell do you say to someone who’s dying, and knows it ? You can’t say, “oh, you’ll get better. Don’t worry !” or, “We all have to die at some point.”

I actually have no idea what to say. None. It’s practically the only time I run out of things to say. I’m good at talking shit. I could talk all day about crap no one cares about (exbit A: this tumblr) but I can’t exactly do that when someone’s looking at me with eyes that scream they just want sleep forever, literally.

Today was hard. I cried. It’s only going to get worse. I won’t be okay when they finally pass away. I never intended on getting attached. Never.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Healthier dinner for once~


Tonight’s dinner:

  • 1/2 cup brown rice, boiled in microwave because I’m lazy
  • 1/2 frozen mixed veggies added
  • 25g frozen chopped spinach added
  • 2 hard boiled eggs

Trying to be healthier with dinner. Gluten free as well ! I think next time I’ll use less rice because it was super filling. Or maybe 1 egg instead.

Things I wish I'd said #009

Hi. Hello. Hey there.

You’re a really nice and super awesome person, and I’d like to get to know you more so maybe we could be friends one day, but I won’t because I’m shy and awkward and you’ll probably think I’m weird for being so keen on a friendship that you never thought you’d actually have, because I don’t think anyone really wants to be friends with me, they just are because I want to be friends with them, you know ?

There.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Time to get serious !

I’m going to use this as my “before photo” so I can lightly map my body changes while I work towards getting my old body back. Here’s to the hope that I’ll see some sort of physical change without waiting months and months. I’m not fussed with the number on the scale; muscle is denser than fat. I’ll be more than happy to gain weight providing my fat:muscle is lower.

According to my persistent, and now non-existent, personal trainer, I have the best body for the results I want. All I heard was, “you’ve got the best body.” Damn right I do~

P.S: LOOK HOW LONG MY HAIR IS GETTING ! NEEDS TO BE THICKER AT THE ENDS BUT YAY ! I’ll also never get over how bright my chest tattoo still is. Love it to the ends of the universe and back.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Neediest cat in the world.



Ichigo doesn’t care how or where I’m sitting, he’ll just crawl on top. Fuck the laptop, fuck my fingers trying to type, fuck whether or not his flicking tail is getting up my nose or in my eyes; fuck everything because he wants to sit on me.

Slut shaming is the worst !













Ahhh, this makes me so angry ! I actually feel a little sick to my stomach. People are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want. If a drunk person wants to have sex with another person, that’s their choice; so long as both parties consent. There’s no difference between someone who’s had sex a million times with their partner VS someone who’s had sex a million times with a million people. It’s fucking sex, and a personal matter at that. Who the hell are you to judge ?!


If I want to stick a billion different cocks in my pussy, I damn well will, and you know why ? BECAUSE MY VAGINA BELONGS TO ME, NOT YOU.

Fuck off, asshole.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Productive Thursday day off~

Ever fight in a church?
My school forced students to attend church regardless of religious views and so I rebelled on occasion. Most times I just slept through it.

When was the last time someone said you were hot?
I don't know. Michael used to say I was hot when we first started dating, but he calls me beautiful and sexy more often. I prefer it that way.

When did you last lie with a straight face?
When a resident with Dementia asks about their deceased husband/wife, in most cases I have to lie and say "they came to visit yesterday" or "they'll be in later today to see you." I can't tell them the truth as it'll start the grieving process all over again. I hate lying to them, but it's for their own good, honestly.

What is the most money you have spent on a gift?
Couple hundred or so. If I had to count up all the gifts I bought Michael, it'd be over $1000.

Ever taken pictures you regret?
I assume you speak of n00dz. I couldn't give a shit if my n00dz ending up all over the internet. The more people who think my body rocks, the better my self confidence gets.
Would you rather live in the country, city or suburbs?
I live in the burbs and I like it. I'm close to the ocean and that's all I care about.

Last time you were truly in love?
Currently am. 3 years down.

Do you think all guys think with their little head?
HA ! No, I don't. If you wanna fuck, then fuck. Who gives a shit.

Ever take money from a stranger?
Uh, no. Never been in a situation that called for it.

