they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Things I wish I'd said #018

I don’t know how I’m supposed to help you. Every time I try, you shoot me down.

“They’re just words. I know you’re trying to help, but it’s just words.”

Words are all I have; all I can give you. Kisses and arms wrapped around you won’t help. You already knocked me back once before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to help you. If everything I try doesn’t help, then I won’t try anymore. I accept defeat. If leaving you alone to deal with these things is what you want, then you’ll have it, no matter how useless I feel. Don’t expect me to lean on you when things get hard for me. This isn’t a one-way street.

Today has been exhausting.

I had a student on placement with me today. A co-worker was called yesterday about extending her shift and she accepted. When we looked at our roster for the day, her name was crossed out and they had an agency staff on instead. A whole heap of confusion went on but we sorted it out soon after. I was put in my least favourite ward but the day went quickly. The student I had was great. Well, as great as students can be. She’s been on placement for three days now, so I kind of threw her the reins and let her actively do things. It was so strange to be in a room and do nothing but supervise.

I’ve never been given a student. Not for a full day. I’ve babysat a student while my co-worker disappeared but it was only brief. Apparently I make a good teacher because I explain things clearly. I don’t think I do. I think I talk too much. Too much shit for my own good. I suppose receiving a little “award” at work for being stellar at my job meant they thought I could handle teaching. Wasn’t so bad in the end. And hey, I’ll take an extra pair of hands on the floor any day. Especially if we don’t have to pay them ;)

P.S: I got my STAT results in the mail today. Coincidentally, a co-worker and I were talking about waiting for results today when they told me I could go online and check before the letter came. Turns out the letter was already waiting for me at home. I'm not really sure what the scores all mean, and the website doesn't explain much further, but I hope I did well enough to get into my course. Waiting for the Uni offers is going to kill me.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Either the new jeans I bought are an incorrect size or the previous person wearing them was bigger than a size 8 because those jeans are baggy as fuck on me. Or maybe I've lost some more cms in places I thought I hadn't, but either way, they're bagging and not even remotely close to being skinny leg jeans.


Work today was so interesting ! I did some training on what we call “Complex Health” at work. Basically, it means we do health therapies for our residents; things like heat packs, massages, manicures, foot spas, and various other things. I learnt how to collect and microwave the heat packs (there are set rules for this to avoid hurting people), some basic massage therapy (until I do my massage course (weee, more impressive things to add to my resume)), experienced a hand wax (you coat your hands in paraffin wax, leave it for the heat to penetrate your joints, remove it, and then massage the hands), how to prepare and run the foot spa, documentation (super important), and how to manage my time wisely throughout the day. There are a lot of brackets in that paragraph, phew~

Point being; we spoil our residents rotten at our facility because we want them to have the very best care possible. Now if only we could get the bitching and bullying under control between co-workers. And maybe if I could get my regular shifts back in the wards I like as well. That would be nice.

In all seriousness though, I fucking love my job. I am going to miss the shit out of my residents once I become a nurse and move onto bigger and better things. Waaaaah, I’m so lucky to have my job.

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Michael and I went to his Nanna’s for roast lunch today ! It was great to catch up with his family, meet his uncle and his girlfriend, and the food was delicious (:

Saturday, September 22, 2012


Guys, I think I have a problem. That’s the NINTH camera I’ve bought; the THIRD with used film in it. Savers is my idea of heaven ft. “new jeans.”

Friday, September 21, 2012


But in all seriousness, tonight contains Assassin’s Creed while Michael goes to work. I am forever in love with the Star Wars console. I will never get over it’s beauty.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Do you have somewhere you hide things you don’t want anyone else to find?
I never have things to hide in the first place.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
It's a skill I'm familiar with.

Your last ex says they never even liked you, you say?
That's nice. Am I supposed to care ?

Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Yeah. Anti-climax.

If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be?
I'd get a few helix piercings. If my nose wasn't messed up, I'd get my septum done in an instant.

Is it possible to be single and happy?

If someone told you that you were a player, what would you say back?
No playa H8.

What eye color do you find sexiest?
I'm dazzled by Michael's brown eyes. They're a warmer shade compared to mine.

Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?
Idk. I didn't care about what other people thought. I was clumsy and fell over a lot.

If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?
Giraffe, Jellyfish and a Seahorse. 2 out of 3 I can actually own in my home if I wanted to.

What’s your most favorite part of your personality?
I care a fuck load about the people I love.

Do you eat enough vegetables?
I'm overdoing my fruit when I should be eating more veggies. Thanks for reminding me (:

What is the last pill you took?
A paracetamol/ibuprofen pill to cure my congestion.

Last person you took a nap with?
Michael, though I hardly nap.

Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked?
We had sex like a couple of hours ago.

How is the weather right now?
Sun's setting and it's cold.

Are you bipolar?
No. Everyone thought I had BPD at one point because I was shit at life.

When was the last time you were sick?
A month or two ago. 24 hour stomach virus.

Where do you get all your clothes?
Wherever takes my fancy.

What did you do today?
Went to work, lunch, came home, sex, internet. Dinner's on its way.

Have you ever been arrested?
Why do you even care ?

Why don’t you date your ex?
The relationship didn't make me happy.

Interested in anyone?
I love Michael. Go figure.

Have you been kissed by someone who’s name starts with a T?

Does anyone call you babe or baby?
Michael calls me babe all the time. I enjoy it.

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Celebs don't count, do they ?

Think of the person who has hurt you the most in the past year, who is it?
LOLOL. No. I haven't been hurt this year. If I failed the STAT, it'll be me.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
It'd be cheating, so yeah.

