they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Thursday, August 30, 2012


  • Missed out on my sleep in. Ohwell~
  • Got my car serviced (thanks Mother).
  • Went and saw my grandpa in the hospital. He’s not doing so well but that was to be expected.
  • Got my car back.
  • Went to Marion with Mother.
  • Had lunch together and did a bit of shopping. BreadTop noms.
  • Bought cute new heels for $5 !
  • Bought new slow cooker so I can make soups and casseroles without fussing with my unusually smaller than average oven.
  • Bumped into Bradley and spoke about weekend plans.
  • Paid a ridic amount of $$$ for petrol.
  • Got Michael some skittles.
  • Cuddled and had an almost-asleep nap.
  • Couch sex.
  • Missed having a cigarette after physical activities. Sad mood bear right here.
  • Blocked someone on Facebook and Instagram. Stalk me now, you creep.
  • Watched some Mrs Brown’s Boys - hilarious for British comedy. I don’t usually fancy it.
  • Here.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


Made some Nutella stuffed strawberries because I’m fucking amazing. You wish I was your girlfriend.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Michael got to come home for the day yesterday!

I picked him up at 7:30am and we got naughty junk food, watched videos together, sexy times, and then napped on the couch. He didn’t want to do anything big so we just relaxed and enjoyed the peace and quiet of our own home. I dropped him back at the hospital this morning because he’s having an endoscopy Monday. Hopefully whatever is wrong with him can be seen and they can work out what they’re going to do. If not, he’ll have to come back another time for surgery to remove his gall bladder.

I left the house yesterday to be social again.

My friend was having a bbq and pre-drinks at his house for his birthday. I figured I might as well put some effort into looking nice even though I wasn’t drinking or going clubbing with them that night. Black and grey are my staple colours in my wardrobe, but I’m trying to increase colour, slowly.

I wished Anthony a happy birthday (his birthday’s actually today but whatever), said hello to everyone there and then sat down with Larry and Trev while we talked about shit. Rachel and Hannah showed up shortly after, so we went outside to sit by the bbq and catch up on shit I’ve missed since I haven’t seen either of them in a while. Rachel told me all about the new job she’s applying for; Hannah and I bitched about her managers and my previous managers at other jobs; I spoke to Larry about all things grown up like how he’s planing on starting an apprenticeship even though he’ll be paid shit all; we ate the food that Anthony generously provided; I turned down alcohol; had my very last 3 cigarettes (Michael quit already so I’m being a supportive girlfriend and quit too); and made plans to get drunk and do a 5,000 piece puzzle with Hannah and Trev the next weekend I’m not working.

Hannah left early because she got tired, and I didn’t notice how drunk she was at that time so I didn’t mention anything about her driving home. Rachel came out and was angry because we let her leave. Turns out she was drunk enough that she was practically hanging off Trev when she said goodbye to him. She wouldn’t answer Rachel’s calls or reply to her texts, so I promised that when I got home I’d call Hannah to make sure she got home okay. Seeing as she lives 2 streets away, I drove past her house to see if she was home. The lights were off and her car was in the drive way so I didn’t call her. I’m supposed to call her today to make sure she’s fine, but I’ll wait a bit since it’s still really early.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I don't even have the joy to write tonight.

I had a shit day at work. A shit drive to the hospital. A shit drive home. And I’ll probably have a shit sleep. Since moving in with Michael back in November, this is the longest we’ve been apart, and it’s not even a week yet. Fucking hell. Sleeping with a wheat bag helps me doze off but it’s not enough to keep me asleep. I still wake up every night and roll over to instinctively cuddle him but he’s not there.

Fuck it. I’m going to have my regular 9pm cup of tea and then try to get some sleep. I shouldn’t complain. He’s having a harder time than I am. Poor guy.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Monday night.