Who is on your mind right now?
I'm thinking about my new laptop and how long I'll have to wait to get it. I just want it nowwwwww.

Do you think piercings are sexy?
I hear a lot of people say that piercings and tattoo are sexy, and I understand their attraction to it, but it's not a definite thing for me. It's your body, do what you want with it.

Who did you last curse at?
I cuss/swear/curse all the time for no real reason. Just because.

Do you donate blood?
I'm more likely to be on the receiving end of donations than the giving. My blood isn't even good enough for my own body.

Are you religious?
I was born and raised to be a good little Christian girl, though I chose my own agnostic paths because I didn't like it. I live my life for happiness. I don't need God(s) to validate my existence.

Where did you graduate from?
St Mary's College.

Do you like your job?
I love it though it's only a stepping stone. Hopefully in the next 3 years I'll be a nurse and living the dream.

What is your heritage?
My family line comes from Italy. I was born in Australia so I consider myself Australian, not Italian. I'm second gen born Australian on my mother's side.

What is your favourite kind of music?
Whatever suits my mood. I like most genres.

Are you healthy or do you have medical problems?
Oh jeez. I have anaemia, iron deficiency, smaller than average red blood cells, sensitive skin, asthma, pectus excavatum and some related health issues with that (finally have a name for it !), lactose intolerance, depression, anxiety, weak lower back, mild knock knee (genu valgum) aaaand I'm sure I'll end up with early onset osteoporosis due to lack of calcium as I was growing up. I think that's everything. I am 100% positive that there's something terribly wrong with my liver though tests come back clean. I've been harping on about it since I was a kid, and when the day comes that they find something wrong, I'll be all like "I TOLD YOU SO !" even though I really wouldn't want to celebrate being right about it.

Oh, and my displaced septum issue that I've already spoken about in a previous personal post !
What was the last youtube video you watched?
I don't know. Something with Jenna Marbles I think.

Do you have any ridiculous fears?
Abandonment. It's not necessarily ridiculous considering my upbringing but it's ridiculous in the sense that I know it won't happen though I still think it will. Heights and deep water also, but a lot of people are like that.

What is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen on the internet?
Oh, I don't know. I never looked up blue waffle though.

What should you be doing right now?
This seems perfectly fine.

What is your favourite thing to spend money on?
Other people.

Do you regret doing anything over the last week?
Heck no. I don't regret anything.

If you could have any type of superpower, what would it be?
Telekinesis and telepathy.

Who will be the next president of the United States?
I'm Australian, but I'm going to say Obama's having a pretty good run.

When did you last have a great kiss?
This morning, during sex. BOOM.

What was the last thing you purchased?
Gym membership took the last of my money.

What are your current goals?
Get through 3 years of University without going broke, insane, or ruining my relationship.

Ever see the 2 girls 1 cup video?
Nope.

What so far is the single best moment of your life?
Ah shit man, that's hard to pick. Having Ichigo come home with me after surgery when he got hit by a car was a pretty big deal. It was good to be with him and know he wasn't going to die.

Do you watch the Olympics?
I don't watch tv.

What do you do to try and help the environment?
I recycle and reuse almost everything I can. I buy organically if I can. Little things.

What is your most favourite meal in the world?
Right now; Miso ramen.

What do you think of guys that wear pink shirts?
The same as I think of anyone wearing pink - I hate that colour.

What is your favourite breed of dog?
German Shepherd or Pug.

Is there a celebrity that you don't understand why they're famous?
Any celebrity that doesn't have a talent.

Do you dislike any celebrities?
My life doesn't revolve around them. I couldn't care less.

What do you think of dating someone you meet on the internet?
Michael and I spent a greater portion of getting to know each other via the internet. We met in person but most of the time we talked was either online on in txt form.

Do you return purchases back to the store often?
I don't think I ever have.

Is there any TV shows you wish were still on the air?
Nothing downloading them can't fix.

What is your favourite smell?
Good food cooking, the way Michael smells, the way everything smells after the rain, freshly washed hair.

