While a person suffering from it might have it under control and live a happy normal life, there are times where they relapse and find themselves feeling uncontrollably miserable. Tonight is one of those nights for me.
I just cried to myself hard enough that my nose started bleeding.
I am trying really hard to hold it together right now, but when you open the door just a tiny bit, it’s like the feeling barges through and takes over. I know my mind is messing with me, and I keep telling myself that I’m being irrational, but I can’t help it. I can’t help the way I feel right now. It honestly feels like I am fighting against myself.
I’m just really tired of people telling me it’ll be okay in the end. What I really want is someone to admit that what I’m feeling is difficult to deal with, and while I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, they understand why I am losing sight of it. Tell me that you know what I’m feeling is hard to deal with. Tell me that you’ll be there to help. Deal with how I’m feeling right this second, not how I’ll be fine in a couple of hours/days/weeks.
Don’t brush off how I’m feeling in hopes that reminding me of how I’ll be okay will make me feel better. All it does is make me feel like you don’t validate how I feel. If I can identify and accept the emotions I’m going through, then why can’t you?
“I understand that you are going through a rough patch. While your fears might not be rational, I understand that they are real fears to you. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I am here to listen. Talk to me.”
That’s all you have to say. It’s not that fucking hard. Now I’m just mad at myself.