So I spent from about 3:30pm until 8:30pm at the hospital with Michael last night. I didn’t realise how long I had been there until I saw what time I left. 5 hours of watching tv, talking about shit, Michael getting dinner and me stealing a bit of it (even though I know I shouldn’t have because of his food charts but ohwell), holding hands a lot since cuddling on the bed is super hard, and at one point I got furious because of the elderly lady in the bed across from Michael. Ungrateful little shit. I have never wanted to instantly punch someone in the face until last night.

He texted me earlier, telling me how he didn’t get much sleep because of that lady on the call bell all night long. I feel sorry for him. Even the doctors and nurses wish him luck with sleeping. Attention seeking behaviours are the worst because there’s literally nothing you can do to stop it. Even if you give in and do what they want, it’s never enough. I see it all the time at work and it drives me mental.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Reasons why today ruled:

  1. Despite how much I hate working on a Sunday, today went surprisingly well considering all the troubles we had.
  2. I texted Michael throughout the day and he updated me on his condition. He’s been admitted into a surgery ward, awaiting an ultrasound tomorrow.
  4. Managed to remember almost everything Michael asked me to bring him, minus the wallet since I’m forgetful.
  5. We watched tv, he gave me his left over apricots from his dinner meal, and we got to cuddle and kiss even though squishing on a single hospital bed is difficult.
  6. The nurses approved of Michael eating something, since it had been over 24 hours since his last meal. It actually looked delicious, even for hospital food.
  7. I parked in a 2 hour zone, stayed for longer than that, and didn’t get a parking fine. Fuck yes.
  9. Left over pizza for dinner. I might have microwaved it for a little too long causing the crust to go rock solid, but it was delish.

Saturday, August 18, 2012


Michael’s back in hospital. He went Thursday because of pain in his abdomen, and tonight is got worse. This time they rushed him off since he was in pure agony. I felt terrible watching him cry out in pain knowing there was nothing I could do to help. It’s moments like that, that reconfirm that going into nursing is the right thing for me to do. One day, I’ll be able to help take away his pain.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Mentioned earlier to my brother about buying a new laptop.

He recommended Asus. Just goggled them and found the “Zenbook” series. I’m sorry but who the fuck pays $1200 for a laptop with less than 300gb hard drive, no card reader, no CD/DVD/Bluray drive and with an 11.3” screen ?! The fuck kind of piece of shit is that ?! I feel sorry for anyone who got tricked into buying a paper weight. Bullshit.

Uni Open Day ruled!

If I wasn’t already excited at the prospects of going, I sure as hell am now. I am physically exhausted and mentally drained from all the walking and listening, but it was so amazing!

The Fees and Finance info session was so insightful and really took a weight off my shoulders. I feel like I can now balance uni costs and living costs without sending myself broke. HECS loans sound like a bad idea at first, but when you understand what they are and how they work, it’s really quite simple. I was super hesitant about getting one, but it looks like I’ll have no other choice. It’s interest free and I don’t have to pay any of it back until I start earning $49k or more a year (which won’t happen on a career’s earnings so I’m set for a few years).

I didn’t plan to sit for the STAT info session but I did anyway just in case there was something I didn’t already know. I found out about a website that has practise questions from previous tests so I can prepare myself. Now I’m not so stressed about it. I’m still going to be nervous as fuck on the day but that’s natural.

General tours took a lot less time than I was expecting. I thought it’d go for an hour since they ran hourly, but it took like 15 minutes because it’s super basic. We were shown the Hub where all the retail stores are; Flinders Uni Bar where there’s alcohol on tap and some food stalls; the library with a cafe in it which doesn’t sell chai lattes for some fucking reason; the UniBooks store where I discovered that one text book was going to cost me $200; and then the lake and grass area. According to the information Heath said, the lectures were small and the tutes even smaller; something like 16 students per tute, which is fantastic. More time for 1:1 assistance.

