they say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone / / they say that your darkest hour comes before your dawn

Sunday, March 15, 2015

this is where I leave you.

Judd : Three months ago I had a great job and a nice apartment and I was in love with my wife.
Penny : No, you weren't.
Judd : No?
Penny : No. She was sleeping with somebody else for a year and you never noticed... How in love could you have been?
Judd : Yep... That's fair.
this got me thinking last night. maybe I didn't pay enough attention? maybe I didn't love you? and then I realised something - I did notice. I loved you so much I flew into panic attacks and asked if everything was okay. I knew it wasn't. I knew something was wrong. You comforted me with lies. 'everything is fine. we're perfect'. you might not have cheated on me but the lines still ring true. I fucking noticed and you didn't love me enough to give me the truth I deserved. and now I'll never know if I can completely trust you again. I know you miss me. I know you love me. I just don't feel it. from you or towards you.

I am so fucking hurt that chips on the beach and a chat won't fix this. I don't know how to fix it and I don't know if it's even possible. what if I can't let it go? are we really destined to let this ruin us completely?

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