How do you feel about the cost of college tuition?
I'm not sure I understand it completely or if it's even a thing I have to consider when going to University here.

What hobby would people be surprised that you enjoy?
Gaming, though for most people it's not a surprise. Everyone at work thinks I'm some super nerd because I like anime and games. Probably because I have a vagina.

In the last year have you learned or improved on any skills?
Oh yeah. I got my cert III in Aged Care, I have my first aid cert, manual handling cert, and work is constantly training staff in new shit. I love it.

Are there "friends" in your life that you wish weren't in your life?
Fuck off. I don't bullshit people. If I don't like you, we're not friends or "friends." You're just some random shit person whose life has nothing to do with mine.

Is there any accent that you find sexy?
As long as the words coming out of your mouth are sexy, I don't give a shit.

Do you prefer yellow or white gold?
I prefer silver actually, but white gold is nice too.

Do you know what your birth flower is?
I'll google it now. According to birthstones.org.uk it's a rose. My middle name is Rose. I should have known.

Would others say you are open minded?
I suppose they would. I don't knowww.

Do you honestly consider yourself a good friend?
I am lazy in every aspect of my life including maintaining friendships. When I do it right, I'm the best fucking friend ever.

Are you looking forward to anything that is happening in the next 24 hours?
Michael said he was getting Hungry Jack's for dinner. That's exciting enough for me.

Have you ever set up friends and they ended up together long term?
No. I don't like to meddle.

If you could have any person in the room with you right now who would it be?
All of my best friends would be ace, but Michael will do ;D

What were you doing right before you started this?
Watching Michael play xbox.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Thought about buying a Mac laptop with my tax money.

Nah, fuck that. I’m going to get a Dell again. My old laptop was a Dell and it was brilliant. This HP I have is a piece of shit. I can’t even use it longer than a few hours without it burning up and freezing on me. Not to mention the Blue Screen of Death (holla n3rdz).

I’m already in love with the Dell I’ve found. Fingers crossed my tax return covers most, if not all, of the $1,600+ I’ll need for it. Come to me, my precious~

Monday, July 2, 2012

I hate sausages.

Why did drunk me think they'd taste any different ? They don't.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

So not okay with today.


I would love to recap last night’s events but the ending pissed me off beyond normality so I’m just going to throw this photo out there and dot point shit.
  • Rachel, Heather and I made a massive banner for everyone to sign because Heather’s leaving for America on the 9th of July.
  • Most people showed up an hour and a half late, as per usual.
  • Rachel and I played Fruit Ninja Kinect while drinking.
  • Lots more drinking and cigarettes.
  • Rachel and Hannah talked out their shit.
  • There was a bbq for people to pig out on.
  • Rachel punched Corey in the face.
  • Girl talks about sex in my bedroom.
  • Most people left at like 2:30am once everyone had signed the banner and ran out of alcohol.
  • I decided to try and sleep since all my friends had left.
  • Some girls showed up to our house and had a dispute with their taxi driver because he tried to over charge them.
  • People were continuously walking in and out of our front door, which magically lines up next to my head when I’m laying in bed, so I couldn’t sleep.
  • Said taxi driver called the police to settle the fare because he’s a fucking douche.
  • SO MANY LOUD NOISES.
  • SO MANY LOUD NOISES.
  • SO MANY LOUD NOISES.
  • I got pissed off at 5:30am and started arguing with Michael over the loud noises. Five fucking thirty in the goddamn morning.
  • Came so very close to leaving my own goddamn house so I could go somewhere quiet and sleep instead.
  • Eventually fell asleep at some ridiculous hour of the morning. Woke up a couple of hours later.
  • Found a fucking fry pan in the freezer along with microwave popcorn bags.
  • There was a wet patch on the carpet amongst scattered muddy footsteps.
  • Countless bottles, cups and cigarette butts everywhere.
  • And then, to top it off, the person we threw a going away party for left after waking up. Completely “forgot” (or whatever) that the whole entire fucking house is a mess.
The house party was not my idea. I did not invite those people so I’m sure as hell not cleaning up after them. The only thing I am doing is the goddamn floors because I know they won’t get done properly.

There. Ugh.