they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Monday, February 23, 2015

I have written the same damn text message 20 times over but I still can't press send.

my boyfriend and I broke up. and no matter how angry I felt before or how hurt I was it doesn't take away the longing pain I feel without him. I have never wanted to talk to him so desperately until this moment. it kills me. all I want to do is say I'm sorry for hurting him and make sure he's okay and he's not lonely or sad or feeling unwanted. that's the last thing I want. it hasn't even been a week and I'm terrified I've made things worse. and I'm not entirely sure I feel better off without him. I was angry and I was hurt but now I just feel like there's a giant part of me missing. as cliche as that sounds - it's true. I keep thinking about him alone in his new apartment with his new job and all I can do is cry. he did what I asked and I still left. I knew at times I could be heartless but I never knew I could cut so deep.

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