Nyssa eventually made it back after getting lost trying to find a car park, and we sat for the Nursing info session together. It was really good to have someone to talk to about what was going to happen in the 3 year long degree, even though Nyssa’s going into her second year and I’ll be in my first. Neither of us will know anyone in our years so we’ll both be forced to make friends. Dear l0rd, save us. The lecturer said that studying full time was equivalent to working full time, and that no one should attempt it unless they have 30 hours per week to study on top of everything else. Pft, I can totally do Uni and work at the same time. No biggie, lady. She really advised to split the first year part-time so that you can sort yourself out and balance everything without going insane; too bad I’m already going insane with just work alone, ha!

I somehow totally forgot where I parked, the name of the road included, so I was walking around aimlessly for a long time. I had a map and started walking in the direction I thought I was parked in, but I was sorely mistaken. I couldn’t remember how I got to the Hub from my car park in the first place, so trying to get back based on what looked familiar wasn’t helping. Good thing some random girl helped me find the right car park. She even walked with me right up until I got to my car! Such a sweet girl.

Now I’m home, I spilled all my excitement out on Michael, and I’m trying to calm down and relax after everything from today. Ohyeah, and the campus is smoking friendly, which is good because I didn’t want to light up and cop a fine by mistake. Sweet as.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012




What a horrible week ):

  • Monday: Tried to write but couldn’t.
  • Tuesday: Flat tyre on my car; was running late for work.
  • Wednesday morning (early in the AM): Had to call ambulance for Michael to take him to the hospital.
  • Wednesday day: Felt nauseous all afternoon at work; nearly threw up a couple of times; was seriously bloated.
  • Wednesday night: Hungry; still feel nauseous; super tired from hardly any sleep.
  • Future Thursday: will be shit, I just know it; probably won’t get paid enough for all the bills I need to pay.
  • Future Friday: Flinders Uni Open Day with mother. Probably the only highlight to my week.
  • Future Saturday: Working; it will suck.
  • Future Sunday: Working; it will suck.

This week could not come to an end any sooner.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I was social. OMG.

So today I made a brave decision and chose to go out for drinks and hangs with Michael and Ryan instead of staying home. Hannah eventually caught up with us, and we spent hours talking and catching up on missed sex stories and crazy bitchiness. We had an impromptu dinner together - schnitzels with gravy and chips + salad. It got a little awkward when the waitress came over to drop our meals off and we were talking about “rogue semen” (projectile semen) and dodging it like in the Matrix. There were so many more inside jokes scattered in our conversations and they mostly revolved around sex. Brilliant time out.

I love my best friends. They’re fucking amazing. I’m going to miss Hannah a hell of a lot when she leaves for her Army training ):

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Magic Mike; too much talking, not enough stripping.

Sure, you see them get their gear off, and I’ll admit that they’re fucking good at it, but the rest of the movie is shitballs. Seriously, I paid to see you get naked, not talk about your life goals and shit. If I wanted that, I’d see a rom-com or some shit.

I said shit a lot. Shitty shit shit-shit.

Is it weird that I saw a stripper movie with my boyfriend’s mumma? Is it weirder that she suggested he work out and become a stripper because he’s so handsome and women would love his naked body?


Going out tonight.

Seriously, I am leaving the house tonight to see Magic Mike with Michael's mum. Figured I might as well put in some effort into looking nice.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Talking to my super genius smart friend about Uni makes me feel better.

He’s really helpful and I’m super thankful that I have him to answer my questions. I’m so excited but nervous at the same time. I wanna go out and get everything I need for Uni right now, but I don’t wanna get ahead of myself, you know? I can’t wait to go stationary shopping. It’s like school all over again, but this time I get to buy all the cute matching sets instead of whatever cheap lame stuff my mother made me get. I’m going to go crazy.

Weeeeeewwww. Just thinking about it makes me restless with anticipation. And I’ve decided against taking my laptop to Uni. Pen + notebook is much safer and reliable. Plus, I can’t really risk carrying my heavy laptop and books in a bag that might injure my back. Work will not be happy if I can’t go in because I hurt my own back. I should know better than that.