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
No regretz~*~*

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today ?
Can't say that I have.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
My best friends.

Does the last person you kissed mean anything to you?
He means more to me than I'm willing to admit.

Do you regret going out with any of your ex’s?
Nah mang. Always did what made me happiest at the time.

Are your parents religious?
My mother was raised a Christian but that obvs failed.

If you were really close to a family member and they said it would mean every thing to them if you stopped seeing your boyfriend/ girlfriend , would you stop?
That's nice but no.

Is there someone that you love but you cant let it surface?

If you were to get up from your computer, and turn to the right and take four steps, where would you be?
In the same room still.

How many pictures are currently stored in your digital camera?
I have 3 digital cameras so I have no idea.

Did anything surprising happen today?
Making plans to learn new shit at work was much easier than I expected.

How do you know when a friend becomes a best friend?
Because you always want to talk/see them.

What exactly are you wearing right now?
Art vs Science jumper and track pants.

Did you dance today ?
I dance every day I'm at work.

What is today’ s date?
September 19, 2012.

Who was the last person that called you?
Some random number looking for someone else.

Who was the last person that text messaged you?
Work did, about available shifts.

How old will you be on your next birthday?
Twenty fucking five. Kill me.

Did you cry today ?
Nah mang.

Where is your cell phone?
On my right.

Name a friend who has the same cell phone provider that you do:

Did you run anywhere today ?
A little bit at work because I forgot to take out my nose ring and put my stud back in, again.

Have you ever kissed anyone 30 or older ?
No thank you.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Yum cha.

Tonight I went out for dinner with Sarah. We walked from Rundle Mall to China Town in hopes that it would be open, but it wasn’t. We decided to wander down Gouger Street trying to find a nice place that catered to our cheap ass budgets. We went to Ding Hao, which is one of my favourite yum cha restaurants. We made our orders (rice with bbq pork ribs) and enjoyed the complimentary Jasmine tea. I accidentally managed to spill a whole cup of tea all over my side of the table, which ruined my napkin but ohwell~ We talked about shitty ex-partners, other random bits and pieces, and how relationships can get really complicated at times. Next free weekend that I have, she’ll be coming over for movies and drinks at mine (: So excited ! I love catching up with Sarah. I don’t exactly remember how we became friends, but I’m so glad we did because she’s amazing.

Life, thou art a cruel bitch.

Made a boo-boo with my internet banking, called my bank and had the transaction reversed. Was super excited when I saw I had more money in my account after all the bills had been paid, then realised it was actually my money being returned that had to be spent on other bills.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


I enjoy sex bruises. Whenever I accidentally lean on them, I’m reminded of the pure satisfaction I experienced while obtaining them. The idea that you’ve left a semi-permanent mark on my body excites me. Do it again.


I was laughing at these for so long I started to cry. I don't think anyone will ever understand my infinite love for puns and cliché pick-up lines. You may thank me later ;D

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


I don’t know why, but couch sex is always more satisfying than bedroom sex. Probably because couches have arm rests and you can bend all sorts of way with that kind of support. Probably because it’s a common space and I know other activities happen in the same room and it feels a little bit different. Probably because the couch is so small that it forces your bodies closer. Probably because our couch is actually a futon and the mattress dips in at certain points so you have to physically pull yourself towards each other. Idk. It’s just so much better.

Monday, September 10, 2012


Hair length progression. 10 weeks difference. It’s grown at least a few inches. My body is still incredibly out of shape.

Being social again~

Today Ryan got back from America, so Michael and I went to catch up with him. Here’s what I wore:

  • Tight as fuck black leotard (no idea the brand, ohwell~)
  • Cropped black cardigan with white detail (in this photo - I changed to my Valley Girl black pleather jacket)
  • Wrangler “Cheeky” high waisted denim shorts
  • el cheapo brand sheer black tights/pantyhose
  • 10cm high black generic Lolita-esque flatform shoes

Saturday, September 8, 2012


No matter how I sleep, I always wake up with my make up perfectly in place still.

9,000 pieces.

So last night I went to Trev’s house to drink and put together a 9,000 piece puzzle with help from Hannah, Anthony, Larry, Rachel, and Bella. We didn’t get very far. Once we opened the box, we realised there were two bags full of pieces, so we decided to start sorting the first bag. We had loads of laughs, drinks, chit chats, cigarettes (I failed quitting at a week thanks to a stressful day at work), and general inside jokes formed. I took a lot more photos but they’re on my film camera. I can’t wait to get it developed. There are photos from my birthday on it.

Hannah and I accidentally fell asleep on Trev’s couch while watching The Avengers. When we woke up, we found the border almost complete, which is an achievement considering we hardly concentrated on the puzzle. And tonight, Hannah, Michael and I are going back to do some more (we’ll probably watch more movies than do the puzzle but whatever).

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Rape is rape.

Sometimes, I honestly believe that some people have trouble accepting what rape truly is; and I believe it’s because the moment they accept that rape is rape, they realise they might have, at one stage, raped someone, and that makes them feel uncomfortable with the word “rape.”

If you participate in sexual activities with another person who at any point during the act refuses or wants to stop, anything you do from that moment forward is rape. If you use guilt trips to make someone “consent,” it’s rape. If you keep going even after they said, “stop, no, please don’t,” it’s rape. If they’re in a situation where they’re unable to give consent or refuse (asleep, drunk, passed out, etc) and you do something, it’s rape. There are no grey shades to this.

If you have sexual activities with a person who does not give consent or is in a state where they are physically unable to refuse, you raped them. End of fucking story.