they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Monday, January 26, 2015


when I ask
what's wrong with us?
I don't ask
because I know
I ask
because I want to hear
you say it.

Things aren't okay in our relationship and no matter how many times we talk it out it feels like it never quite sinks in with you. You get it for about 3 days and then it's immediately back to where we started. I'm not angry for surprise reasons. I'm angry for the same reason I've been angry for the past almost six years. This isn't new anger. This isn't a new behaviour. I'm always angry when it happens. Six years later and we're still fighting over the same crap. Everything was going so well, and it still bloody can, but you've got to stop acting like you were before. It's your past behaviour I'm not happy with. Stop doing the same old shit. Stop making me angry for the same reasons. Why is that so hard for you to see? FYI you not doing anything is exactly the reason I'm mad. You were supposed to have done something. Two days in a row I was let down. T W O. I am angry and I am disappointed. You don't factor me in any more. And when you do, it's clearly a half-assed attempt at prioritising me. I'm only important when doing something benefits you too. You will never do something for me if you gain nothing in return. There always has to be a win in it for you. Even when you're thinking of me, you're really thinking of yourself.

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