P.S: When I say my friend is super genius smart, calling him a rocket scientist would be an insult to his intelligence. He’s much smarter than that.
Previously revisited my "No going out" statement that I made in April and now I have movie plans with Michael's mum and her friends tomorrow night. I should probably voice that statement more often because people seem to want to hang out when I say "no more."

Oh April.

"Goodbye city social life. Unless someone throws house parties, don’t expect to see me out. I have better things to save my money for; like gaming consoles and holidays. I’m going to force myself to love the hermit life."

Back in April, I quit going out drinking/clubbing with my friends. It’s now August and I’m pretty damn happy with that decision. I think I’ve been out twice or so in that span of time, and I’ve caught up with a few friends here and there in between.

The only time I really wanted to leave the house was AVCon. Hahahaha.

This is good practise for when I have to balance work and uni together. At least I won’t miss my social life too much, since it’s near extinct now.

Things you should probably know about me:

  1. Strong, a dash of soy milk, two sugars; that’s how I like my cups of tea. Don’t forget it.
  2. I take time to warm up to. I won’t engage in a conversation unless you force me to. I was raised on the premise that you speak when spoken to. I’ve never grown out of it and I don’t think I ever will.
  3. Right now, I would much rather stay home with my cat and anime/video games than go out and drink. I get lonely sometimes, but I know if I went out I’d just wanna be at home instead.

There’s more, but these three are probably the most important to know first hand. We’ll get along better if you know what makes me function the way I do.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

♥ yay ♥

I owe Michael a lot for taking care of me while I'm sick. Looking after me during last night's vomit episode, taking me to the doctors, waiting with me, taking me to get biscuits, and for making me chicken noodle soup for dinner. He even used headphones to listen to his music so I could watch my anime in peace ♥


So I have suspected gastro and am not allowed to eat real food. The doctor said to nibble on biscuits and sip on water until my tummy settles, meanwhile Michael’s eating MACCAS IN FRONT OF ME. I fucking hate life right now. I don’t usually mind getting sick but when my illness interferes with eating, I get mad. I wanna eat food ! I am starving and threw up half of what I ate last night. Waaaaah~

Yay for having Thursday-Monday off though ! Woo yeah.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


I’m having one of those days where I hate almost every single thing in my wardrobe.

Except I’ve felt like this for almost two weeks now. I need to go shopping. Op-shopping to be specific. Mostly because the things they’re selling in current fashion is not appealing to me. This is the first time in since, well, since I started following current fashion trends that I actually don’t like what they’re bringing out. I mean, my favourite Aussie designers never let me down (that’s why they’re my favourite) but lately mainstream retailers are pissing me off. Idk&Idc~


And now I just agreed to work on a quick graphic design for a friend. Why do I do this to myself ? I’m not artistic at all, and I suck at graphic design. Just because I know how to edit things doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing… Waaaahhhh ! I can do this. Challenge accepted.

Must stop looking at stationary for Uni until I receive my Acceptance Offer (if and when situation) next year. I still have to sit the damn STAT test, for goodness sakes. Ease up, Bianca. It’s still only a possibility that you’ll get in. Nothing’s for sure yet.

Doing some serious research into how I can cut down my animal product intake to almost zero without damaging my already fucked up body. So far I've worked out how much iron I need per day (18mg) and which are iron rich foods. I think I'll forever need to take my calcium and vitamin D supplements purely because I know, no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to reach my recommended intake for the day.

New foods I need to buy and try:

  • Flaxseed
  • Chia seed
  • Quinoa
Looks like my whole diet is need of an overhaul. L0rdy l0rd.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Uni applications open on Monday. Shit's about to get real.

Repeat: I will not chicken out this year.

I will not chicken out this year. I will not chicken out this year. I will not chicken out this year. I will not chicken out this year.

I will not chicken out this year.